Self-diagnosed Depression

[Angel_423]

Hey,

My name is Angel_423. I'm a pretty average person. I strive academically, I have the most hysterical laugh and I crack awkward jokes.

But recently - nothing feels 'good' anymore.

My parent's fight. A lot. And when I get between them to allow them to calm down, they drag me into their fights and then I side with my mum because she is very timid and my dad is authoritative. But then, I get yelled at. I'm called the reason why the fight started in the first place. I'm sworn at. And they say actions speak louder than words - but not really - it hurts. The words hurt.

I just want things to go back to normal, but they don't. Something big happened and my mum doesn't talk anymore. My baby sister isn't getting the nurturing family she deserves and my dad is self-obsessed. I don't know what to do.

I just want to be happy again.

I'm feeling my energy slowly, painfully being sucked out of me. And sometimes I just can't breathe. If I'm quiet then people ask me what's wrong but I can't say anything because a lot is happening at school and I don't want to burden my friends with anything. I just want things to be normal again.

I try to forget, but then I enter my home and it doesn't feel like home anymore. I can't focus. I need someone - anyone - to talk to. Maybe this isn't depression and I say this because I do feel happy when I forget. But as soon as I come back - I'm sad. No one gets it. I'm too afraid to speak up, I don't want to burden others.

I just want to talk. I just want to be normal again. I want to laugh hysterically, I want to be awkward and weird... I want to be the old me.

Angel_423 x

[smallwolf]

Hi Angel,

welcome to beyond blue.

Can I ask how you get on with your mum? Are you able to talk to her about what you are feeling or thinking? Or perhaps a school counsellor or chaplain?

Whether it is depression or anxiety or nothing, there is something bothering you, something perhaps that you feel that you cannot rid of. I get it. It can be hard to speak about if you don't exactly know what is the "cause". But guess what... you are also speaking to me. Sure, it maybe on a forum, but you are still speaking.

Perhaps one place to start would be to look at the K10 test on the beyond blue web site. That was where I started, a couple of year ago.

Peace and comforting thoughts,

Tim

PS. I know you said that you don't want to burden others with your problem. But I guess that if someone spoke to you, you would try to help them out also. When the time of right you will also find your voice and not be afraid of speaking.

PPS. When you spoke of just wanting to be happy again... that is something I have mentioned a few times to my psych. Hope you will come back and tell a little more of your story.