Feeling disappointed and down

[Hopefullseeking]

I have been seeing a shrink for many years and have been medicated for the last few years for major depression/dysthymia/anxiety, ptsd, etc. For the last two years I have also been seeing a psychologist and have come a long way.

I am on two types of anti-depressants, we tried to reduce one of them earlier on in the year but I didn't cope to well so they were upped to the origianal dose agian. This time we have tried to reduce the other ant-D and a bit slower but still with negative results.

I am feeling like a failure, I am so much better than I was a couple of years ago so thought I could cope with the reduction but no it doesn't seem to be working.

I go down hill with my depression and my coping abilities suffer too.

I don't want to be on meds as they do affect my liver but I can't seem to cope without them.

Any feed back will be appreciated.

Anne

[blondguy]

Hello Anne

You have been on the forums for a while now and always great to see you:-)

You are no failure, in any shape or form. Handling depression takes monumental levels of inner strength. I have the same 'invisible crutches' as you do. People just cant see them.

I heard 'Starwolf' say that depression is like walking around covered in a heavy blanket...she is spot on...it can make it damn difficult to us to find our way...let alone how draining it is.

Just some background for you Anne, I have had acute anxiety since 1983 and depression from 1996. I have been on the same AD for 20 years now. My GP is very interested in mental health so I was lucky and landed the right AD which I may be on for ever. I also take a small benzo dosage before bed which is a great calmative and promotes a quality REM sleep (not waking up dopey) which helps me big time the next day

Do you have a good GP that can give their opinion the meds your psych has prescribed? Getting a second opinion is always a bonus. Information/knowledge is always handy

I have no experience on side effects regarding liver function. Did a liver function test show any issues?

I do feel your pain with this mongrel illness Anne....not a pleasant place to be in.

My kindest thoughts

Paul

[Hopefullseeking]

Hi Paul,

Thank you for repling. Yes I have been around for a while and am doing a lot better and managing ok most of the time now.

It is so hard to explain to people about coping with depression, the blanket analogue is a good one. Thanks that will make it easier to explain, to those that want to hear.

I have had depression and anxiety all my life but it has only been in the last few years that my shrink thought I needed medication. It seems having my son involved in drugs and going to prision tipped me over that edge.

I do have a very understanding GP but she very much leaves the medication side of things to my psychiatrist.

Fatty Liver Disease shows up in a blood test with alevated liver enzymes, but unfortunately as most medication is broken down in the liver, these tend to send my liver function tests into high readings. Fatty Liver Disease can result in cirrhosis of the liver.

My psychologist gave a glowing report but still said my mood is fragile, she was hoping I would be furture a long by now, and I feel I have such a long way to go.

I try so hard to put all the stratigies I am taught into practice but it doesn't take much to send me down either. I have come close to giving up many times but won't let it beat me, even writing this is emotional for me.

I comfort eat quite badly and that effects my liver to. Some times I feel all is hopeless but I keep going. I can't believe misery is all there is to my life, there has to be something more.

I have a good social life and volunteer but at times doing that is hard, i keep doing it because I know it helps.

I am also a master at putting on the mask so others don't know how I am feeling, that is draining.

I am raving so will finish off now.

Thanks Paul

[james1]

Hi Anne,

Your doctors have given you some strategies which you try to implement, but it sounds like sometimes it's too hard to do that.

That's okay. These are strategies. They're not "You must do this by next week" directives.

I also comfort eat. But this is what I tell myself: "Okay. You gave in and ate big three lunches today between 11 and 1PM, just because you felt like it. That's okay. Get a banana, put it down next to your computer, and the next time you want some fatty noodles, eat the banana. Try again tomorrow."

The recovery is about celebrating your success - "Yay! I ate the banana instead of noodles at 2PM, AND I went to get an orange to replace the banana." - and being kind to yourself when you forget the strategies you've been given.

And about the mask - I do the same but it's a similar story. Pat yourself on the back whenever you do tell people how you feel - for example, by posting here. Well done! - but when you don't, it's just because you don't feel safe. And that's okay too.

I hope this makes sense and helps. Above all, I just wanted to let you know that we can see that you're struggling, but you're trying. And I think that's really courageous.

Good on you!

James