It's all getting a little much

[ChrisG]

Hi guys

I'm new to BB and have spent the last couple of hours reading some posts by some very brave people. This has given me the confidence to reach out so thank you.

Like so many of you, my life seems great from an outsider, I have a beautiful supportive wife, we have recently been blessed with a baby boy (8 weeks old), supportive family and great group of friends.

Over the last few years I've been seeing a phycologist to help deal with mild anxiety that I have been getting through work. We've worked on mediation/ mindfulness which seemed to work. I worked in a high paced, corporate sales environment. Late last year in the lead up to the birth of my baby the anxiety for work got a lot worse and I started getting panic attacks. This then turned into depression, fear of not being able to provide overwhelmed me.

This was scary as I was expecting my first child and my wife and I have had a really tough time getting to this point. I didn't want my negative self talk to cloud this special time.

GP's have tried some meds, but to be honest I couldn't get through the first couple of days of the meds, I felt like I had completely lost control of my thoughts. So back to focussing on exercise and meditation.

I resigned from my high paced sales role to shift careers into something I think will be better for me and my family. I start in the new role next week. This decision has been over my head for six months and now that I've made it new anxietys have appeared, will I be able to provide etc.

Some days I'm up; thinking positively about the next step and challenge, others I get really low and feel guilty for the potential financial pressure I'm putting on my family.

We have a huge mortgage, like many in Sydney and I'm scared that this anxiety/ depression will effect me providing for my family.

I know meds will help the low days and they are starting to get a little worse, but I don't want them to effect my up days, zest for living, energy levels and being able to be present with my family.

I feel for my wife who has been on this journey with me. I just don't want to bring her down anymore.

Would love any feedback / thoughts you may have.

[blondguy]

Hi ChrisG and a Warm Welcome to the BB Forums

My name is Paul. I do feel for what you are going through now. I have had severe anxiety for many years and it is a bad place to be in. I also have worked in the same high achieving corporate environment as yourself and what you are going through is awful Chris.I understand exactly where you are coming from.

I also understand that you are very concerned about being a 'good provider'...and good on you! You have great courage to write and talk on the forums Chris. If I may start on a huge factor in your favor...and If I can quote you " I have a beautiful supportive wife, we have recently been blessed with a
baby boy (8 weeks old), supportive family and great group of friends"

You are very self aware and thankyou from speaking from the heart...You also have a good understanding of the meds as well. The meds do have as you mentioned the pro's and the con's.

*Pro's....You will have a solid foundation on which you can heal and move forward...with your family/career

* Con's ...Your sex drive may be affected ...a bit...and yes I did read about the zest and energy levels...they may be effected as well....maybe.

I also have a mortgage and I have had to make a call just like you have done with your career..and well done to you by the way to dump the super high KPI's .

Just my very humble opinion Chris...You are a great husband...and you feel for your wife who has been on this journey with you which is crucial...but right now you have to treat the anxiety as a physical ailment...a virus...an infection...a broken limb....even just try a very low amount just to take the edge off and give yourself a chance to heal...

You have covered all the bases with a therapist and coping techniques and good on you too! You are self aware and an excellent father/husband as well....Please be 'gentle' to yourself and maybe try a basic dosage to begin to heal in conjunction with regular support from your therapist/GP.. The more regular the support you have the more you will heal.

Congratulations too ChrisG on the birth of your son! (when my daughter was born 23 years ago..I was terrified and had the anxiety/depression as well)

There are wonderful people on the forums that can help Chris...I hope you can post back with anything you wish to discuss.

My Kind Thoughts for you

Paul

[geoff]

hi Chris, and welcome.
When you put two situations together such as a stressful job and the arrival of a new baby then not only many thoughts about what's going to happen, as well realising that your life has made a dramamtic change now, could be overcoming, and with this comes anxiety, and I'm sure that it happens to most people, but when you find it difficult to cope with then you need help along the way.
Some people will try and get on with their life, but with this lays problems along the way which only is the base for more trouble, so that means we have to 'nip it in the bud' so to speak and not procrastinate.
Starting a new job is always scary, we don't what the conditions are like, what the management team are like, and how will we get on with our new work mates, so all of this makes us nervous.
What I am worried about is how the both of you are travelling with the new baby, as your baby boy is only young. Geoff.

[Fulminator2]

When I was at my worst, going through panic attacks, depression and odd urges to strike out (which I didn't indulge), I tried a CD on meditation (among other techniques) by a psychologist called Kam Wong. It helped, along with a treatment regime for my ADHD. I found that with panic attacks it helps to back track over what's happened to you recently and pinpoint the thing that triggered the unease. No matter how physiological the symptoms, there was always a specific psychological trigger. Identifying and confronting it makes it easier to cope with it. One other recommendation is a classic book by Dale Carnegie - "How to stop worrying and start living". It helps get worries into perspective.

[ChrisG]

Thanks Paul, really appreciate your words and understanding to the situation, that means a lot.

