Not coping with life atm. Venting I think.

[Noskillz]

Hi all. Not sure if this will help. Have so much going on in my life atm, like a lot of others. Am currently in bed, where I should be sleeping. Unfortunately, I am having anxiety, feeling depressed and mild dark thoughts. I keep telling myself that I am just being stupid and to just toughen up and move on.

I am trying to move from regional Qld to Melbourne. Lockdowns, border closures etc are not making this an easy task. My family don’t want to discuss these problems with me and just say it stresses them out too. Have other family telling us not to go and putting pressure on us to stay.
I have tried to make people understand. I can not stay here in this town much longer. I work in a dead end job with no respect from management or colleagues. I am the only male working in my store, so none of them experience the same level of sexism from the store and some customers. I feel moving to a bigger city gives me a chance to get away (Or maybe run away) from current life choices, failed friendships, failed career choices and start new.

I am working two jobs to try to raise the money for the move, but every time I do, expenses appear and I am forced to begin again. I feel like I am losing at life and am losing hope. I am struggling. Just feel like I should give up in so many ways. Really not sure what to do any more. My heart is racing and I just feel like I want to crawl into a dark corner and cry my arse off.

I am sorry for the long read. I thought maybe putting it into words might help with either clarity or venting. Thank you if you got to end of this.

[Sophie_M]

Hi Noskillz,

We are so sorry to hear about what you're going through; it sounds like it has been a tough time. Thank you for being part of our forums, it takes a lot of courage and strength to reach out for support and we are so glad that you have done so. We hope that you can get some support here, the community will be here to listen and chat with you. You can also reach out to Beyond Blue 1300 22 4636 or Lifeline 13 11 14.  If you feel unable to keep yourself say please call 000 (triple zero).

[romantic_thi3f]

Hi Noskillz,

Welcome to the forums and thank you for your post. I'm sorry to hear how much you are struggling right now and I'm really glad that you reached out to us.

Did it help to put things into words and have some clarity or to vent?

From what I'm reading, it honestly sounds like you are a bit stuck right now - with wanting to move but border closures and lockdowns basically making that impossible. It sounds hard when you have all these barriers in the way to getting what you want.

If there's anything you can take away from my post, I want you to know that you're not stupid and don't need to toughen up! This is real pain and completely valid, and it's unfair and terrible timing that things aren't working out the way that you need them to be.

I hope that it helped to write things out; let us know how we can be here for you and support you.

rt

[jtjt_4862]

Heya Noskills,

Warm welcome to the forum my friend. Glad to have you here with us. Sorry to hear about how you're feeling at the moment. It sounds like a lot is happening on your end, and life is being hard on you. Throwing in the nuisance that the Covid pandemic has caused, I feel a lot of people are feeling the mental stress that it has brought into society.

I hope you don't mind me asking a few questions, just looking to get a better understanding of your situation. Rest assure that the forum is filled with very friendly and supportive people, and we'll do our best to support you without any judgement at all. There's no need to answer all of them if you don't feel like it as well.

1. Can you describe to me, what is it that's making you feel like you're being stupid, and that you need to toughen up and move on?
2. When you mention discussing "problems" with your family, is it just your thoughts about moving from Qld to Melb? Or other things as well?
3. What made you feel that you're not getting respect from management or colleagues?

It's amazing how you're able to do two jobs, and even though sometimes you feel like you're back in square one, you're still able to persist and go strong with what you're doing at the moment. Sometimes the challenges are too tough for us for the time being, and no matter how hard we try, our efforts feel like it's yielding little to no result. But there's no shame in accepting a temporary defeat; We accept the temporary defeat so that we may recuperate for now, and come back again tomorrow to do better.

Hope to hear from you soon Noskillz, you're not alone, and we'll always be here to listen to you.

Jt

[therising]

Hi Noskillz

You're definitely not being stupid, not even in the slightest. From what you write, you're obviously naturally intelligent and perfectly sensitive. A mix of natural intelligence and great sensitivity can, at times, make things a little like hell on earth.

I imagine your natural intelligence leads you to wonder a lot. For example, I wonder why openly sexist people have no filter. I wonder why my boss doesn't respect me more when I'm actually working to make him money. I wonder why my family can't feel more for me, based on the obvious challenges I face. I wonder why they can't show more compassion and guidance, under the circumstances. I wonder why people can't fully understand my need to move. I wonder why they're not making things easier for me. Based on all your wondering, would you say you're possibly the most naturally intelligent person you know, out of everyone? Be honest. Don't be shy. Let me say it for you, YOU'RE BRILLIANT. There's a light or consciousness about you that sets you apart from the people around you.

