Seeing someone who bullied you at school is now successful

[SwansandSharksMan]

Hi Everyone

When I was a t school I was an ok student. I did ok in math. I struggled with English and science but was ok in Geography and Economics. My biggest problem was that I was a slow writer, so didn't always complete exams. I did not get into University, I went straight into the workforce. I did ok. I was a good worker. I like to think I still am.

I also struggled at school because bullying affected my confidence and made me anxious, so wasn't able to concentrate.

There was a guy, who I thought was a friend, but was forever teasing me. He used to embarass me in front of others. He was one of those people who couldn't say anything nice and he was not happy until he was winding someone up. He did it all the time for no reason and I just hated it. My problem was I was too scared to stand up to him because I lacked confidence to stand up for myself.

Nowadays I see his name in a a few publications and occasionally drive past his office and he has become very successful. I don't mean to be jealous, but it just irks me because he has probably got successful by be mean, pushy and nasty.

Myself, on the other hand, will never be able to be a manager. I have just always struggled to have authority. Even my children don't do as I ask them. It makes me feel so sad.

[Aaronsis]

Hi SwansandSharksMan

Welcome to the forum ,it is great that you have reached out to get some support around what i can see is a really tough situation for you, one that not only makes you sad but frustrated and angry as well. It is really hard to get our heads around when we really want someone to be our friend V's when they are actually our friend and I think this person was most definitely not a friend. From what you are saying it seems like he probably struggled with confidence issues and his own battles too, making fun of others and teasing you and trying to make himself feel better at others expense, sure is not what a friend does and I am so sorry that it still causes you pain to this day, that is rough.

You may be right in saying that he has "made it" through being mean and perhaps making others feel bad about themselves, but hopefully the people that have to deal with him each day make him accountable for his behavior, or in fact he may have learnt a lesson the hard way of someone being mean to him and publicly humiliating him and he in fact is no longer this person, but, I think it will tie you in knots worrying about this individual and that is not healthy for you, it is natural to wonder and to even feel angry that he has become successful when you know how much pain he caused you, but hopefully by chatting here and letting some of it out you can put it in the past and leave it behind you.

It is tricky not to compare ourselves with others and wish and want better for ourselves.

I hear what you are saying in response to your struggles and that you yourself will never reach the same status as him, and you know what, that is fine, we are all different and I am sure that you are doing things in your life that he may wish he could do. I hear how sad you are and how this effects you, I am wondering if perhaps you can look at this from another perspective and maybe even consider that he is not the same person that you went to school with, just as you are not the same person who was at school.

I am so sorry that you feel that you also have little authority and even over your children, to be fair though, parenting is a really hard gig and I am sure that you are doing a great job. There are some great parenting tools available that could perhaps give you some tips on methods to change the way that your children respond to you, it is some learning however it may give you the boost you need to feel like you have some authority.

Hope to chat soon

AS

[white knight]

Hi SSM, welcome

I cant add much to Aaronsis's post, it is thorough. But one thing that has always passed my mind- the grass is always greener on the other side of the fence.

For example- I've been a manager. I also ran my own investigation business. Of all the other 88 jobs I've had (lots) and 13 professions, those two jobs were demanding and almost beyond my capability. Not only that, extra hours- employees ringing at all hours, higher tax bill, responsibility.

Furthermore, there are professions you can enter that don't have a need for high education. I became a private investigator by beginning in security then crowd control then investigations. I had year 10 level only. As you get older employers regard previous experience over education, life experience over uni and so on.

A final option worth mentioning is the Defence force. Many different professions can see you serve your country and get well paid and eventually leave with good superannuation and an occupation. At 17yo I joined the RAAF. I was involved in Cyclone Tracey in Darwin, a relief effort and received a commendation, one of my proudest certificates.

What do you think about these suggestions?

TonyWK