Advice please

[hamishandme]

Hi I'm a 54 yo lady, hospitalised with breakdown and dxed age 34 with major depression (PND) have been on max dose of a well known anti D ever since. 

Going fine until recently when my husband became depressed 18 months ago due to job and money worries, now I'm finding it increasingly hard to cope as he has been really down. 

I have never stopped taking my meds and don't wish to, just think maybe I need more or different ones. I visited family interstate recently and had to take an anti anxiety pill that I sometimes use for flight phobia. But I took one tab each day as I really wasn't coping and was going off at my husband constantly. I haven't been that bad for about 18 years. 

He had promised that the weekend would be "time for us alone" but his phone went off the whole time with work calls, plus, we had to attend a work function as well as see my family. My parents are on the higher end of the narcissistic scale, and my siblings don't really get it, so it's always stressful, I hadn't seen them for 2 years. I've been invited to a family 21st soon (it's also interstate) and I'd like to go but I think it would be way too much for me. After I got back from the weekend interstate, all I wanted to do was sleep, I think that was because of the anti-anxiety meds. Plus I felt my marriage was over because I'd been so horrid to him. But it wasn't. We still love each other and he says I've been through worse. 😕 I feel I should go to the 21st to support my brothers but then I think well, they don't actually do much to support me. 

I have no friends, I am too scared to socialise because I got badly burnt by a female narcissist friend who basically abused my friendship for 10 years. Narcs seem to be attracted to me as I am a soft touch. 

I am most sad and anxious in the mornings, then my meds kick in and I get busy and I seem to be better in the pm.

Don't know whether to go back to my old psychiatrist from 20 years ago - he may have retired but he was quite good - or see a psychologist. I have read in places that anti-d's can "wear off" after a long time, but my GP says no they can't. But she really wouldn't know as she's not a psychiatrist. 

Any advice from those with longterm major depression would be most welcome. 

While I was having coffee with my family on our weekend interstate, one of my siblings happened to tell me he had major anxiety which I think added to my panic. They do tend to "unload" their problems on to me. None of them ever ask me how I am, it's always about them. 

PS My psychiatrist originally had me on 1 1/2 times the maximum dose but I cut it down because I wasn't happy about that even though he said it was fine. That was 17 years ago and my GPs have been re-prescribing it for me as it worked well then. 

I just don't want to end up having a breakdown ever again which I did when I was 34. 😞

[Chris_B]

Hi hamishandme,

Thanks for joining the forums.  I've been living with depression for quite a while now, and have found that at my lowest points having support from a counsellor, therapist or psychologist has been invaluable.  The meds do what they do in the background, but for me, a lot of the recovery work happens when I can be supported to change negative thought patterns, or through life changes and events that seem overwhelming because depression magnifies them out of all proportion.

With regards to your medication, it would be a good idea to revisit that - I can't supply any medical advice on what does and doesn't work, but the main point is that you, the patient, are not in a position currently where your depression is being managed.  Whether that requires a change in medication, or adding in therapy as an option, should be discussed with your doctor and if your doctor isn't listening, then go to another.

You can find psychologists, psychiatrists and GPs in your local area by using the "find a professional" section in the "get support" menu at the top left hand of the page.

Hope this is helpful.  Does anyone else have advice?

best
CB

___________________________________________
Online Community Manager

[hamishandme]

Thanks for the sensible advice Christopher, it really helps to do a "revision course" and realise it is not me, it is the depression, that is magnifying things and causing anxiety. I woke up this morning and reminded myself that anxiety is "just a symptom", and I calmed down immediately. 

I had an awkward meeting with a GP, who drew up a mental health plan but went through all my history in the presence of my daughter, and in retrospect I shouldn't have let that happen, I wasn't comfortable speaking about it in front of my daughter. The GP also referred me to a local psychologist but I did not think she was that good. I may ask my old psychiatrist to see me as he has prescribing expertise. Years ago, I tried 2 psychiatrists before I found a good one. I feel I don't have the luxury of time now, I want to take action immediately. One of the main reasons I cut down my dosage is because, every time I went to a chemist to have the prescription filled, they'd look at me in horror and say "Do you know this is a very high dose?". That used to freak me out, and I didn't have the confidence to say to them "well my doctor says it's fine". So I said nothing and felt awful. 

