Not sure what to do?

[Tgirll]

Everyday is a struggle. It has been for maybe close to a year now. It's like I don't enjoy the day and I can't wait for it to all pass so it can be night time and I can just go to sleep. I feel like and haven't for a while, like I don't enjoy anything. Things make my anxiety a little bit better i think but I don't often feel many positive emotions. Or maybe I do but just very very minutely? I feel I can't just relax and just be in the moment. I feel like I'm just waiting for night to come so I can just be in bed and don't have to force myself to do anything.

I know I have depression and will be having my fourth psych session this Tuesday. I have never had depression before (maybe mildly but never enough to really impact me or last long enough). I was diagnosed with GAD four years ago (OCD as a child and have always had anxiety) so am familiar with bad mind numbing anxiety and almost constant panic attacks but not so much these negative feelings. I had a real bad anxiety period over a year ago and i think thats where this depression stememd from if that makes sense. Despite having anxiety, I have always loved talking to people and doing different things and exploring the world. Now it's just like I want to sit still and do nothing. Everything I do I feel like I'm just passing time so that I can go to sleep and hope that I'll wake up a bit better tomorrow.

it frustrates me because everything is pretty good in life. I have such an amazing partner, I have friends (I use to be so social now I strugggle), I work but shorter hours now since this newish job, my family is super awesome... I just don't feel much of these positive feelings anymore. I just don't want to engage and this makes me feel bad because I know I'm not this sort of person. I have always been quite positive and could make almost any situation positive.

I also get upset that maybe I'm not making any progress and that this is the new me and I'll always be stuck like this. Some days I have the strength to laugh a bit and engage in conversation a bit more and act better and do more things even if I don't fully feel it. Is that some progress or am I just like this forever now? I used to love joking around and making people laugh and making them feel good now it's like I just don't care and I hate that.

Thanks a bunch for reading! Sorry there is so much to read lol

[Frantic1]

Tgirll your description sounds exactly like what i am going through. I also cant wait for night and dread waking up in the morning. Sometimes the depression does lift slightly and I guess that is what gives us hope that we can get through this. If you could chart your day you would find that some moments aren't as bad as others. I guess all we can do is keep doing what we normally do and try and get some enjoyment out of previously enjoyed activities and wait for the depression to lift. I hope your psychology sessions are helping.

I know what you mean about being able to see help with the anxiety but not the negative feelings. It seems that no matter what I do they are always there. We will get through this and get back to the happy, social people we used to be. Hang in there.

[Tgirll]

Hi Frantic1,

Thank you so much for replying. Even your reply helps and knowing I'm not alone in this. Funnily enough with the whole charting thing, I was on the phone to a friend before who is a psychology student. She made me remember that when I first started going through this bad episode, I actually wrote a bit about how I was feeling. It made me realise that although I don't feel great right now that I have actually made progress in other ways, so it was a good little reminder that things aren't permanent and positive change can be made. Please remember this for yourself too 🙂

my psychologist has helped ease my anxiety a little but it's only been three sessions and getting background information right now rather than actively working on CBT techniques. My friend also said it takes an average of at least 12 sessions for it to start being effective. Of course it's different for everyone. Are you seeing somebody also?

I agree with you and yup we do have to hang in there because we can get back to how we used to be. I was doing some reading yesterday when I wasn't feeling good and kept reminding myself that I have to be easier on myself and give things time. There is still so much I haven't done that has been proven to help anxiety and depression such as exercise, sleeping well, taking good supplements and eating well. I have started some exercising and taking vitamins and supplements in the last 3 or so weeks. I have just bought a couple of extra. I need to give these things time to work and to remind myself that there is so much out there that can help and to not lose hope.

Thanks again for your reply and I hope you're having a better day today 🙂

[Frantic1]

Tgirll I'm glad you are feeling better. It is so nice to know that there are people here who understand and support each other.

i have an appointment with my psychologist next week. It just takes so long to get appointments unfortunately. There is a lot we can do to help ourselves and yes you are right, we have to give things time and try different things. It is hard to stay in the moment and not project into the future and stress over every little thing but looking after ourselves while we go through this is so important. I have started exercising too and am hoping that will help me sleep better. Might look into getting some vitamins too.

glad you are feeling better and that you have talked to your friend

Frantic1

[Tgirll]

Yeah I guess it comes in waves. Some days feel better than others, a little up and down but I guess recovery isn't linear.

I guess it can make it a little difficult if appointments take a while but in the meantime while you're waiting, it may be a good idea to use the beyond blue chat services if you really need some support. I've never used them myself but I have heard that they are great.

I'm glad you have started exercising again. If you have days where you really feel like you can't exercise, go for a brisk walk. Also Take a good quality multivitamin.

all the best 🙂