Newbie

[LisaT]

Hi...I'm reaching out in the hope of finding some online support. I'm a 47 yr old sole parent of 2 daughters aged 16 & 21. Last year I had a manic episode and was hospitalised for 3 weeks. The low that followed left me feeling suicidal...these thoughts now seem to be subsiding. I'm on medication . I have tried others but but had to go off it due to it effecting my kidneys. Would like to make some online friends for mutual support...

[LisaT]

Hi Neil,

thankyou for sharing that. The stress levels are just starting to stabilise to be honest. As a parent I guess I've faced every parents worst nightmare. I'm just soooo thankful that she hasn't gone near drugs. At the moment some much needed calm has hopefully entered my life so that I can focus on my own recovery. My daughter went to see her psych yesterday and he doesn't want to see her for 4 weeks which is a good thing. I've tried to find a support group but haven't been able to either for me or as a parent of a teen which is why I've joined this forum.

Hope you've had a good week.

Lisa

[Neil_1]

Hi Lisa

I think one thing that we should fall back on when we are doing it tough are our children (oh and that’s not literally, cause you know, we have children of all ages and sizes and if we were to literally fall back on one of them, then that might not be so good and yeah …)

What I was meaning with my opener there was:   bringing a child into this world, caring for, nurturing, loving, raising, teaching and the list goes on and on is a massive thing, absolutely huge.  We have created a person and as such, a hell of a lot of who they are and how they are is derived from you – well, not you, but the us, well not us, cause we’ve never met … but, ahhhhhh, I hope you get my drift before the hole I’ve dug gets any deeper.  You know what I mean, yeah?   Oh good.  🙂

So when we see our children as largely being happy, healthy and “good kids”, we should feel damn proud about that.  That is a HUGE achievement.

You know all of the above came to my mind from the simple sentence where you wrote:  “I’m just soooo thankful that she hasn’t gone near drugs”.  My belief is she hasn’t done that because of how you’ve raised her and instilled into her a set of very good and wise principles.  So that’s where my above ramblings emerged from.  And with that, my son mentioned to me, oh about 6 months ago that he is never going to drink alcohol.  He’s almost 17yo.   I’m proud of him for saying that and for as long as it lasts, I will be encouraging it all the way.

Lisa, your latest post has actually sparked something up within me again, as I’ve already had one lightbulb above and now, wow two!  It’s all too much for me – I think after this I’d better have a nice cup of tea and a lie down.  🙂

Lightbulb No. 2 is perhaps within our own Beyond Blue community – perhaps to strike up an area called something like:  Parents Dealing with their children OR Parents dealing with their teenage children?  So dedicate it to these kinds of issues – as there will have been so many people on B.B. who’ve been through all the trials and tribulations of raising children, while there’s those of us who are in the middle of it and there’ll be others just entering and so on and so forth.

Hmmm, food for thought.

Love to hear back from you at some stage

Neil

[White_Rose]

Hello Lisa

Welcome to the beyond Blue community. I see Neil has been making his usual terrible jokes, but we love him anyway.

You have been through a dreadful time and I am pleased you are emerging at the other end. It's not a nice experience at all.

Carers Australia is a not-for-profit organisation dedicated to improving the lives of carers through important services like carer counselling, advice, advocacy, education and training.

Mental Health Carers Arafmi Australia (MHCAA) provide specialist mental health support to families, carers and their friends. Support includes: linking people to other carers who can offer face-to-face peer support, education services with other carers, and advocacy services which help carers to identify and find solutions to their challenges.

Carer Advisory and Counselling Service provide family carer support and counselling. Contact your state or territory branch of Carers Association on 1800 242 636 (free call from landlines).

These organisations may be able to give you support and information. BB has some information For Family and Friends which may also be useful. Look under Resources at the top of the page. I hope one or more of these organisations can help you.

I agree with Neil that how you raise your children really gives them principles for life. I have four children, all grown up with their own littlies. Despite all of them having the same upbringing, well at least similar, they are all different. I see their father's traits are more prominent in one and mine in another etc. (Of course mine are best). But they do all share a common set of principles.

Mental illness has little to do with upbringing generally. I am excluding childhood abuse for obvious reasons. Even when children appear to be happy, confident and well-balanced they can still become depressed. And it is heartbreaking. I have not had yours or Neil's experience and I can only imagine your distress. Understanding my own experiences does help to understand others a little.

Are there any particular topics or aspects that you would like to talk about? I would enjoy (is that the right word) a good chat.