I had a look at MoodGym and I think I'll try that. I know a lot of techniques from years ago, I just need to start DOING them again. I think the latest stress of my husband's work etc has caught me off-guard and I need to re-instate my management plan actively and immediately. 

I've already decided I'm too fragile to attend the 21st. It's not worth the risk. It's more important that I'm home with my own husband and family, and not getting exhausted from travelling etc. Plus, seeing difficult family members. 

Thanks Christopher. I looked up some info on whether my medication can "wear off" but the general opinion is that it can't, it's still working fine (that's what my husband thinks too) that it's more likely to be additional stresses making me feel depressed and anxious. 

[geoff]

dear Hamishandme, can I mention this in two ways and firstly that the body gets used to the amount of medication that you take, and this happened with me after taking my antidepressant for several years, so that my doctor had to increase the dosage to get me back to where I felt better.

Secondly when someone drinks alcohol and have done so for a long time, then one or two drinks doesn't give them the initial buzz like it did at first, so now we need at least 5 or 6 drinks to get where we were once before, purely because our system becomes used to the amount we drink or take in regards to medication, so that's why it may need to be increased.

It's not so much that 'they wear off', but like I just said, we need a boost to get us back to where we want to be.

Now if I need to re boost again I will have to change medication as I am on the max dosage, but this worries me as I will have to go through the process of eliminating any side effects, and having to cope without any antidepressants until the old one has left my system.

I would probably think that your old psychiatrist may have retired, and in the last 20 years there have been many different changes and theories in which he may not have kept up with, I maybe wrong, but it would be a good idea to seek someone out.

It's a shame that marriages and/or relationships suffer when either one of the couple has depression, and even worse if both have depression. L Geoff. x

[hamishandme]

Hi Geoff, thanks also for replying. The way you explain it makes sense, how the body gets used to a medication. It's better if I take it first thing in the morning, as it takes hours to kick in. My depression is very severe, so it wouldn't be surprising if I needed more or different ones. Plus therapy support. Currently there is no-one I can even talk to. I don't know of anyone else who has depression who wants to talk about it. When I first was diagnosed, I didn't even have a mobile phone let alone the internet, so there must be lots of older people like me who are not aware of what's available. 

My husband may or may not be depressed, he says he's fine (!). I tend to see people who are sad or down and I tend to assume they're really depressed which isn't always the case. So maybe I'm saying he's depressed when he's not. His work dried up for a while there but he's quite busy now and seems a lot happier. Anyway he promised me that if he was depressed, he would ask his doctor for help. 

My daughter suggested I look up a psychologist who I saw about 10 years ago who was really good. So I will do that as well as everything else. Every little bit helps, I know that from the past. I'll keep you all posted :-/.

[geoff]

dear Hamishandme, try and take it easy, remember Rome wasn't built in a day.

How did your daughter cope and what was her reaction, as she must have known that you weren't well.

Sometimes there is a problem when we sit down and talk to someone because usually they can control the conversation, and mostly want to tell you what's wrong with themselves, so these people aren't the ones to discuss your depression with, because normally when you start telling them, their mind has drifted away.

I do hope that your daughter will be a good support for you. L Geoff. x

[hamishandme]

Thanks so much, Geoff. I'll try to be patient lol.

My daughter is amazing, thank heavens. I've worked very hard over the years to create my own little family which is VERY different to the one I grew up in, i.e. mutually supportive and caring, and non-narcissistic. 

Yes I know all too well what it's like trying to talk to people who are eager to offload their own personal experiences. I'm sure they mean well but I don't have the energy for it. I'm very careful who I talk to if anyone at all. Thx again!!!