BPD (Boarderline Personality Disorder}

[Xara]

So I got diagnoses with BPD looking back at myself and who I am I see it I just don't know how to handle it. I completely disassociate myself and generally reflect a lot of anger. I don't know how to help myself. I am doing all my psychiatrist asked me to. And onto of that I have relationship problems that I don't know how to handle and so I just shut off and push everyone away or yell at them for pushing me. Need some help figuring this out because no-one is really helping me understand.

[Guest_322]

Hi Xara,

I don't think that I've seen you around on the forums before. Here's a warm welcome if you're fairly new 😊

I don't have BPD so I have to admit that my understanding is extremely limited. Your disassociation and anger seem very intense. The anger must be very overwhelming and distressing for you.

I think that relationships can be tricky enough as it is so I imagine that BPD just compounds everything. I vaguely remember reading someone describing relationships as a case of "I hate you, don't leave me" for those living with BPD. Push-pull effect maybe.

Either way, your emotions and relationship struggles sound very difficult to manage so I can see why you're not sure how to get on top of it all.

But kudos to you for getting help with your psychiatrist btw. I know that it probably sounds so cliched but there is a certain strength in seeking help. I honestly believe that.

As for finding others here who have a firsthand understanding of BPD, I know that some members here have BPD. There's also a thread called "BPD" in the Long term support over the journey forum that might be worth checking out.

Hope this helps a little.

Dottie x

[romantic_thi3f]

Hi Xara,

Thanks for your post.

It sounds like you're having a rough time at the moment so I appreciate you writing in. BPD is a complex illness but I'm glad that you got a diagnosis so that you know what you are dealing with.

Having a diagnosis can sometimes help because it can help you see that you're not alone in this and also that the way you're feeling is perfectly normal with BPD. Did your psychiatrist explain the diagnosis and what it meant?

Often (but not always), people with BPD have a history of trauma. Our minds do funny things to help us cope with what's happened that includes dissociating and pushing people away. When our brains dissociate, it's because it feels like we cannot cope with what's happening. When we push people away, it can often be because we're scared of being pushed away ourselves or being abandoned. When we get angry, it can often be because we want to get some control of the situation. Everything that's happening is our own funny way of coping. Of course having said all that I don't know you or your situation, so I'm just speaking generally.

The fact that you're seeing a psychiatrist though is a great step forward. I know from my own experience it can often feel like nothings happening or I'm not getting anywhere, but in reality I'm either moving slowly or not aware of the progress I've made.

I hope this helps a little. The other thing that may be useful is this site - http://www.bpdaustralia.com/

[yetanotheramy]

I highly recommend a DBT program. There are public and private run ones and it is the most effective treatment for BPD because it deals with skills and would be worth asking your Dr about. I was diagnosed with BPD over 10 years ago and it is such a weird diagnosis as the symptoms are so varied. DBT has helped me learn how to communicate in relationships and not take anger out on myself. You aren't alone x

[Tabi]

Thank you for your comments above. Do you know where I can get DBT? I don't have private health insurance. I live in Victoria and am currently connected to a mental health service in the country. This means I see a psychiatrist once every 4 months (whom won't prescribe me beta blockers which have worked before).And I see a psychologist once a fortnight for CBT but this isn't working for me. I was diagnosed 17 years ago and although I have tried very hard and put in a huge amount of effort I still suffer severe anxiety, depression and BPD symptoms. I am currently not working and have't for many years. My days consist of watching tv for 6 hours, over eating, not showering, having no contact with the outside world except for seeing the psychologist once a fortnight, she visits me at home, I get shopping delivered so the only time I go outside is once a week to buy a coffee at the local milk bar down the road. I am desperate because I don't want this to be my life, maybe DBT will work? If anyone has any advice it would be much appreciated. Isolated and desperate.

[james1]

Hi Tabi,

I am not sure where you can access DBT but usually doctors including your GP and psychologist will be able to help you out.

Have you spoken to your psychologist about DBT?

I have BPD as well and in my experience, we can also do little things to help us along and make sure we don't isolate ourselves too much. It can be terrifying having to build those interpersonal relationships again, even just small friendships, but we deserve friends and care just as much as anyone else.

One of the things I found helped me last year when I was at my worst, was simply going for a walk in the middle of the day then sitting on a bench. I didn't need to talk to anyone, but just being outside in the sun around other people was very helpful in making me feel just a little bit more connected to society.

Do you think you'd be able to manage this maybe on the weekend, at a separate time to your coffee?

James