Cheers

Mary

[LisaT]

Dear Mary and Neil,

thankyou for the laughs Neil...you actually made me smile...which is nice. I find myself saying that to myself these days...oh, your smiling or oh, you're laughing...when previous to all this I wouldn't give it a passing thought. As a sole parent I've tried to give my girls good values and morals. My 21 yr old is well adjusted and resilient which I am thankful for. It's my 16 yr old that worries me. She has been unofficially diagnosed by her psych with borderline personality disorder. Apparently they don't like to diagnose them under the age of 18. At the moment she seems stable...she is coping with school, relationships, etc. she's on AD meds which she has learnt to take daily. I just can't seem to relax since she tried to OD. It's been 5 months since and I'm still terrified that things might go wrong and she'll try again. How do you move on from this? I think a forum for parents is an excellent idea....not long after I tried to find a support group for parents of teen suicide survivors. I rang SANE Australia and the like and nobody could direct me to one. I was so traumatised by the experience and would have found talking to other parents who had been through the same thing a God send.

i honestly thought I was going to end up back in the psych hospital I don't know how I kept it together but I did, even though it threw my recovery for a six. 

I seem to be living in trepidation....worried about something that might never happen again. She's a great kid who just happens to have a personality disorder.

shes very bright, respectful and an all round nice kid but some kind of support would be most appreciated....I feel like I'm flying solo

thanks for listening

Lisa : )

question...how is my depression supposed to lift when my situation stays the same? 

[Neil_1]

Dear Lisa

Moving on from what happened is a difficult thing, but if you can concentrate on what is happening now, I believe it’ll be a useful thing.  In that, as you’ve said, she’s got some good things happening at the moment;  she seems stable, she is coping with school (and that is a biggie) and her relationships as well.  All very good things and as each day, week go by, they then turn into another month and it’s been 5 months now, so here’s looking forward to her chalking up month after month of stable and improving habits.

Depression – lifting – situation remains the same.  This is the space where I mention your own supports and help mechanisms and what have you got set up?  You say you worry about things that may never happen and I think we who battle these mental illnesses can be very susceptible to such thoughts, which in my humble opinion, really suck!

Sorry, this has been a crappy kind of response, but just wanted to say that I’m still here AND you mention that you feel like you’re flying solo – please remember there’s this place to come to and unload, vent and chat, or even ask questions.

Kind regards

Neil

Ps:  Lisa, I saw that you have replied to another poster and I say, “Awesome” and “Good on you” for doing this.   And you’re living with your issues and troubles, so yes, you should feel very worthy and able to reply to another’s post – everyone has their own perceptions, experiences and knowledge and it’s always great to read other people’s suggestions and contributions.  I hope you felt ok doing that and I hope to see you post to other people more.

[LisaT]

Thanks Neil,

My support network is quite small ( Mum, Dad, 2 girlfriends, my psych) which is why I joined this site....I'm gathering that other members can be a little shy as I haven't really chatted to too many people. It would be nice if the site had a chat room so that others like myself could engage in mutual support....that's my whinge over with...lol

On a different note today was a good day. My boss offered me an opportunity to lead a program ( I'm a high school teacher) I politely declined as I know that I am not ready to take on extra tasks. It is too soon after my breakdown to be adding extra responsibilities to my work load. I was proud of myself for saying no to the boss. She was good about it and more or less said ok, whenever your ready.

Another good thing about today is that I actually felt like having a shower. This might not seem a big deal to some but for me it's a huge thing. Maybe just maybe I am making progress. It's funny how the littlest things can mean so much when you are suffering from depression. I'm not sure if I feel like ive lost my personality due to being sick or because of the meds I'm on...has anybody else felt this? There are times when I just long to be the old me...the only problem is I'm not sure if im longing for the manic me or not...if that makes sense.

thankyou for listening : )

[Neil_1]

Hey Lisa

Awesome to hear back from you and I’m really glad that you’ve joined the site.

Yes, there is no ‘chat room’ facility here (simply because of the type of site this is, where something like that couldn’t be monitored and as such, you wouldn’t want anything untoward happen, even if unintentional – I hope I explained that kinda correct or at least made sense).  BUT with regard to others coming to your post, sometimes people will and other times it’ll just be one or two people who post back to someone. You can never really tell.   But my thought to you would be to do what you’ve already begun doing, and that would be to chip in to other people’s posts with some responses;  as you’ve found here, you can oftentimes strike up a bit of a chat thing happening.

That IS awesome of you for taking that stand and saying how you felt about the program and damn right you should feel proud of yourself for doing so.

Don’t ever knock any achievement that you make – getting out of bed is a huge one and with how we mostly feel, should be recognised, but then to take that next step of having a shower – that IS an achievement and should be recognised and I’m glad you have told us, because that is heaps awesome.

Some meds can have that effect on you, by lowering your mood a little or lowering something so you feel a bit more relaxed and really if it’s in the majority of the time helping you with how you feel, then that’s gotta be a good thing, yeah?

