On the brink of falling into another hole. Really can't afford to - 3 year old and 3 week old baby to look after.

[Steven1]

Hi everyone. I haven't posted for a while. Been feeling flat and low. I have had the last 4 weeks off work, supporting my wife and looking after our new baby son. Has been great being there at this special time but it has also been overwhelming. I go back to work tomorrow and wonder how that is going to go with a lack of sleep.

Have been managing my depression ok for a while but some early warning signs are telling me I could be on the way down again. Haven't exercised at all for over a month, got no energy, losing interest in things and feeling hopeless again. Not sure what I can do to arrest the downward spiral as I don't have much time for me at the moment. My wife is relying on me as she is still recovering from a caessarian and is feeling overwhelmed with the new baby and our other young son. Any thoughts or advice would be great.

[Neil_1]

Hi Steven

I was going to say "welcome back", but now I won't say that, cause as you're back it means that things aren't that flash for you.  So I'll simply say, "Hi".  Having said that, it's great that you are able to come back here and post again, so bugga it, I will say "Welcome back".

I'll also say CONGRATULATIONS to you and your wife for the arrival of a new baby boy into your family.  I hope everything went as smoothly for all concerned and I hope like crazy that you haven't gone and done something as totally weird as Lara Bingle has done with her baby boy!  I only heard this morning;  they've got a new baby boy and have named the poor little chap, "Rocket Zot".  What the ...???   No wonder Clarkey moved on from Lara !

Ok, ramble over, I'd best address your post.  🙂  🙂

Mate, with regard to work, they'll know and hopefully understand about the sleep deprivation issues for a parent with a new bub;  if they don't they perhaps should have the rock that they're living under removed.  I do hope your workplace is a good one and that things aren't super busy in your area - but then again, if things are a bit busy, that will be good in a way, so it occupies you and keeps you ticking along.

How will your wife be able to get on at home while you're at work?  All ok ?  Are there other rellies or perhaps even neighbours who might be able to pop in from time to time to help her;  especially if she's still recovering from the caesar that she had.

Mate, I'm hearing you but let me say loud and clear, you ARE NOT hopeless.  That's the old brain wanting to bend it's evilness into you - do all you can not to let it.  You've got a beautiful wife, a new bouncing baby (why do people say a bouncing baby?) surely that is child cruelty at its worst, to see whether a baby bounces or not - whoops, slight digression again.  You've also got a job, you HAVE been managing your depression of late - see, all that spells NOT hopeless.   Super important to know that.

I think what is also important here is for not just you, but for both you and your wife in the upcoming period of time to find some "me time" for each of you.  So you can both recharge batteries at different times.

I'm almost out of characters, but would love to hear back from you.

Cheers

Neil

[Steven1]

Thanks Neil. We are enjoying the little fella and no we didn't pick a weird/wacky name. I hope he likes it when he grows up. 🙂

In regards to work, I work for a large government department. I am one of about 300 in my "team" if you call it that. I am really just a number but in saying that, they have always been good to me in the 4 years I have been there. My first shift back today went ok but I am noticing that I am getting a lot of headaches and feeling nauseas at work. I'm not sure if this is anxiety/worry or side effects of my medication. My GP ran some tests a couple of months ago but they were all clear.

The last two nights I have woken up drenched in sweat. Don't know what is going on there. I don't normally feel anxious about my job because it is familiar and comfortable to me now.

My wife is recovering a little more each day and has the support of a few friends and our next door neighbour. She found that she coped ok today without me so that is good news.

I hear what you are saying about us needing to find time out for ourselves.. we just have to get through the newborn phase and then find someone willing to babysit two small children! That is the difficult part. We rarely get to spend time together anymore and I feel like things have changed between us the last couple of years.

[purpleenvelope]

Steven firstly congratulations on your new baby 🙂

I may be of no real help but I just wanted to mention, don't underestimate the lack of sleep and unbroken sleep and its affect on your mood. It can really mess with your head and make you feel really off track and out of whack so just keep that in mind. For me, as soon as my sleep is messed with (when I am feeling OK and coping) I begin to feel really low.

