(Re)learning how to concentrate

[james1]

Hello everyone,

One of the things I seem to be struggling with is concentrating. Dissociation and obsessive thoughts aside, I seem unable to really do anything that requires mental work.

I think it's a major obstacle in me getting my life really properly on track because it means I can't work properly, and I can't write either which I want to do as a productive hobby.

I've tried things like getting up and going for a walk and listening to music (which is my version of mindfullness/meditation), but the best I can manage is writing stream of consciousness which I just get fed up with anyway.

Anyone have any ideas? I know I shouldn't be too hard on myself about it, but it's pretty darn infuriating.

James

[Just Sara]

Hi James;

Great topic!

My sister came over this morning for coffee; as we talked I felt so stupid because it was as if I had dementia. I couldn't focus or remember simple names or details. I was embarrassed but more-so concerned as I'd never gone thru this before.

While mulling over family issues I tried to say something and the words wouldn't come out. "I have to accept..." then again I tried; "I have to accept...why can't I say it?" I began to cry deeply and whispered; "I have to accept I'll never be the same person again." I couldn't stop the tears and grief.

Since my sis left, I've been wondering around my home in a bit of a daze. It really hurt to say those words and accept them. It left me with a sinking feeling that bought home the true nature of my damaged mind.

Anyway, your thread holds power within the realms of this horrible disorder and its symptoms James...thankyou for giving me a space to express.

Sara x

[james1]

Hey Sara,

Thanks for the reply.

I know the feeling all too well of just mentally going blank and not being able to verbalise something just too close to heart. It's like reaching for a child who's just run away, and you're left with only a bare memory.

Sometimes I wonder whether we should leave things be, but other times I wonder whether it's best to come face to face with the reality of, as you say, our damaged minds...I don't know the answer, but I suspect you did the best thing by getting those words out, painful as they were.

Being left in a daze sucks, but with support from our doctors, it's something that I hope we can slowly get better at managing.

James

[Just Sara]

Hey again James;

I know your topic is more about the learning process to cope better with the afflictions of MI. So I'll tell you that 10 minutes into the conversation with my sis, I kicked into being present and found my voice.

What helped was the patience and caring of my sis. She went on as if it was a normal part of my day, and kept me talking. Without her help I would've been even more concerned and maybe not come out of it as easily.

Having people in our lives who get it, can allow us space to be ourselves and use the strategies we've learned without worrying about their responses to our symptoms. It's not just about us (re)learning, it's about educating our loved one's and giving them the tools to support us.

Kind thoughts;

Sara x

[james1]

Hey Sara,

I think you're right. I spend a lot of time trying to do things myself and it's really not healthy.

I do have a couple of friends who are supportive, I'm just perpetually afraid of losing them. So I suppose that's why I see my psychologist so often (twice a week)...ah, the journey is a long one indeed...

Thanks for the reply

James

[Starwolf]

Great thoughts from great minds...

Every experience changes us, sometimes it is a barely perceptible shift, other times our very core is shaken. The truth is we can never be totally who we were yesterday.

I believe acceptance is a necessary step on the healing journey. But I don't think accepting damage as permanent is helpful. In my experience, some wounds take many years to heal but eventually do. I went through many phases that seemed terminal at the time...but they passed or eased. Some returned but eventually faded. Another thing which has been useful along my own journey is that some of the changes were of a positive nature. But a troubled mind finds it difficult to see those...pain can take attention away from all else. It took me a couple of decades to even realize that some of the changes were actually something to feel thankful for.

Of course, every journey is a very personal quest. But many have found that surprises do lurk around corners, some unwelcome, some a blessing. And yes, there are long, tedious stretches of unchanging landscape. I have found those the most difficult to be patient with. They're the ones that tend to slowly sap hope and faith.

It is during those that my own attention span equaled that of a grasshopper. The mind had nothing "solid" enough to hold on to so it leapt about from one thing to the next or ran around in vicious circles. Dissociation sure didn't help. I found it terrifying at times. This restlessness exhausts the mind so I found myself unable to follow anything through, may it be thoughts or actions. I guess it is what mental burn out feels like. Not to mention all the negative feelings that went with it...

And no, I didn't suddenly snap out of it. Living in Asia for a decade taught me that the mind can actually be tamed and trained...a concept that was never mentioned in the western cultures I had been exposed to. At first it was disbelief but I saw it at work. Saw that it did work. Disbelief turned into revelation.

It is the hardest, most demanding task I ever took on. Turning the tables on whatever controls us is not easy. I accept that it may not be for everybody. But it got me where I am today. This old boot is scuffed and worn but comfortable at last.

[Starwolf]

Yes Sara, you got it...your sister kept your mind on track.

[quirkywords]

James

Have you been reading my mind. I have always found it hard to concentrate especially when I was manic as I was easily distracted. Even now on medication I have a low concentration level and get impatient easily. I am ware of this and am working on it.

Sometimes when I am feeling down I can not concentrate.

Sara

You wrote

"Having people in our lives who get it, can allow us space to be ourselves and use the strategies we have learned without worrying about their responses to our symptoms."

I can relate so much to that . In the last year for some reason I sometimes have trouble thinking of a word- just a simple word and for someone like me who loves words- speaking, reading, talking and listening , it can be scary. Now I just take a deep breath and the word usually comes, if not, I use another word and move on. My friends and loved ones just wait for me and don't comment or judge. I do enough of that for everyone.

Thanks James and Sara for your thoughts.

Quirkywords

[Guest_322]

Hi James,

Poor concentration does sound very frustrating and possibly even disheartening at times. I imagine when your heart wants to do something, it's as though your mind isn't quite cooperating.

While I can't personally empathise with poor or compromised concentration, I still wanted to pop in to show my support.

Hopefully, with the right support and help, you'll find a way to manage any concentration struggles.

Dottie x

[MsPurple]

HI James great topic

Today I have been struggling with today (and the last few days). I don't know why I am struggling at the moment. It comes and goes in waves. I think it gets aggrivated by my anxiety. I have reduced my medication about 2-3months ago (doctor approved and we are working together to reduce medication and keep anxiety under control because I want the least medication for the best management) and I'm not sure if that is helping with my concentration. That or maybe if I wore my glasses again (they are really weak and I got them only because I am dyslexic as well) I would concentrate better. I struggle the most when trying to read. I sometimes worry that when I'm talking to people that I'm looking like I am struggling to concentrate in the moment. I worry they can notices, then I get concerned that they know I have anxiety, then I worry if they think I am capable of doing my job etc. I kinda go from one thing that leads to something silly. IT comes from me struggling with concentration which kinda sucks. I find when I am not stressed it is better. I think I should do my meditation again cause I found that would help

Sorry I kinda went on a weird tangent there but I kinda just left it cause its meant to be on concentration issues. Hope you all have a good day.