new, numb, powerless but hopeful

[trustno1]

Hi,

I'm new to this site but i thought i would give it a try. I have been diagnosed with depression for a month or so now and started some medication but i don't feel like it is working and want to know if there is anything i can do by myself rather than going to a professional. I don't like the idea of going to a psychologist as they are just getting paid to listen to my problems, which i don't think are worthy of sharing. I am numb. Emotionless. Or really sad 90% of the time. I struggle to get out of bed and i have increased thoughts of self harm, yet don't want anyone to see or know so prevent myself. I am constantly putting up a facade to my friends and family because i don't want them to see me as weak, hopeless or powerless. I don't want their pity. I need to help myself so i don't need to tell my family to be able to go to a psychologist. Please help

Thanks 

[Zeal]

Hi trust,

Welcome to the forum!

If you don’t mind me asking, how long have you had depressive symptoms before your diagnosis? It sounds like your depression hasn’t been long-term, meaning you have an even better chance of overcoming it! 🙂

Sometimes antidepressants seem as if they’re not working, but in fact they are making a difference. It can be hard to judge. Medication won’t completely stop the depressive feelings and symptoms, but will help to lessen the intensity somewhat, which also gives you a greater chance of responding to treatment. Make sure you never stop taking medication without seeing a doctor first.

Even though it may seem as though a psychologist is just paid to listen to your problems, this is only scratching the surface of their role. Some people, yourself included, don’t like sharing details of their depressive state with others. Talking through your problems out loud is really helpful; otherwise, the thoughts will be repressed, unexpressed, and undealt with, which is unhelpful. Everyone’s problems are worthy of a psychologist’s attention. If your thoughts are causing you distress, then they are definitely worth getting off your chest!

Struggling to get out of bed is unfortunately a quite common symptom of depression. Make sure you tell your psychologist or GP about your thoughts of self-harm: it’s important not to keep this to yourself. It’s a good sign that you are able to prevent yourself from self-harming: this is strength. Try to not worry about what friends and family think: your family should and probably would be supportive of you if they found out about your depression.

Depression is not a character flaw or weakness; it’s an illness. Some people are genetically more prone to developing depression, like some people are more prone to autoimmune conditions such as vitiligo, or heart defects. You are definitely not hopeless – you can get better. You’re also not weak (you can stop the urge to self-harm), and you’re not powerless 🙂

If you have a good relationship with your family, you don’t need to prevent yourself from confiding in them. If you don’t want too many people to know, you could just talk to your Mum or another family member you feel closest to. It will be comforting to have someone else you can talk to besides your psychologist and/or GP.

Good luck with seeking help and getting better.

Best wishes,

SM

[geoff]

dear Trust, I too would like to welcome you to this site, and I thought that I had to reply to your comment before I log off.

SM has given you a remarkable reply which I hope that you are able to read a couple of times, as she herself is in training to become a qualified psychologist, and not that far from finishing, so she understands what you are saying, and how you feel is what depression makes us feel like.

Firstly you are not, and I'm not going to use that word you say, because it's not true, and when we go and see a psychologist doesn't mean that we tell them our story and it doesn't mean anything to them, but in hindsight it does, it's by no means senseless, because they are trained to listen and then confront the problems that we have, no matter how simple they are, or how simple we feel they are.

For them to solve our problems is a big plus for them, because they have achieved what they set out to do, as it's no different than standing in front of the goal square in a grand final, and if you kick that goal then your team has won the final, that's how important it is to them.

Please rethink about your thoughts, because not only do we want to help you, so do the qualified people. Geoff.

[lostgirl17]

hey there,

Much of what you wrote i understand, I am not new to this forum but come back on and of it ever so often. I also suffer severe depression alongside anxiety and an eating disorder and have for 2.5 yrs now,  i can't help you with medication due to I'm not on anti depressants etc, but i wish to help you with the psychologist . for 1.5 years i was told by a few close friends and always pushed by my family to see one and i felt much like yourself and had the exact same thought and didn't want to see one, eventually i did and had a few awfull experiences and it took me over a 1 year to find a good one, and i still see her, but she is the one thing that has helped me, and i know now it is worth it even though it did take a lot of time, i know they may just be there to listen to your problems and get paid for it but also isn't it better then no one listening to you? my psych has also showed me and made me more aware of how i think and how i act which is great because i am becoming slowly more self aware. i would deffs recommend it and i hope u feel better. 

[White_Rose]

Dear Trust

Hello and welcome to the Beyond Blue community. You have been given heaps of advice above and I do urge you to consider this. ADs take 6-8 weeks to kick in properly so four weeks is not long.

Your comment about psychs being paid really rang bells with me. I felt the same about the first psych I saw. It made me think that no one was interested in my problems unless they were paid to do and how disgusting I was to pay someone to do what I should do on my own. Ah, the brain twisting power of depression.

Of course it's not true. I pay a plumber or electrician to repair things in my home because I do not have the least clue how to do it. Talking to family and friends is great in many ways if they are prepared to support you. The difficulty here is that they want to tell you what to do and everyone has their own theory.

A psych is there to help you sort out the reasons for your depression and the best way to manage. It will take a little while because, if you are like me, you want to get there in a hurry. My psych tells me that patience is not one of my virtues. Those who know me will nod their heads and laugh. I am one of the most impatient people around.

So I suggest you see a psych. Visit a couple of times and see how comfortable you feel. Psychs and patients do not always 'click' so you may need to try someone else. But whatever happens, stick to it. Once you have relaxed I think you will be pleasantly surprised.

I echo SM's remarks about telling your GP and psych about your thoughts of self harm. It is really important. Another suggestion is to write down the way you feel and the things that bother you. When you chat with your GP or psych you can use this as a prompt list. I hate it when I get home and realise I have forgotten to say something.

Hope to hear from you soon.

Mary

[Zeal]

Hi again Trust,

White Rose (Mary) made a great suggestion; to take a written list of things/topics you want to discuss with your GP. I've actually done this before, and found it really helpful.

Thank you Geoff for your kind words. I've still got a way to go before I can become a registered psychologist. After this year, I still have one year left of undergrad study. I then need to be accepted into the one year Honours program, and then I have to pass an interview process to be able to complete my Masters in Psychology. Only then can you hold the title of Psychologist! Gosh, I wish I was closer Geoff! haha