I am sure you are doing a great job of supporting and helping your wife, The fact that you can see and feel early signs is really good. Hope you are able to get on top of it soon.

[toobs]

Hi Steven,

I understand how you are feeling.  I have a 14 month daughter, as well as a 9 year old son and a 14 year old daughter.  It can be tough in the house, especially with the baby being so time consuming.  My wife does extremely well with the kids, but as I am home all the time running my own business, it can be demanding for me also.

You've done well with your first step of going back to work.  Well done!  When feeling flat I know it can be hard to go back and face the work place.  If you ever feel yourself in the position you can't go back, I feel it is best to at least go back for a few hours per day rather than not go into work at all.  For me, it started with one day at home, then another, then it was 9 weeks straight.  I ended up going back for 2 hrs a day, then building up from there.  It sounds like you have gone back ok, so well done Steven.  If you are struggling at work, I found it helps for management at work to know my situation, or at least a friend at work that understands your situation.  Don't fight your feelings alone at work as I did this and I spent hours at work with thoughts dwelling up inside and it soon became my worst moment.  It sounds funny, but try whistling at some of your down moments.  Either it helps keep your mind off your feelings, or you just feel so ridiculous it can cheer you up.  Give it a go : )

In regards to your hectic life at home with the family and wife, work at your pace and take it in your stride, but keep helping out and be active.  I know it is extremely hard when you feel flat.  Open up your binds and curtains also so your house is bright.  I found I just wanted to keep it all dark.  I remember just laying in front of the TV all day, which is not a good place to be.

In my recovering days I could feel myself slipping back into the hole you are talking about.  When I was off my medication and felt myself slipping again I would start taking the medication again until I felt a little better.  It is all a slow process but there is light at the end of the tunnel and you can work through this.  As your wife feels better it may get a little easier for you, but the children will always be demanding.  Don't let their tears and screams get to you.  It is just noise and they will be ok until you tend to them.  If you need a break, placing a child safely in a cot and having a break for yourself can help.  Take turns with your wife with the kids to give you both a break.

I hope this has helped Steven  🙂

[Steven1]

Thanks Toobs, I appreciate your post. Good to know that others have felt the same way and got through the other side. I know there is light at the tunnel, I just have to weather the storm. And thanks purpleenvelope - I think you are right about the lack of sleep. I think it is a major contributor to my depression.

I have my good days and bad. Today I had a good day. Yesterday was bad. I am all over the place at the moment. It sounds strange but I am finding work the easier part than being at home. My job is easy and comfortable. Home is more stressful.

Lately at home I have developed a really unhealthy habit of sitting in front of the tv when I get home and again after we get the kids to bed. I know there are other better things to do but I feel tired and lazy so I do nothing. And then feel guilty about doing nothing. I know I need to be active and that exercise helps a lot but I am struggling to fit it in timewise. I really have to make more of an effort.

Still taking my medication but not finding it helps like it did at the start. Does your body get used to it and thus it becomes less effective over time???

[liveinlight]

Hi there! Im new here and just read your post! I totally understand what you go thru! Im sending you alot of light ok so that you see your way again! I am just trying to get myself out of my own black hole and have to get excercising again aswell ! As hard as it is i know exercising is vital part of my well being, i go on youtube and watch extreme weight loss episodes and that really helps with motivation! Dont give up ok! 🙂 

[Steven1]

Thanks very much liveinlight. I appreciate your support.

We had a really bad day yesterday. Our 3 year old was out of control, throwing tantrums and carrying on. Baby was unsettled and my wife was in tears. Was a horrible day. Things a bit brighter today. I know that we are going to have our good and bad days...

[Neil_1]

Hi Steven

I too enjoyed liveinlight’s motivational response – it’s great really isn’t it – this site, as others who post to a certain person, their posts can be read by all and some of those responses, though not intended for the reader, can have really good effects on whoever reads them.  Very convoluted way of getting across my message there, but hope it was read as I intended.

That’s also a super big thing to realise and it seems you have – that there WILL be bad days, but to know also that there will also be GOOD days.   So when the good times do come by, make sure you drink in those times and relish and cherish them. 

Kind regards

Neil