I've felt quite alone the last few months even though I have some much support, it's good to actually speak with others that seem to really understand what I'm going through.

Thanks for your wishes for my baby, he is the best thing that has ever happened to us, he is my priority and my wife is an absolute natural as a mum, I am blessed.

I am now looking back with regret over the decision to leave jobs, I feel I let anxiety get the better of me and I know it's wrong but feel weak. The pay was good and I feel I should have sucked it up. I know this is stopping me from getting excited about the new challenge which is the mindset I need.

Did you ever look back with regret when you changed careers Paul?

As for the meds well, my experience was really bad, I lasted the most amount of time (only 2 weeks) with an anti-depressant but I felt like a zombie and was unable to be effective or function in my role. My wife hates me being on the meds as well which was added pressure.

What is your situation with medication Paul, I know everyone is different but would be good to hear from someone that has gone through it. Also, the forums on the net re meds are horrible!!!

Thanks so much for taking the time to reach out guys, I hope I can do the same for you all one day.

[ChrisG]

Thank you Fulminator, appreciate the tips. Will look the mediatation up.

I'm a huge Dale Carnegie fan and i have read his book, but at the moment I find reading these sorts of self-help books bring more awareness to the anxiety which can make it even worse for me.

But I will re-visit that book, appreciate the advice. Thank you

[White_Rose]

Dear Chris

Hello and welcome to Beyond Blue. Congratulations on finding the courage to write in. I hope we can help and support you on your journey. You have received a number of fantastic replies with excellent suggestions. I hope these did not overwhelm you, especially as I am going to add my two cents worth.

Many congratulations on the birth of your son. This is an exciting and terrifying time getting used to a new baby, wanting to do all the right things and afraid you are doing the wrong things. Don't worry, most parents, including me, have been there and baby has survived it all. They are quite tough little creatures despite their deceptive fragility. I bet your son has already got you jumping through hoops. I had four children, two girls then two boys. Now I have eight grandchildren so I think I may have done something right.

Geoff commented that new jobs bring their own anxieties with them. I remember starting a new job and being keen to make a good impression. Unfortunately I had to phone in the first day and tell them I had the 'flu. I think I would have walked on hot coals rather do this but I was so sick. Had the first week off. Then I discovered I hadn't been paid and phoned in to ask why. My previous employer HR couldn't work out how to transfer me to the new department so put in a code that said I was on unpaid sick leave. Fortunately my new HR people put the matter straight and I got paid. How to make an entrance!

You sound distressed about your depression. Believe this is the work of the black dog and not you. When we start to believe this is our real persona instead of the entrance of the dog, life can be very hard. I believe you are coping well, especially now you are a dad and about to start a new career. Good luck with that.

You said you had been seeing a psychologist. Is this still the case? If you feel you had some benefit from the counseling it may well be good to return. Sometimes when our lives get very difficult we lose sight of our coping mechanisms, which why we need a refresher course. Antidepressants can pose problems. I have lost count of the number I tried which either did nothing or had bad side effects. But I also have problems with other drugs. Now I am taking an AD from the tricyclic group of drugs. These were the original ADs. This is working well with a minor side effect. I know it's hard to cope with side effects, but they subside in a short time. Try it for a couple of weeks to see how you feel overall.

Mary

[ChrisG]

Hi Geoff,

Thank you for taking the time to respond.

No need to worry about my baby, he has a super mum and we have great support around us. As I said earlier I'm blessed and it is something I'm thankful for.

Do appreciate your concern though.

[blondguy]

Morning Chris

Thanks for posting back. I do look back at a couple of my jobs with regret at leaving them. I know the feeling.

Just an interesting way of looking at meds...I used to be very much against taking meds. After spending nearly 7 years in the family court (and having a senior work role) the depression hit me hard....very hard back in the late 90's. My female GP said I needed the AD's or sooner or later I would have no job or home as the symptoms were severe. I was in my 30's and still refused. My GP firmly replied "so Paul....do I tell all my diabetic patients and all the people with high blood pressure to stop taking their meds? What makes you so special Paul that you dont need to take these AD's?" That hurt but she was right

My GP did kick me hard....but I needed to kicked. I notice that your wife doesnt like you being on AD's...with all respect that is sad to read. If you had a physical illness I am very sure your wife would be making sure you take them religiously. Agreeing to commit to the AD's actually ended up helping/saving my career and my home..my sleep and let me help myself.I made sure I had the lowest dosage when I did start them though.

Meditation and exercise are great tools Chris but if your are suffering on a daily basis being on the meds can enable even greater self healing. The first few weeks taking an AD can feel like you are a partial zombie but that sensation does go away and you can get on with healing effectively.

You have already helped many people who read our forums and choose not to post that find themselves in the same situation as you and I Chris....so your input is greatly appreciated.

I will check the site again and hopefully we can have a chat again if you wish of course

I hope your weekend is being good to you

Kind Thoughts

Paul