Struggling.. But keep telling myself it's not serious

[HC247]

Hi everyone,

Long time admirer of beyondblue, first time user of a forum..

I've never really thought of myself as depressed, but looking back over the last 12 months, it seems likely that I am.

 Nearly 18 months ago, I started having problems with a colleague. It took me a while to realise there was actually an issue, as the problems were in the form of passive aggressive emails which I initially took very little notice of. Fast forward 15 months, and my generally happy self had finally been worn down to the point I had to make a complaint. My employer has sent me to a psychologist, and I have had two sessions with him. To be honest, I don't know if I'm getting much out of them.

I noticed my mood had changed - probably over the last six months. I am not as confident as I was, my motivation has decreased and I frequently have no energy.

I may have been better able to deal with this, had I had a little more support from my partner. When things at work began to get problematic, I tried talking to him, but he seemed not to realise I was attempting to have a serious conversation with him, and interrupted me. This happened several times and I just gave up trying to talk to him.

I feel like we never talk about anything of any substance. We started having problems of our own which, to be honest, had been brewing for awhile.

Between Christmas and January, I was feeling quite a lot better, but I am back in a black hole again now, due to an issue with my partner a couple of days ago.

I feel like if my problems were just related to work OR home I could deal with them, but I am feeling unbearably sad - it is the only way to describe it. I feel like I am a fraction of my former self and I don't know how to get back to where I was.

I guess in posting on here, I am wondering if anyone might have some practical tips for 'getting back to happy,' and also getting a relationship back to a happy, but perhaps more open, state.

I know compared to a lot of other people's posts, these things seem quite trivial. I think it is for this reason I have just tried to figure out how to deal with things on my own, but it is becoming quite apparent that I need some help.

Would really like to hear if anyone has felt the same, and what might have helped them.

Thank you. 

[Pixie15]

Hi HC247,

I was a first time forum user when I joined up to the BB middle of last year. Do you really think it is trivial to feel "unbearably sad".

From what you have written here it sounds like you believe you have been experiencing some bullying from a work colleague. If the psychologist your work has sent you to is not helping have you thought about going to see your doctor. This would be the first person to see if you think you are depressed. 

As far as talking to you partner it might help for you to work out exactly what you want to say. Write it down and rehearse it if necessary. Then let your partner know that you need to have a talk and ask them when they might be happy to do that. This way you can find out if your partner is at least prepared to talk when it is convenient.

Hope you get some useful tips on how to make life more bearable.

Grateful. 

[White_Rose]

Hello HC247

Welcome to the forum. As Grateful has said, your situation is not trivial. Depression is such an insidious illness. It creeps up on you in a sneaky manner and overwhelms you when you least expect it.

Having been bullied for severl years I understand how it feels. In many ways it is quite vague because each incident can be, and often is, considered trivial.  But looking at the overal effect, it's horrendous. I have been seeing a psychologist for 18 months and my GP for several years.

You have the added burden that your partner does not understand what is going on so cannot provide any support. Please take Grateful's advice and sit your partner down and explain what has been happening and how it has affected you. You definitely need someone in your corner.

I also endorse Grateful's suggestion to see your GP. I presume your employer has sent you to a sponsored psychologist. The only drawback to this is that these psychs are often newly qualified with little experience. I know they need to learn somewhere but you are in a serious situation and need an experienced therapist. If this is what you have then great. GPs usually have a good idea of who is good and who is ordinary so have a chat with him/her.

Also your GP may feel that medication would be helpful. I don't advocate this one way or another. There are times to have medication so listen to your doctors advice.

By the way, has your employer supported you with the bullying and has it been stopped?

Having problems on two fronts, so to speak, is difficult. It occurs to me that perhaps sorting out the relationship with your partner is the first priority. It's difficult to accept or give support when matters are a little strained between you.

What helped me? A wonderful GP, a skilled psychologist, people who cared about me and supported me. I can also be stubborn and refuse to give in, often when I should walk away instead. So the advice, coaching and support was vital because I often could not see the way clearly and would react emotionally. Never a good idea. I put a lot of effort into learning new ways of coping and learning to understand why I got emotional, which buttons of mine set me off,

I also gave up regularly because it was all so exhausting, got encouragement, took a deep breath and started again. I wrote in to BB for support which always available. Wonderful folk here.

Just keep going, one foot after the other looking at the next step, not the horizon because it was too far away. Post again

Mary