Your final question did make sense, but what I’m thinking (well for me) is that I’m going to be whoever I’m going to be, once out of all this, IF I ever get out of all this.  I don’t know if I’ll ever be back to my old self, but then who was that, and do I want that?  Questions I’m not really too concerned about at this particular moment in time.

Cheers

Neil

[LisaT]

Thankyou for responding to me Neil I appreciate it...I'm pretty good at getting out of bed in the morning. I struggle more with motivation...previous to getting sick I use to love teaching know I feel like I'm just going through the motions. I took 8 months off last year due to being mentally ill...admittedly for most of that time I was in denial I can now see that I was manic and psychotic with depression thrown into the mix. I've been on an antipsychotic since May/June of last year so in that respect I'm stable. My psych increased my AD dose in December and this seems to be working. He also tried a mood stabiliser but my kidneys couldn't handle it so I was only on that for a week. I don't know if the doc will try something else I'll have to wait till my April appointment to see if he prescribes another mood stabiliser.

I find that when I'm motivated I set myself small achievable goals if I can't motivate myself to do anything around the house I force myself to get off the lounge and go and visit someone. The worst time for me is when I'm alone with my thoughts which is another reason why I joined the site. I guess it's equivalent to a visit lol

My eldest daughter who is 21 still lives at home but she is busy with uni studies, an internship and work. She also has a boyfriend...so shes not home all that much. My 16 yr old was put into boarding school this year to give me a break. She comes home every Saturday and I see her at least once during the week. This arrangement seems to be working but I do feel a little guilty for getting sick.

thankyou for listening, Neil : )

[LisaT]

Hi Neil,

Thanks for responding : )

Im pretty good at getting out of bed and getting myself off to work. What I struggle with is motivation. I use to love teaching now I find myself just going through the motions. At home I try to set myself small achievable goals to keep the place tidy - sometimes this works. I also struggle with self care.

When the motivation is really low I get out of the house as being alone with my thoughts is not a good thing. I have a 21 yr old daughter but she is busy with uni, an internship and work so she's not home all that much. My 16 yr old is in boarding school. She comes home every Saturday and I see her at least once during the week. She went into boarding school this year to give me a break. I feel a little guilty for getting sick and having to do this but it was the only option.

I guess that's another reason why I joined the site as it makes me feel less alone with my thoughts. The darkest thoughts seem to be subsiding since my doc increased the AD meds in Dec. I'm also on an antipsychotic which seems to have worked also. My doc also prescribed lithium but it didn't agree with my kidneys. I'm not sure if he is going to prescribe another mood stabiliser or not.

At the moment I at least know I'm stable as Im not manic or psychotic. I need to learn to pick up on the warning signs a lot earlier to prevent myself from getting so sick. I was sectioned last year in May which wasn't a pleasant experience lol.

thanks for listening, Neil...it almost feels like a visit

[Neil_1]

Hi Lisa

Great to hear from you again.

Firstly, with regard to your 16yo in boarding school, can I ask how she likes it?   You also get to see her each weekend and at least once during the week – so my main point here is to say to you:    “Please don’t feel guilty”.   Guilty for getting sick?    That’s one thing you should never feel.   I mean, I beat myself up a hell of a lot internally, but have never felt the guilt for having my mental illness.  It is NOT your fault that this has attached itself to you and I will continue to write this to you, if I need too.  🙂

You’ve actually beaten me to it with one thing you said:   where you try to set yourself small achievable goals – that is something I write about a lot.  And yes, it does work – having a few of them, and even ticking off one is awesome.   So even with self-care, try breaking that down into much smaller items and again, having a number of them, then doesn’t become so daunting or that you simply couldn’t be bothered;   but rather, you can then say, ‘bugger it, YES I’ll go and do that now” and I’m talking about different self-care things, so I won’t list any but you should have an idea of what’s what with that process.  🙂

That is awesome to hear that you’ve found this site to be beneficial – as you can see by a number of people on here, it’s a very popular site and loads of people come by often and it seems that we’re getting a number of new posters who are coming back a bit more, which is fantastic.  Because everyone has their own story, their own experience, their own knowledge – and by that, when they read into other people’s posts, more often than not, they are able to provide responses that are different, but still so crucial and beneficial to the original poster.

I’m not sure what sectioning is, but I’m gathering it’s not a good thing, so I’ll leave that alone.

But wanted to just say that if you are able to pick up early warning signs, then that would be awesome – but again, on this don’t beat yourself up on that if you can’t, because sometimes it just sneaks up and it’s there – like the black dog quietly coming out of the kennel and barking hard and loud right on our heels. 

Sorry, I’ve rambled a lot with this response.

Neil