Scared of hospital

[Charteuse]

I have been on and off many different anti depressants for nearly 20 years . First diagnosed as post natal after my mum died in awful circumstances during the pregnancy of my first child. I have always thought of myself as resilient and determined despite a very difficult child hood and have succeed career wise . I have a great husband and wonderful healthy kids. I don't like relying on meds because of hang up over my mum's addictive behaviors ( which killed her) but every few years it seems to come back. A horrible depressive episode. It seems I  can be that adventurous, positive , spontaneous Mum. Wife and colleague. I can take on projects and succeed at high levels in the workplace with loads of energy and then I can be back here, a horrible person, irritable, angry, full of self loathing  and despair after my despicable outbursts.  I just ride the the ups and downs and apologies a lot to my family when I know I have been unreasonable. (God knows how I control it in the workplace but I seem better at controlling outbursts there)This time it has got so bad my husband said he has had enough, he has since said he doesn't mean it ,but I don't blame him. tI haven't been able to go to work or do anything for a week. Tomorrow I am likely to be admitted  to hospital. I told them I want to go because I can't cope anymore and I don't want to do this to my family. I don't want my kids seeing me like this. 

I am hoping someone is going to tell me that going to hospital is a good decision. I will do all the therapy courses an someone will assess me and give the right medication and I will come out and it will be all good again.  A few people,have told me it could be really traumatic and I should try to heal myself at home.  

[Daisycqt]

let me first say I empathise with you and can totally understand how you feel. In fact I've just posted a thread on how tired I feel physically each day. You don't say how old your children are and as I've never been hospitalised for depression (not yet) I can't say categorically wether it's good or bad for you. Each person will have their own experiences I suppose and give opinions from there. If it were me I would base my decision on wether it's a good idea for everyone to have a break or not. Would it benefit the kids for you to go into hospital for a while or would it make it worse for them if mum went away for a while. Kids do accept us flaws and all, and I know with my kids they preferred me at home and still do,depression and all, because they can at least still have a hug when they need one and feel better knowing mums their as their anchor. That said I grew up in a household that never a week passed without a heavy duty argument between my parents and I used to lay awake at night wishing they got divorced.

What do you feel, deep down inside is the best? What's your gut telling you? Generally that gut feeling is the one I would go with.

sorry I can't be of more help but I wanted to let you know you were not alone

[jtec]

Hi Charteuse!

I will make this as short as possible!

Answer to question in my experience!

It is tough! I went to a private mental health ward for first time recently! I was directed there by my partner and her parents! So i was very reluctant to go in first place! Not knowing what to expect it made it harder. 

YES! is my answer to should i go or not!

 The first week i hid in my room! just went to breaky/lunch/dinner and back to my room. I kept myself  busy by resting, reading and drawing picture for my kid. After the first week i went to the group sessions! I found it to be good in sharing and keeping my brain thinking about me...

I currently go to two groups on a Friday there as a outpatient! I secretly enjoy it !!!!

Said id keep it short but wrote a novel lol 

Hope my experience helps 

Jay      

[Charteuse]

Thank you so much Jtec. I am really hoping that this will be good for me and then of course my family will be better off. I have private insurance and from what I have read there will be opportunity for group and 1-1 therapy sessions. Hopefull I will get an assessment and end up with the right meds. 

[jtec]

You are very welcome!

If it anything like the hospital i went to that sounds about right! I really found it good to take my time before hitting groups. I did the whole one on one thing from the start. The reason i found it good to not jump straight into group was i think that i was not stable enough and the anxiety of the whole event was to much at first! So once i chilled out a bit and came to terms and let go of the stress and worry of being in the situation, I felt a cloud kinda lift.

The funny thing is that you walk around the wards and think wow!!!! He or She doesn't look like a person that you would think needs to be here!!!

Which then you start to relax even more! By that i mean i felt and was worried about being judged and then slowly i thought these people are everyday folk! I really am not alone!

So yeah turn out not to be as scary as you assume it will be!

I wish you the best of luck in the hope you take something that will help you to the road of recovery!

Oh and i have learnt that it isn't just the meds that will help you! It is you who will help you! and you are taking an amazing step by going in for the help so you have already started helping yourself! 🙂