It's a horrible feeling, when you're trying to rise above everything and you can feel people bringing you down, in a variety of ways. People may not do this intentionally but that doesn't stop you from feeling unintentional potentially depressing comments. It's like you could be saving heaps and something wipes out a lot of your savings, leading someone to say 'That's life. These things happen. You better get used to it'. Thanks dude, that's really raised my spirits (not)! On the other hand, someone who's great at budgeting may say 'You're dong a brilliant job with your savings. Do you want me to show you how you could expand on that and manage your money in ways you've never imagined?' I know which person I'd prefer to be getting guidance from, the person who inspires me, not the person whose comments I have trouble tolerating.

Going to sound a little strange but the down side of being sensitive is...people trigger you and the up side of being sensitive is...people trigger you. I've found the challenge comes down to identifying what they're trigger me to do. Wondering if you can relate: Some people will trigger us to question their level of sanity. For example, if someone says, 'You just need to get on with life', I believe it's reasonable to question 'What kind of insane plan is that, when there's no solid form of guidance attached to it?'

Can you sense what certain people in your life are triggering you to question?

🙂

[Noskillz]

Thank you for all for well thought out advice and wisdom. I genuinely appreciate it. Your words all mean alot to me.

Since I posted last, I have been a mess of emotions. I feel like I lost control for couple of days there and let my emotions run wild. I am sure I upset some people throughout those days that made me feel like they weren't doing enough to help me achieve or do what I needed. I have been trying to find my better self again. I can't find the words though at the moment to let the people close to me understand. I don't feel strong enough yet to tell them and certainly don"t want to burden them with my troubles as I understand that they have their own problems.

To answer some of the question we're asked. Yes I am a sensitive person. Not easily offended, but I feel defenceless due to my lack of confidence. Attacks from people in my workplaces has slowly eroded my levels of confidence despite being good at job and possessing a large amount of knowledge that gets overlooked.

When I stated that I felt stupid, it because that is the way manement has gaslighted me to feel, destroying my confidence. I also felt that way because I couldn't control my emotions and I thought maybe I was wasting people's time maybe over dramatic.

The communication problems with my family aren't just about the move, although that is a big one. My wife suffers depression issues herself and doesn't always like to discuss things that are causing her stress. There's a lot going on with her siblings, that she is helping them with. The problem by the time she comes to spend to spend time with me, she is exhausted from their problems and can't cope with dealing ours.

The reason I feel disrespected by the management in my workplace is because despite the fact that I have been with the company for 9 years, they have told me on numerous occasions that it means nothing. They talk to me like I don't know anything but expect to also train other people. They promote everyone around me, even though I am over qualified for the positio in within the store. The last promotion that I applied for, was given to someone who worked in the store for less than a year. I was given no interview and reasons that had no fact. You could still I was being because of my gender. I work in a store with over 40 women and I stand out being the only guy. So every action I do is noticed and criticised.

Thank you all .Sorry for the long length. I do feel this group is helping me to work through my issues.

[therising]

It's one thing to have a heightened ability to sense, it's a whole other thing to be sensitive and feel stuck in a job that triggers you. It's unfair how there's so much focus on discrimination against women in the workplace but not a lot of support for men dealing with discrimination.

Wondering if you can relate: There are periods of time where I can be perfectly analytical about various things in life. You know, those moments in time where you can make perfect sense of everything, partly through a degree of healthy emotional detachment. Then, suddenly, your perfectly clear new found revelations start to trigger you on a whole new level. It's a little like here we go again, I can feel them coming on - intolerance, agitation, resentment, disappointment and so on. It can be a bit like observing sage and sufferer together on a see-saw.

I know it's easier said than done but try not to beat yourself up too much when it comes to occasionally venting at people. Do you find that what you say to people at times is largely true, it's just a matter of 'Gee, I now wish I'd put a filter on that, so it came out differently'? I believe sometimes people need a bit of a psychological slap as a wake up call. I know, sounds a little arrogant but when you've tried so hard to be careful (full of care) in the way you've said things to people, sometimes it's not 'careful' that gets the job done, when you really need people to be more conscious, especially when you're struggling.

Your wife sounds like a sensitive person too. If she's a bit of an empath, I imagine she feels everyone's struggle, which can become exhausting. On one level, trying to work out the best solutions for people can be mentally exhausting. On another level, she'll feel the exhaustion of others.

While having sensitive people living together can make for challenges, there are also benefits. One benefit is you can come to your senses together, as you go along, consulting each other - 'What am I sensing in that person who's triggering me?' or 'What's leading me to sense discontent in myself?' My 18yo daughter's a champion when it comes to sensing the need for emotional detachment at times. She's conditioned me out of being a constant people pleaser. Learning this from her has helped me boost my self-esteem. My 16yo son, who's a sage, has also taught me much. Sensitive people are typically intuitive people. I've found fighting against intuition is where a lot of the problems can start to come into play.

🙂