Not really sure where to start...so ive started here...

[Aldusa]

Hi guys,

Im not really sure if im posting in the right place, or if here is the right place to start....or if I am to start anywhere at all....But anyways, here goes.

My loving partner of 7 years has just told me that for the last 10 years, he has not been happy. That he lives day by day because its the only way he knows how to make it to the next day. He is scared of the future, and scared to plan anything beyond tomorrow (eg, he didn't want to get a loan for a new car we desperately need, and he didn't want to help plan our daughters birthday party that's on Saturday because "something" might happen). He also says its he feels his life is constantly missing stuff, when he knows its not, and that the feeling of happiness if a momentary thing, that it goes away and he ends up feeling like there is a "great big hole". He works a night time job, and all he does is sleep and work, and all he wants to do is sleep on his days off.

Our relationship has always been great, our Daughter is a bubbly happy 5yr old, He works hard, Is a wonderful dad and partner....but....yeah....

Sorry that explanation is all over the place, Its hard to make sense of this at the moment. 

I have very very very little experience with anything like this....and I don't know what to do....I don't know what to say....and I don't know where to start (apart from here...). I did choose to start here as it is anonymous, and I figure you guys would be able to relate and point me in some direction and tell me your opinions of what I can do to help, where I can get help for him, and if im suppose to make a big deal of this or just go on as per normal...

All I want to do is help him. And I have no idea how 😞 

[Neil_1]

Hi Aldusa

Well done to you for coming on here and giving your (or your partners) story.  And well done to him for being able to divulge all of that to you as well.  That would have been a massive thing for him to unload to you.  And now for you to come on here to reach out for help, that's a huge thing also, but a very positive step.

My first port of call would be to get your husband to your local GP ... and if he's ok with it, perhaps you could tag along ... although having just thought about it, perhaps you could go along on a subsequent visit.  He might feel more comfortable with just himself and the GP.

But it's a very positive step that both of you have taken.  I can also very much understand how your partner is feeling;  I have many 'balloons of depression' hanging above me ... I call them that, because each one contains a thing/issue that is making me feel this way.  And one of the main ones is that I have no interest or enthusiasm for anything ... for life ... happiness is a word in the dictionary.

Best wishes

Aldusa

[geoff]

dear Aldusa, welcome aboard.

Oh dear what a terrible and awful situation you are both in at the moment, and he has been hiding this from you for 10 years or so, and maybe he has been totally embarrassed by his depression.

He should not be ashamed at all, as depression is an underlying illness that has crippled so many people and because of it's debilitating nature it just creeps up on us, and most times we are in denial, just believing that we are just going through a bad period.

We can't or don't want to make any decisions because this responsibility is far too difficult and usually we make the wrong choose, because our train of thinking is blocked by this depression.

That's why to make a choose of a new car maybe made without clearly thinking about it, or can we actually afford to buy it, and even if you have plenty of money this still doesn't make any decision for him an easy one, and really he can't be blamed for this, but I know that it puts you into a difficult position.

I am sure that he is a loving and caring dad to your 5 year old daughter, who is at a stage where she can't understand what the hell is happening to her dad.

I also realise that what he had to say to you must have been so unaware that it was coming, but most depressed people can pretend to be happy, putting on a brave face, but underneath they are hurting so much because of their depression.

Why don't you click on 'resources' at the top of this page and get BB to send you out all the printed material on all the types of depression, it's free, but very good if this is your first encounter with this illness.

I would also like to suggest that you ring the chat line at the top, where you can talk to the experienced people who take the calls, and I hate to mention this to you, but this new period in both your lives is going to be difficult.

Your husband needs to see his doctor and he can also get 10 free visits to a psych, and these 10 free visits can happen every year.

Please get back to us, now that you have joined the forum, it's important that you talk to people who are in the same situation or have overcome this terrible illness. L Geoff. x

[Aldusa]

Thanks guys, You have no idea how relieved I am. Geoff, your right, I was totally blindsided by this. I have taken both your advice and he has a doctors appointment first thing tomorrow morning, the receptionist said something about a mental health plan?

I do understand this is going to be hard, I don't think ive ever cried so much. I just feel so helpless. but then again, I think helpless is a massive understatement right now.

I am about to get on the phone and talk to someone from this wonderful organisation and have a chat.

Neil1 and Geoff, thank you. Thank you so much for replying. I know my partner is the one going through this, and I know this sounds so so selfish, but you replying made me feel like I wasn't alone. That my concerns were valid. Thank you so much. I am sending you both massive virtual hugs.