No- one Cares

Guest_3712 · ‎21-01-2014

I have not received any replies to my posts. I know a lot of my issues are self inflicted but this is the only way I deal with my pain

both physical, and mental.

I need some help

Stressless

Katy100 · ‎21-01-2014

Ok, I'm here ... I'm new so I don't tend to respond to much ... and I try to answer where I think I can provide some relevant information ...

How can I help?

Guest_3712 · ‎21-01-2014

Hi Katy,

thanks for your response. I feel totally alone is this hell. Short story of a complicated history - accident, lost job, addicted to opiates, depression, nervous breakdown, 5 admissions to psych hospital, ECT treatment.- still suffering depression .

Use my meds to cope which I take when ever I am feeling bad so I can just zone out and don't need to deal with anything. I am ashamed. I hate relying on meds but I can't stop

Stressless

Katy100 · ‎21-01-2014

Hi again, Stressless.

I just went back to re-read your earlier post. I wanted to say something before, but couldn't really think of what to say ... sorry.

What do your medical professionals say about how you use meds? I think you said that they were reluctant to lower the dosage? Especially on one type of drugs?

What would you do if they did lower the dose, or take you off the meds?

Guest_3712 · ‎21-01-2014

Hi Katy,

I need to stay on my AD which aren't a problem at the moment. The other med is for anxiety, and can be taken as an instant calm down or as regular stay in your system type of dose. I choose to take mine all at once so I get really relaxed.

Doc gave me a taper off plan but I haven't started yet. My dependence is high. I have been on medications for over 8 years and only just got off opiates.

I don't know what I would do if I didn't have these to fall back on

Stressless

Katy100 · ‎21-01-2014

Would it help if you had a more in-depth talk with your Doc? On the one hand, he/she seems to be relaxed about your dosage, and the way you take the med; on the other hand he/she might not be understanding that you want to get off them; on the third hand ... in a way you don't really want to get off them.

Maybe it's time for an attitude change? At the moment, the meds are helping you. Could you cut back the worries about taking them and say to yourself something like "I will take these for the next month, as they do help me cope and at the end of the month I will re-evaluate the situation"?

Guest_3712 · ‎21-01-2014

I think it is because I have so much shame attached to abusing my meds.

My husband doesn't get it and he was so angry when I had to be admitted to hospital because I chose to be an idiot. It has been a long road and I should be over it but I continue to deceive and hide my habit.

I used to be a strong independent lady, but I am no longer confident in myself. years of pain, drugs, and treatments have worn me down. My psych says I have nothing to be ashamed of but I almost destroyed my family and I can't forget that.

Stressless

Katy100 · ‎21-01-2014

Ok, so the main issues are the fear of taking too many drugs, and of feeling ashamed, and of hurting your family?

Is it time to start forgiving yourself a little?

You kicked the opiates ... BIG HURRAH for Stressless here.

Your family is still together ... another BIG HURRAH.

And, now you're in a place where you want to cut back on the anxiety drugs. Yet another BIG HURRAH.

Guest_3712 · ‎21-01-2014

Hi Katy,

YES YES AND YES !

BUT......... one of my issues is my need to be perfect. I must always be the good child. For me to have failed so badly these victories you've pointed out don't mean anything to me as I shouldn't have gotten into this position in the first place.

I was weak, and a failure . Instead of using my experiences to grow I just gave up and relied on the meds to get by. Sure I have flashes when I focus and try and get on top but it never lasts and then the fall down is further and harder. Climbing up is becoming more of an effort and I don't know if it is worth it.

Yes some how my family although strained at times is still together and that is really the only thing I get up for each day

Stressless

Katy100 · ‎22-01-2014

Hi Stressless,

I'm talking to you like I talk to myself. I spend a lot of time looking at my little victories ... not as much as I take to look at my failures ... but I find that looking at the things I've achieved does make me feel more positive.

Now, why do you need/want to be "perfect". I think perfection is an illusion ... if a person (even a close friend of hers) looked at my mother, they would think that she was a wonderful person. She worked, stayed married, had three kids with good grades, went to church, kept the house immaculately clean and indulged in good works.

Then she came home and abused me.

So, I've tried to do the opposite.

Maybe I sound like a Pollyanna ... sorry if that's the case ... in a way I'm kinda scared to let rip with my own story ... because being positive does help me.