Severe depression every month 1 wk before period

[Anna84]

I'm not sure where I should post this. It's a women's issue I guess.

I am on antidepressants and have been for quite a long time. I have social anxiety which causes my depression and anxiety but I do feel that I have my dossage right at the moment. The problem is that I go through this same cycle every month. I track my period on an app and every month 1 week before my period is due I fall into a deep depression where I feel hopeless and sad and that I want to run away from my life. I have spoken to a gp about it but they haven't got any solutions for me. I have two small children and I hate myself that I can't pull myself out of it. I just want to sleep and I can't cope with everyday things that comee with being a mother and wife like fighting between the children and having to organise everyone. I cried so much today that my eyes are so sore. I just feel so tired and wish I could leave and sleep for a week. I feel like my family would be better off without me sometimes.

Does anyone else feel like this each month? I feel like there must be something I can do. It can't be normal to constantly go through this cycle and even though I try not to let it show it definitely affects my family. My husband says my emotionals are like a roller coaster. I can be really happy but then each month I am having these extreme lows.

[quirkywords]

Welcome Anna,

Thanks for discussing this topic that many women and men can relate to.

I used to end up crying the week before and I felt similar to how you described but because I had bipolar that was under control, but the doctors said it was part of bipolar moods but it was different.

Please don't hate yourself, you are strong and doing the best for your family.

I think that if you went to a women's health centre you would be met with understanding and experience.

Periods affect women in different ways. My experience was many years ago but I just wanted you to know you are not alone.

I found it hard stop the crying.

Do you find that every day is difficult during the week, or does it get worse or better or remain the same?

Do you find that certain foods affect your moods in that week?

Does exercise help at all? I found if I walked very fast I could not cry at the same time?

I hope it okay to ask questions ,but only reply if you feel comfortable.

Has the depression become worse since having children or was it same before?

Quirky

[Quercus]

Hi Anna84,

What a great idea to track your moods via an app. I'm really glad you raised this topic because I hadn't thought to do that!

I am the same in that about a week before my period my depression worsens. My psychiatrist said it was normal too. Just hormonal fluctuations. I have an almost 3 and a 4 year old so it is horrible.

I know it sounds weird but sex helps me. Any kind of physical intimacy. I'm not sure why (I suspect it's because I don't feel physically or mentally well so a bit of TLC and being cared for feels good. Maybe it's worth a try?

On the other side is physical work. I find it almost impossible to motivate myself so I ask hubby for help to get started but gardening, or any exercise does help me. The hard bit is getting moving.

If you look for local women's health centres like Quirky said they usually run yoga or art therapy or classes to get you out of the house when you feel very low (and most have creche facilities). How about booking time out for you once a month so when you feel unable to cope you have a break. Is that an option for you?

Would love to talk more about this if you wish to.

Nat

[Anna84]

Thank you both for replying. It's nice to know I'm not alone.

I think my low mood snow balls throughout the week. It will start out as tiredness and sort of like a melancholy feeling and then because I can't keep on top of everything and I just get overwhelmed and fall apart. But it's not like I am dealing with anything that should overwhelmed me but just does. Thinks like the house being untidy but by the time I get home from work and do dinner I'm tired to tidy up. Then that just gets worse and worse because I'm slacking off. Or the kids will be arguing or ignoring me and I can't get them to do as they are told. At other times of the month these things wouldn't bother me as much and I just get on with things but during this time for some reason I just feel like an emotional reck.

If there is a lot on at work or I am having to socialise too much I feel a bit drained as well. This week for instance..being Christmas we have had to catch up with a lot of family and friends but because I have felt so down it has been really exhausting trying to pretend I'm ok.

Food definitely plays a huge part as well I think. I find it hard to prioritise my diet but when I do I feel a lot better. Same with exercise. When I am regularly exercising things are not quite as bad. I will still have these moods throughout my cycle but seem to manage a bit better. Some months I've thought wow! I got through that one without too much trouble...Again though sometimes it is hard to put exercise at the top of my priority list.

I don't think I am any worse since having children but there is just a lot more on my shoulders since having children that maybe it is more noticeable. I look at other mum's and wonder how they cope so well and how the manage to stay so on top of everything.

I have heard that sex is good also but I tend to push my husband away during these times. It's awful and not fair on him but I just don't want to be touched. I feel really bad and know that I would feel better but I just cringe at the thought. The rest of the month I am fine and love being intimate.

I will look into whether there are any women's health centres around me. That is a good idea thank you.

I wish there was a simple fix but I know it's going to take a lot of hard work on my part. I have often wondered whether having my tubes tied would help or maybe having the implant. Do you know if anything like that could help?

[Quercus]

Hi Anna84,

This jumped right out at me...

I look at other mum's and wonder how they cope so well and how the manage to stay so on top of everything.

My mum in law says to me anyone who acts or says they have no dramas as a mum is either a liar or has an indundation of support from family and friends. We see other mums as coping well but we don't see behind closed doors. Everyone struggles. Everyone! So please try not to be hard on yourself. Easy to say hard to do.

Have you got much in the way of a support network? I really have noticed an improvement in myself by putting effort into my relationships with a few close girlfriends who have kids too. Sometimes it is essential to be able to pick up the phone and ask for help. Do you have any relationships like these or family you can ask for support and time out when you feel low?

If touch is out do you make time for relaxation? Bath, walk, soaking feet, music, mediation for example. I understand it is very difficult to put aside time for yourself with small kids but it is necessary. What do you do just for you?

As to medical options I don't know I'm sorry. If your GP didn't know I would probably ask another doctor. Maybe the women's health place will have ideas or contacts for further information. Sorry I can't be of more use there!

Nat

[quirkywords]

Anna

Thanks for replying and answering my questions. I appreciate that.

Like, Nat, this sentence caught my attention,

"I look at other mum's and wonder how they cope so well and how the manage to stay so on top of everything."

My mum used to say to me, when I would sigh and say something similar, "Those women are probably thinking the same thing about you!"

As mothers we are always thinking everyone else is doing so much better and we are the only ones struggling.

When my children were little, a few decades ago, I found when I opened up to people at playgroup I found the women who I had put on a pedestal in the motherhood stakes, were insecure about their abilities and often felt guilty. What surprised us was that we both liked the way the other person did something. I liked the way my friend would calmly get her screaming child off the play equipment when it was time to go. She said she felt embarrassed as her child was the only one that screamed. She liked the way I had a huge supply of dress ups and the way my children always were doing something creative. I thought my house was always a mess as it was full of dress ups and toys but she saw something different.

Nat had good ideas but having a support network. I have found if I take a risk and open up about my reality other people will open up too and I have never felt judged. in fact I am my most severe judge but that's another story.

I agree with about not wanting to be touched during that week, I used to find after looking after my children all day, and several days where I worked with children with special needs I was all touched out.

Hopefully you can find a women's health centre or a practice specialising in women's health or at least ring one up.

Maybe you can ask your female friends. Have you told your friends about how you feel?

Quirky

[Bee_03]

Totally a thing! PMDD

I track mine too & I'm having a day where i am struggling to get out of bed. I should be at work.

it was hard enough making the call into work sick.

I made it in yesterday against all odds but i am 2 exhausted to face the world today.

I know i will be ok when i get my period, it's just a few days.

But for today, little goals like have a shower, brush teeth & make it to the couch.

It's awful.

I think my reproductive system hates me