Pressure to be happy

[Lookingforpeace]

Does anybody else ever feel the pressure to be happy, or even the pressure to just NOT be depressed?

My husband and close friends know I have depression, but sometimes when they ask me how I'm feeling, I just pretend I'm okay. Often I will even respond chirpily to mask it. Partially this is because I can't be bothered talking about it, but sometimes it is partially because I feel pressure to get better, like I know they want me to get better and when I'm not, I guess I don't like admitting it.

It's not so much the stigma that prevents me from being honest, as my hubby and friends are very understanding and don't make me feel ashamed for it. It's just sometimes I feel like I'm a let down for not improving.

Admittedly, this pressure is entirely self imposed.

[Fairywings]

Hey there hun welcome so very glad u joined us. All the time i hear you.  Don't feel like a let down going thru depression is never easy and improving happens at different rates for everybody. Please don't feel as tho u r failing to get better it just takes time and alot of positive self talk and positive self reassurance. I'm sorry u r feeling this way right now and I hope uv will find the support u need in here with us. Venessa xxoo 

[Lost_Girl]

Hi,

Yep! I feel the same. I have the same kind and caring hubby and friends but every time they ask how I am and I am the same or worse they feel bad for me. Hubby looks disappointed and while he's empathetic I feel like I let him down and I am forever apologising. He says I don't need to. I don't pretend but I also don't say how I feel unless asked. Sometimes he will say I seem better and I have to say I'm not. It is hard.

However through all of this I know that they ask because they love me, they are sad because they want my pain gone, that's truly wonderful to be loved like that.

I know I am doing the best I can each day, even if that's nothing. If my body needs to do nothing then that's ok too. The depression takes time to get through and there are ups and downs. I have chronic pain too and that's hard.

However I am here, I am supported and I will come out the other side and so will you.

Here for you

Carol

[geoff]

dear LFP, absolutely, because it's an expectation that now you should be feeling well especially after all these years of having treatment from your psychologist, and being on AD for such long time, so why shouldn't you be better, but with depression it doesn't work that way. Geoff.

[Anahata]

Hi Lookingforpeace, I can totally relate. I just wanted to share something interesting I saw on TV a couple of weeks ago.

A study took two groups of people and got them to watch a sad and distressing documentary. One group was instructed not to cry and the other group was encouraged to express themselves freely. After the film the physical strength of the two groups was tested and the people from the group that had to repress their feelings were physically weaker.

So there you go, scientific evidence that putting on a brave face is actually physically exhausting.

I think I am suffering from that exhaustion myself at the moment. I am going through something a bit hard and scary for me and keep telling myself to be 'positive' and to trust that it will all work out but I haven't been letting myself feel my true feelings about it and now I feel like I have been hit by a truck.

I also feel the pressure that I should be feeling better after all this time. Most people kind of expect you to improve and get frustrated when you don't or when you do and then backslide.

[Ruby__2]

Hi Anahata I would agree with you . Utterly exhausted and constant headache from not revealing my anxiety /depression to certain people . The pressure from others can be isolating as rather than explain and face possible ridicule (you'll be right /what are you sad for )I avoid people . I don't have the energy to deal with them . I have a friend who has been depressed and on meds for over 20 years and have been her sounding board and willing listener through all life's ups and downs and when I confided in her the response was basically snap out of it . Very disappointing :(So grateful for BB for it is true about the kindness of strangers . Thanks for your insight .

[pipsy]

Hi there. Lookingforpeace. The stigma attached to anyone suffering depression is enough to make you feel more depressed. We try our best to 'put on a happy face' because of the belief that no-one likes to see us sad. Then when we do let our guard down, we're told to 'snap out of it, rise above it' etc. Depression is not something we willingly choose, rather it chooses us. Try not to look on it as 'letting anyone down'. Depression is an illness, like any other illness. Perhaps next time someone asks you the inevitable, 'how are you?', rather than saying you're feeling a bit down, maybe telling them you're just not your usual 'sunny' self. Even those who are not victims to this debilitating condition have their 'off' days, and no-one thinks anything of it when they say they're not up to par. That might help take pressure away from trying to explain why if you're asked what's made you feel this way. I think possibly the 'self imposition' you're feeling could be a bit of a guilt complex because you feel you should apologise for not feeling 100%. Part of depression is because of the guilt attached to the feeling. It's an emotional, roller coaster of ups and downs.

Most of us here on these forums have 'been there, done that'.

Lynda.

[Anahata]

Oh Ruby, that must have been so disenheartening. You would think with her experience of depression she would be more empathetic. I guess she thinks she's the only one in the world who can feel that way and if you did too it would take some of the attention off her.