Really struggling

a_bit_lost · ‎08-06-2018

I'm going through a really tough time at the moment. I'm literally hating everything about myself and my life. I've had some stresses in my personal life in addition to normal work stress which seemed to be a breaking point for me. I am unable to take time off work but I am in tears at the drop of a hat and have offended and ostracised a number of my colleagues, and can't stop crying when I'm at home. I've put on a lot of weight due to injury. I just got myself back to the gym when I injured myself again. I tried to make an appointment to see my doctor, or any doctor in the surgery but got told that there were no appointments for 2 weeks. I tried calling a family member, but that has simply made things worse. I just feel absolutely, and positively hopeless and nothing I've tried is making it better. I seem to be all up in my head and I can't turn off my thoughts. I live alone so being at home is the worst thing for me, but because I'm so upset, I'm not motivated enough to go anywhere or do anything. I'm spending as much time at work as I can but it's stressful, and not a particularly great place to be. I tried talking to a friend about it last night but she laughed at me and told me I probably just needed a good stiff drink - hence the reason for calling the doctor, but as you can see, that didn't really help either. I'm not at risk of hurting myself but am really apprehensive now that it's the weekend and I'm going to be home alone, in tears all weekend. I know that when you are feeling like this, that you should seek help. I know that the doctor's surgery didn't know how I was feeling, but it just felt like even my doctor doesn't have time for me.

Meowface · ‎08-06-2018

Hi there sorry to hear you are having such a rubbish time.

Workplaces can be so stressful - it’s a shame when we’re there so often but I feel like they affect a lot of people.

Being alone when you feel depressed is scary. It’s like having a flu with no one to make you chicken noodle soup. Sorry to hear that your friends reaction didn’t support you in the way you needed, it is hard for other people to understand.

I struggle often and have had to find some self-help strategies that I can do on my own to feel better. I will try to plan a couple of things on the weekend, like taking myself for a coffee at my local cafe, borrowing books at the library even listening to a podcast. Just little activities to fill those big long gaps on weekends.

Im also dealing with weight gain from medication. I’ve set a little weight loss goal for myself and that’s giving me something to do as well.

our lives might not be as interesting as everyone else’s on Instagram and Facebook (this used to upset me on weekends) but I’ve decided that finding some routine and purpose is important to help me going.

Do you have a pet? I’m looking at getting one soon for company and to walk. Take care xx

Lov3 · ‎08-06-2018

Hi there,

im glad you chose this forum as an outlet to vent and to get some help. I have found so many lovely people on here with such great advice!

I am fairly new at this but I wanted to jump in to let you know I am here for you. You have a lot going on and it definitely sounds like it’s all getting too much.

There are a few things you mentioned that I can really relate to. It sucks when it’s just everything that’s not right, you don’t know where to start. I too have lost interest and motivation for life and spend a lot of time in my head. It is very easy to slip into negative thought patterns. I try and have a go to thought that I snap myself into to try and stop thinking about things that make me feel bad or anxious. Meditation is another helpful thing you could try, it is a little hard to focus for me but I do find even just 5 minutes can be relieving.

I still am struggling with work and I also cry at the drop of the hat! Not being able to take time off work when struggling makes things very hard. Keep trying to see the dr, it is disheartening when you finally try to reach out and feel like the help is hard to get. I’m not sure if you stick to the same dr, if you are happy to try another I would recconend the ‘health engine’ app. It is so handy, it will bring up all apointments near by and you can book easily through the app.

I really hope you feel better soon, take care

a_bit_lost · ‎09-06-2018

Thanks Meow and Lov3. It's been a tough day but I survived. I managed to keep myself busy which helped. Having trouble leaving the house, but I did manage to have a chat with a neighbour through the fence which was nice.

I have a little dog. I would be lost without him. He's a rescue that had been abandoned at least twice before he rescued me. I was in a pretty bad place when he came into my life and I do genuinely believe that he rescued me. Unfortunately he's a little aggressive which makes taking him out really difficult. And because I'm so busy, when I have time off, I try and spend as much time with him as possible. But the usually means more time at home. I try and take him out in the dark but that's hard in winter and harder still when I'm feeling like this. Then I feel guilty that I have this dog that I am not looking after properly. Fortunately he loves cuddles so we spend lots of time curled up on the couch. Mostly he makes me feel better, but some days it's not enough.

I tried calling the doctor again today with no luck but I did decide to try another surgery who can fit me in on Monday. I feel better knowing I only have 2 more days to get through.

I can't thank you both enough for replying. I woke up at 2 this morning and as normal couldn't get back to sleep and then the negative self-talk started. I logged on to see some replies and definitely didn't feel quite so alone. I wasn't up to replying, but it was nice to feel like I mattered. I also got a message from a work colleague today checking on me. I definitely don't feel as useless as I did last night. I feel like the fog is lifting a little and that I will get through this bout. I always do but it's really hard to see that when you are in the thick of it. I wish I could tell myself that it will pass but it always feels impossible. I'm also scared that there will be that one time when it won't pass.

This forum and website is wonderful. Just writing my thoughts and sending them into cyberspace helps. Thanks google for sending it my way last night! I think if I had;ve accessed the page a week earlier, I could have avoided crashing into the void that I hit this week.