Perinatal depression

[Blaze290]

potential triggers

I usually struggle with major depressive symptoms and am usually on anti depressants. I only just taking them again a few weeks ago and a few days ago found out I was 6 weeks pregnant.

This entire time I've been terrified from the moment I found out.

I go through periods of looking up things to try to learn what to do and then massive periods of sheer panic at everything you need to do and know when you become a parent.

I'm generally not a confident person and I never have been so the idea of having to change/feed/bath and even hold a newborn just makes me want to burst into tears all over again.

I have a wonderful supportive husband who definitely wants this baby (and has already arranged a GP to go talk) but I don't feel anything but terror especially at the thought of being on my own when he has to go back to work post baby arriving and sometimes hope I have a miscarriage so I don't have to feel this fear.

Ive always not been a confident person and always avoid things because I don't want to be hurt or fail but I don't know if it's something else.

I feel like if I didn't want this child I wouldn't be entertaining even trying to learn but I dont feel anything beside the crippling terror.

Am I alone in feeling this way?

[Ggrand]

Hello Dear Blaze290,

A very warm and caring welcome to our wonderful forums..

Like you the first new born I ever held was my first son..and I was terrified that I would break him or do something wrong...

I read so many books about how to care for my new son, before he was born, those books can be a good guide to help you along....

I can tell you with complete honesty, that once you hold your new born in your arms for the very first time, the love you feel for them is the greatest purest love you will ever feel...and our protective instincts take over us...and it’s like we just know what to do..it’s inbuilt into us, from generations ago....

The hospital staff, will teach you how to change baby, how to bathe baby, and anything else your unsure off..if you ask them they will be only to pleased to help you...

When my son was born, their were only the cloth nappies, and one size for new born to potting training age..well my attempt were so funny..no sooner would I put a clean one on him..he would find the big gaps of me being to scared to put it on tight and my nappy caught nothing much at all, 😂with time and patience I learnt how to do it properly...The new nappies are all sizes now and easy to use..I think you are going to be a beautiful and loving mummy..

Please beautiful Blaze..It’s okay to talk to your add about your fears...and how your feeling/thinking....I hope your Dr can put your mind at ease and you can enjoy your beautiful pregnancy, feeling for the first time your hubby move inside you is something that you will hold in your thoughts forever...

Talk here anytime you feel up to it...We are here for you..

Sending you my kindest thoughts with care....

Grandy..

[Blaze290]

Thanks for your kind response.

Im just so terrified because my depression and agoraphobia is so bad I can barely take care of myself as it is let alone the thought of being responsible for another human and my husband will be at work most of the time so I don't know if I can do it

[Summerinvincible]

Hi Blaze290

It’s great that you have a supportive loving husband.

Do you have any other support people in your life - close friends or relatives? Or your husband’s parents? Having unexpectedly been through post natal depression myself many years ago, it would have helped me if I had had a support system in place.

if I were you I’d also look into getting a doula to help with the birth and possibly afterwards also. Husbands are great but you really need someone to advocate for you when you are vulnerable, especially if you’re already feeling nervous.

I don’t want to overwhelm you with too much information but those are just a couple of practical things I thought of.

summerinvincible

[Summerinvincible]

This organisation may help also

https://www.panda.org.au/

[Petal22]

Hi Blaze290,

Wellcome to our forums!

Sorry you are feeling the way……

I understand before having a baby things can seem daunting but if things are feeling very intense for you at the moment I highly recommend you see your gp which I read you already have an appointment for welldone ! Try to make your appointment for a double appointment so you can do a mental health plan with your gp this will enable you to see a psychologist who can give you many strategies to help you to deal with things……..

When I had my babies I had severe anxiety OCD mainly after their birth that lasted some time before I received help from health professionals……… ( I’ve now recovered) yes it was a difficult time for me to be dealing with a new born aswell as having OCD…….. but do you know what I got through it and so can you……….. I was lucky to have supportive people around me and professional help……. If you have support from people who know what you are going through you will be ok….. I know it’s scary but you can confront those fears and come out the other side ……..

Talk to your gp and really tell them how you are feeling I think seeing a psychologist or clinical psychologist will help you….

im here to chat