Self improvement feels like a chore

[Alel]

So I have to overcome anxiety, depression, agoraphobia, emetophobia and just learning to be resilient. 

I am on medication for two weeks now. I know it doesn't work straight away. 

I find myself just sitting on my phone the whole day. I have managed to do things I never could before, like make my breakfast and go bathroom on my own. But I still find some tasks hard. 

To overcome my mental illness and fears, I need to learn coping skills and face them. That includes taking showers, going out and walking. 

But I can't get myself to do any of that. Not only because I'm terrified, but I just feel like everything that is supposed to get me better, feels so exhausting even just thinking about it. 

Since I want to get better, shouldn't I be eager to do these things to ger better? 

Or do I not want to? 

I feel like I have to be mentally prepared for every little thing that happens, but no matter how much I try to prepare myself, I somehow never feel prepared and the task just causes me to be anxious and tired. 

[Alel]

It just feels like I need someone to tell me what to do and how to do it. I can't just do smth I know I NEED to do and I never WANT to do anything.

I know its to do with discipline and motivation, but I used to be so good with discipline. I did jump rope for 6 months straight. But now I can't take a shower when I need to? Or go see my grandma? 

It's so frustrating!

[Richju]

Dear Alel

Don't fight it. Just let it take its course and be so very kind to yourself while you're waiting for it to go. Luxuriate in the comfort of your bed. Listen to uplifting music and meditate or just concentrate on your breathing.

Old Grandpa Depression will eventually leave.

Richjuxx

[therising]

Hi Alel

A psychologist will give us dozens of reasons for how certain ways of thinking may get in the way of achieving. A psychiatrist may give us some more reasons, when it comes to how mind and chemistry work or don't work together. An endocrinologist may give us dozens of examples of how hormone imbalances can interfere with achieving certain things in life. A GP may give us a general idea. A personal trainer could give us dozens more reasons. A sleep specialist may offer much in the way of why we can't function without the right kind of sleep or the right amount of it. The list of specialists goes on and on when it comes to their individual specialty in relation to their experience and how we as humans tick. So, with the question 'Where's my motivation? Where's my energy to achieve?', you're looking at thousands upon thousand of hours of education and work in understanding the human mind and body. Btw, if a soulful level of understanding is something that floats our boat, there we'll find even more in the way of self understanding. My way of thinking when it comes to dealing with mental and physical health challenges (and even some soulful challenges) is 'I don't know what's wrong with me because I haven't yet gained the understanding I need and that's not my fault'. What would be my fault is saying 'I have absolutely no interest in coming to know myself better'.

Practice makes perfect or close enough to perfect to be satisfying. 'I am in the practice of _____' is something I've found to be a helpful mantra. I am in the practice of eating breakfast and that practice leads me to feel healthier with a little more energy, compared to when I don't have breakfast. If I read while I'm eating, I'm also in the practice of reading books. If those books are 'self help' books or what I prefer to call 'Help yourself to greater understanding' books, then I'm in the practice of helping myself through gaining knowledge. If these practices are peaceful, then I'm in the practice of gaining peace and a sense of achievement each morning for around half an hour. Through practice, they're becoming habits. They're not huge achievements and they don't have to be huge for me to feel them as achievements.

Discipline implies we have to be a disciple of something, a follower or practitioner of something. The more devoted we become to that following or practice, the better we get at it (the more disciplined). It's not just about 'having a shower', it's about the practice of having a shower. Much easier to start when the practice is simple, whether that involves a brief and non laborious shower or one with a shower stool or chair or one where we just get in there because we love the feel of the water or smell of the soap (aka meditating through the senses in the shower).

What do you wish to begin practicing/perfecting?

❤️