Dear JS22~
Welcome here to the Forum, a place where there are many with all sorts of experiences. I have the feeling your story will sound familiar - it does to me, particularly as you talk about people, not just one person.
I was invalided out of my occupation with PTSD, depression and anxiety. Before that happened for a fair while I was divorced and remote from myself and my feelings. I had a loving family and my circumstances were good, however there was nothing inside me, and like you, I thought my loved ones would be better off without me. I too masked my feelings and tried to do the socially expected things, but inside I did not feel love, and was not sure I was even capable of it.
As things turned out I was diagnosed and found that for me all these thoughts were made by my depression. Once I was on the path to recovery my ability to love and appreciate grew again and I was able to have perspective as well, seeing how off-target I had been.
I'm not a doctor, and cannot say what, if anything, is wrong. As you do not mention being under any form of treatment I can strongly suggest you see your GP in a long appointment and set things out, how you feel, what is happening - and has happened - in your life. If necessary write it all down first and share the paper.
Ask to be tested for depression and anxiety, then see what happens. If your GP thinks it appropriate you may be given a Health Plan, meds, visits to a psychologist and therapy.
In my own case improvement did not happen straight away, but I had various problems, including leaving things for a very long time and trying to soldier on alone. I'm now in a different world, giving and receiving love, and having a pretty good life.
I'd also suggest having a look at The Facts menu above for information about anxiety and depression and also browsing around this Forum to see others who have been in the same situation.
Having someone that cares about you is a very great thing, I too was blessed in that way
I hope you post again and say how you are going
Croix
