Not Sure Why..

[SamanthaCam]

Well I guess I best introduce my self, I'm 22, live at home with my parents still whom act unappreciative of my existence in our house, even though I know they 'love me' they sure don't act like it. We barley have any form of conversations and if we do, its more like aggressive talking towards me.
I started my own events management company whilst working fill time else where as well, and recently held my first event (expo) which 120-ish people came to and to which I spent every waking minute for the past 8 months planning and co-ordinating leading up to it. Which I'm proud that I've achieved at my age.
Meanwhile I've been dating this guy since January, we started off pretty perfect and to which I have never felt more in love with in my life, we had planned to go to New York during new years, (to which I found out he was planning to propose)
Probably about 7 months ago I caught him lying to me on multiple occasions and he had done something which he knows is not ok in my books and is something that my previous (and only other x boyfriend) did but on a more extreme level. He looked through my phone while I was sleeping. I caught him. He denied it.
I then caught him looking through my laptop while I had fallen asleep, I caught him again, he denied it. He then admitted to doing it to my best friend, and also told her that he had hacked my emails from his house as well as my Facebook. Which he then also admitted to me when I confronted him.
I have nothing to hide at all, its more of a trust thing. Since that day, I have felt empty, all the time I used to enjoy my job, I now no longer enjoy anything at all. I don't even feel a strong connection with him anymore, the only thing I seem to want to do is go out and drink.
I'm now stuck with these plane tickets to New York, which I saved so hard for I have told him I refuse to go with him.
Had planned to go with my best friend instead since we have been meaning to go for years and years. She has now also cancelled due to work.
I feel empty constantly, not knowing what I'm doing, feeling like I'm wasting my youth and my time in life. now I have no feelings for anything. No motivation, I've stoped working on my business which used to be my passion and drive for everything and although I'm still with my boyfriend, we had a 5 month break which didn't seem to help, he's very understanding and accommodating now but I honestly feel as though I have no idea who I am and that I'm dead inside & have no idea what to do

[Neil_1]

Hi Samantha

It’s a very confusing situation.  I know the last time I wrote you, I was suggesting to try to sell the tickets – but there still is the option for you to go and go on a solo basis, isn’t there?  As you say, after all, you did put in so much effort to purchase these tickets for this trip.  It’s something definitely worth considering.

Your response to picturing a life with him is kind of *shoulder shrugs* speaks volumes to me – and not good volumes.  You’ve got so much in front of you to discover and look forward to and to try – for you to just go, ‘meh’ with regard to you bf is not a good thing.

You mentioned that the weekend away is something he wants to try and recover, the laughing, the bonding, the good times, etc – but I get the feeling that this won’t help things at all.  If that’s the case, I certainly wouldn’t be trying this.   Quick story – many moons ago, when I was young, I was married and after just over 12 months, we found that things were falling down – lack of communication and lack of feelings.  So we decided to go away for a few days together – what happened out of that was to pretty much reveal what was happening – that the marriage was over and it was time to split and move on.  The unfortunate downside of those few days away, was that it cost us a stack of money to find out something we pretty much already knew – kind of a cold way of looking at it, but also reality.

Samantha, keep on talking to us here – we’re here to try and help and care for you, and support you through this time.  It’s damn difficult for you right now.  A little ploy for you – either type or write down – two columns – one for the pro’s that you like/enjoy about your relationship and the other for the con’s that you dislike.  Take your time, we don’t need to know – this is something just for you.  It can be major big things or tiny miniscule things – it’s not supposed to be a deal breaker for you – but something just to give you to work on and think about.

Hope to hear from you soon.

Neil

Ps:  Shadow, I really hope that you can go to the Young People site on this website and post a bit about your story – there’d be a lot of people here who would be keen to jump on your post to help and support you.