(Re)learning how to concentrate

[james1]

Hello everyone,

One of the things I seem to be struggling with is concentrating. Dissociation and obsessive thoughts aside, I seem unable to really do anything that requires mental work.

I think it's a major obstacle in me getting my life really properly on track because it means I can't work properly, and I can't write either which I want to do as a productive hobby.

I've tried things like getting up and going for a walk and listening to music (which is my version of mindfullness/meditation), but the best I can manage is writing stream of consciousness which I just get fed up with anyway.

Anyone have any ideas? I know I shouldn't be too hard on myself about it, but it's pretty darn infuriating.

James

[azarrah]

Hi Sara, thanks for your input. And feel free to call me Aza or Az 🙂

Because I'm a nerd, I did a little research into the links between depression and memory loss. For those who don't know, we have three types of memory: the first is working memory, which stores thoughts about whatever you're doing at that moment. It shuffles some of those thoughts along to the short-term memory. Lastly, the short-term memory eventually commits a very exclusive set of those thoughts to the long-term memory.

Depression may cause memory impairment not by directly inhibiting memory, but because it causes inattention and a lack of concentration. The memory isn't forgotten, it's just never made properly in the first place. I thought this was an interesting nuance. Sometimes understanding the science behind what you're experiencing can help you feel less frustrated; at least there's an explanation for why you can't pay attention!

Dissociation sucks. I have periods where I feel *almost* like myself, then I slip back into mild confusion and numbness. I think it's actually borne more of anxiety (about my own health, ironically) than depression, but this thread was more relevant so I stuck around here, haha.

Just wanted to comment also that if anyone reading this (mostly those who have strolled in from online, not posters in the thread) have not visited a GP about their concentration or memory difficulties, it's really worth doing. Lots of other factors can cause these issues, some easily fixed (like B12 deficiency) and some more serious. I am going next week to confirm that the cause is nothing sinister, and it really is "just" dissociation. Should bring about some peace of mind, at least.

In the meantime, we must hang in there and support each other 🙂

[BlackOnBlack]

I find it pretty much impossible to concentrate on anything, including work, for more than a few minutes. I constantly miss deadlines, or just can't get things done. I used to have a sharp mind, now that is gone. My medication (for depression & anxiety) helps to level my mood, but also fills my head with mush. Why do antidepressants have to be so debilitating in other areas? Trying a medication to help me de-stress in the hope that I will be able to concentrate. All it does is make be groggy.

Iam seriously worried that I may never hold down another job because of my inability to concentrate,even for short periods of time. The worry anf frustration feeds my depression. Its a vicious circle.

Stop the world, I want to get off!!!

[Just Sara]

Hey Az;

I'm like you; a nerdy nerd. lol The science behind everything interests me. Workings of the brain probably moreso. I like what you've bought up about memory too.

I'm loving your writing style btw. A very interesting and well written post. In addition, sharing your willingness to help others is pure gold on the forums. Thankyou...

Knowing the science absolutely helps in sorting thru the confusion as you say. Finding a way to apply that info can send me into hyper drive though; I think it has more to do with my intent than the facts.

Sigh...variables. The what if's seem endless; this annoys me. I want 2 and 2 to equal 4...simple. Instead, I come up with 8/2,12/3 or 9 - 25/5 and so on. Anal retentive at its finest. lol

Equation: Trauma x (Chronic PTSD + intelligence) - nervous system damage + brain scarring = me. Hmm...

Hypothesis? To ∞ and beyond! Or la-la land as it's commonly known.

Last night I had a depressive episode and thank goodness had a friend on phone to help. The realization that I may be like this for the rest of my life, and how my own habitual learned behaviour continues to place me at risk, struck with vengeance.

My will in finding a 'cure' has been my intention for around 25 yrs; science seemed my best resource. I purposely didn't include 'acceptance' in my equation for this reason.

In science, acceptance that an answer will never be available is incomprehensible and fraught with thoughts of failure. I'm at this stage in my recovery. It's a hard pill to swallow I'm afraid.

The upside though, is remembering how far I've come and that my hard work has paid dividends. My journey of a thousand steps has momentum.

Silliness is a way to avoid my painful reality. I hope you don't mind the banter. Wonderful chatting with you Az...

Sara

[Just Sara]

Sorry for hijacking your thread James; concentration or lack of it was the cause. lol Bringing things back to topic now. Sara

[james1]

lol no problem Sara. I always get a kick out of reading your posts. You type as I speak in real life - full of energy with gems (okay, admittedly that's you not me) of insight throughout. Unfortunately my fingers can't keep up when I post replies!

