Preassure to work

[Airies]

Just been on the phone: 30 minutes of questioning re depression symptoms and the last year.to cut a long story short claim paperwork for inability to work.Repeated the same questions as previously. How do you begin to describe how depression has impacted on you?thoughts of suicide?attemps? How worthless at times you feel? And then planting the seed that you are young enough to work? 53 and then wanting someone to touch base with you in that regard.

i spent 25 years working in Justice Department totally burnt out and then returned in casual capacity and the wheels well and truly fell off last year.Only now am I beginning to return to some sort of normality. But only at a fraction of my former self. I don't need the triggers, prompts to return to work. If I could I would. A couple of driving trips to Melbourne stressed me out. Ended up going to bed @ 5:30 last night taking extra meds so I bombed out and 15 hours later stuffed.Every day is just a battle. I can only do a few things before it starts to take its toll mentally and physically. Sorry about the rant. As always blow things out of proportion.

cheers Len

[white knight]

Hi igbran

Not dissimilar here.

Burnout is an apt word I feel from people that over work. I describe it as a bucket. Those not stressed gave little water in their bucket and as stress grows it slowly gets to half way then empties.

People like you and I have our bucket nearly full. The slightest issue and it overflows. We are then a mess.

Effectively we are damaged goods. Once at this point we need to reassess every task and all aspects if our life to limit the frequency of the overflow. Google

Topic: be radical- beyondblue

I've ended up in a small country town, got a small cheap to run reliable diesel car, eliminated toxic people from my life, my wife has organised bills through direct debit, we visit a major city once a fortnight for groceries but never stay more than 2 hours in the town, we have a dog, hobbies and planned picnics.

I'm glad I've gone to these extremes, to forecast I wasn't going to improve. But to salvage the remainder of my tolerance and mental capacity.

Another example: I was also on the phone 30 minutes to Telstra. Once off the phone I was mentally spent. Turned the phone off and tinkered in my shed for the rest of the day. The next day turned the phone on, an angry friend had left a message after ringing 5 times. Do you need to be able to handle that. Explain calmly your need to withdraw, if they don't want to try to "get it" then they go in that toxic basket.

Take care.

Tony WK

[Airies]

Wow Tony,

i can relate on so many levels. You and I probably walked the same tiers in Melbourne. I was a young bloke of 23 when I joined the Office of Corrections. Worked various locations and positions. Left and come back and 25 years later I'm pooped to put it midly. I can't even look at the uniform and news stories freak me out.

ive narrowed my world to eliminate the toxins, ceased friendships, then renewed and then ceased again. 30 minutes on the phone ,getting interrogated as this young bloke going through his questions. He's got no idea what I've been through. at the end of it all I was so rattled I went back and forwarth to the couch about half a dozen times looking for my keys or specs I can't recall. I grabbed my dog ,walked a few laps of the oval,enjoyed the rays of the sun and engaged with some normal people and dog lovers on the oval which was refreshing,

from a fellow old turnkey Len

[Airies]

Tony,

thank god for our spouses. We go food shopping fort nightly,she does the banking, we love our walks together with our dog and on a good day I enjoy taking in the surroundings when able to. I won't be working again. I simply can't. I've gotten over the guilt.I functioned at such a high level for so long but I paid for it severely and dearly. The phone call rattled me along with a previous phone call from a former colleague to go to a work renunion 20 years after the commissioning of this institution. I was forgotten in the list of invitees.maybe I'm being precious or think I'm special. Regardless I wouldn't have gone anyone.can do without all that back slapping, drumming up of old memories.

kind regards Tony

cheers Len

[Airies]

Tony,

i see you had the sense to leave after 3 years. I made the mistake of returning after leaving twice. It was if that job defined me. Apart from that I've only worked in Libraries and Aged Care, taxi driver for a day and promptly got lost lol.As much as we had great holidays over the years, many I've forgotten and theve become a blur as have many of the years.its a tad indicative of my topsy Turvey mental and physical health. I've got 2 great kids and a loving wife. If it wasn't for them i would give in to the demons.But I'm rallying yet again.

cheers Len

[Airies]

Thank god for Google Tony.Thats a very informative and helpful link.Thankyou:)

cheers Len

[white knight]

Hi igbran

Thanks. Glad to be of done help.

Interesting who you meet in this small world. As a highly emotional young man of 21yo in 1977 I should never have worked within those grey bluestone walls. The other side of me, that tin soldier, prevailed.

Those days I couldn't understand why my life was such a roller coaster emotionally. I had excuses, I need a holiday, my girlfriend is erratic and my brother suicided. All true but I wasn't facing the core if the problem.

Glad you're here mate. It's a good place.

Tony WK

[Airies]

Hi Tony,

yep it's a small world..At the time I'd had a desire to work in customs(didn't make it), Australian Protection Service,and applied out of curiosity. Yep I too completely unsuited. I adapted, like you soldiered on, transferred to Closer,then newer facilities.More and more demands., a few breakdowns, went back to libraries and now nothing but here today.

Being here today is so helpful.i can have all the drugs,ect treatment, counselling , Dbt Theraphy in the world, but opening up here, talking to like minded souls, its amasing how much genuine,meaningful advice is here. It's a very therapeutic community to be in. It's funny we (as in the community) here have never met but the bond here is so so close. All I can say is thanks for being here. Beyond Blue has been life changing