Hey blackonblack, if it's really disrupting your ability to work, are you able to have a chat to your doctor about it? You may be able to get a less disruptive medication. Otherwise, I also have spoken to my manager so I can just go for a walk if i need to clear my head a bit. Some days are still write offs, but at least we have that open line.

James

[Just Sara]

Oh James;

You underestimate yourself my friend. My Bouquet for Pearls thread pays homage to many wonderful quotes coming from your direction. It's also a reason you've been made a Champ. Booyar!

Which brings me to the issue of concentration. This word's been used to describe a lack of clarity and memory, however, it also represents 'focus'. It's oh so easy to credit others than to recognise your own innate gifts. By putting yourself down, what/where is your focus?

You deserve kudos from me, but it also pays to acknowledge yourself. In our society, bragging's used to describe someone when they admit or express a personal accomplishment, and in my book that's pure crap. Sure, there's those who use the attention seeking ploy, but that still plays into what I'm on about.

I've learned the hard way that focusing on 'out there' has its traps for those in recovery. The reality of memory and loss of clear thinking, is mainly about avoidance; whether it's dissociation or people pleasing.

I won't apologise for wanting to be a tall poppy, but life in Oz is fraught with weed whackers! And we wonder why this forum is plagued by crouching tigers! I want to feel big! Not megalomaniac big, self empowered and confident; standing tall.

My past is full of people wanting to shut me up and tear me down. Sure, I'm flawed and need constructive criticism just like we all do, but why get rid of me instead of giving me the opportunity to develop and learn from my mistakes if I'm willing?

I know this sounds a bit foreign to your original interpretation of 'concentrating'; my meaning is about who we focus on at any given moment. When I look at those times in my past that I felt fear or joy, I didn't exist. Now I do, flaws and all, for better or worse.

By concentrating on my flaws instead of me as a whole person including my greatness, I'm promoting a destructive outcome.

I'm sorry for my outburst; there are times I'm triggered by what I see in others, especially the good stuff.

You're the good stuff James and so am I...

Sara xo

[james1]

Hey Sara,

I love your post, haha. I hate our tall poppy syndrome too. I will happily tell people I have many talents that cover writing, music, academics, being relatively handy around the house, techy, drawing, photography...but there's always room for improvement eh?

I don't think you meant for it to turn this way, but somehow you've actually hit something I've had brief talks to my psych about.

Being unconfident in my own abilities is totally a problem for me when it comes to being able to concentrate. When I'm down on confidence (a lot of the time), I think I can do things but then I doubt and so I change my focus to something else to give me an excuse to do the former thing badly.

Result? Shocking focus and less than hoped for result.

So the hope is that I can learn to accept that yes, I can do all these things well - not perfectly mind you - and so it's okay for me to actually give it a full effort go and see how well I can do.

Prime example: I wanted to show myself that I could actually be a HD student. So I signed up to honours and said I'd give myself the best opportunity to get straight HDs. Then doubt crept in and I decided to continue working full time, that I'd pick up another tutoring student, and I'd also pick the hardest subjects. Naturally I didn't get full HDs but I had an excuse - I was working full time, I'd picked up another student and picked the hardest subjects for a full time study load. Duh!

I gotta give myself a chance for once!

James

[Just Sara]

Dear James;

Please don't berate yourself for something many of us do regularly; including me. Overwhelming ourselves with the 'doing' is avoidance at it's best. Unfortunately, this 'habit' causes massive anxiety for me now. In days gone by, I thrived on challenges of time management. But MI has its grip on confronting that baby. (For now..)

Lack of confidence is one of the leading causes of negative focus and loss of concentration as you say. So is wanting instant gratification and expectations of disappointment/doom and gloom.

Step forward PTSD!!

I tried to encourage my sister to study for over 20 yrs. I badgered her, hinted and left leaflets around hoping she'd find the courage to put her proverbial toe in the water. She has a photographic memory and a very impressive IQ. It wasn't until her work offered a short course that she discovered some confidence.

Mind you, getting her to Uni took a while; after cert III's and IV's, she finally did it and ended up blowing all and sundry out of the water. (All HD's) She received her BA in Drug and Alcohol (Hon) after 18 months working full time and buying her first house! Whata gal!! Mega jealous...

I knew she had it in her though; that's the thing James. I get what you're saying. I have a good mind, not like my sister, but in a more intuitive way. I have intelligence, but I use it differently. Like her, I've had to learn about me to acknowledge this. It's the 'doing' and fear of past experience driving my fear.

A leap of faith...

I get major depression or anxiety when I step out of my comfort zone. I've asked myself lately; "Is it worth doing, or should I just let it go and accept the consequences?"

Avoidance 101...

Sorry if I've redirected the topic James; this is in the fore for me at present. Your story has really resonated.

Kind thoughts...

Sara x