New to this and feeling lost

[Blurred_gold]

Hi everyone,

Hope all are ok. I have never posted on a forum before so this is a bit of a step.

I have recently realised that I am depressed. I feel very hopeless. Started a new job two months ago which involved me working all day on my own seeing vulnerable families in a health professional role. It is something that I have done for years and always enjoyed it. I have always worked in an office though and am a very social person. This new job finds me on the road all day or working from home, the only person I see all week work wise are the families I support. I have found this very difficult and have felt very unsupported in my role. Over the past month or so I have started to feel very lost, dreading going to work, teary, unconfident in my knowledge and skills, have negative thoughts and even started to pinch myself on my hand. The day I started to do that I realised something was very wrong and took myself to the Dr. He has referred me to a psychologist and also prescribed me antidepressants. I really don't want to take anything though and have not started on them as I am worried that once I start on something like this ( I have never taken antidepressants) I will never come off them! So I have made the decision to eat better and do more exercise and see how that goes. Today I woke up and just cannot face going to work. I have let my boss know but am so scared that I cannot do this job anymore. I cannot work out whether it is the job that has caused this, as I really don't like the job, or whether the job has merely been a catalyst to something underlying...I feel so helpless right now and scared that this is not going to go away. The added complication I have is I am on a sponsored visa and if I lose my job this puts me in a difficult position both financially and visa wise. This is not helping me to see the big picture. At the moment I feel like I can't see the woods from the trees and wonder whether i should start taking these meds or not. I feel like I have mucked up everything that I have worked hard for and have failed the people I support. This is so hard.

Any advice would be very gratefully received. I have a very loving boyfriend who is trying understand...it's so hard when i don't even understand! I am note sure whether to quit my job as it fills me with so much dread. I know I am not doing it justice and that kills me inside as I have always enjoyed what I do. Especially when the families are relying on me to deliver a good service. The reality is the job wont change though and I am not good at being on my own all day...especially at the moment. I just feel useless and that i will never be good at it. Thank you for taking the time to read this post. Any advice you can give me would be gratefully receiced. I hope that you are having a good day today 🙂 

[geoff]

dear Blurred, this is an unfortunate situation for you.

Travelling on the road all day means that you have plenty of time to think, and as you aren't well isn't good for you, and even if you play music that you love is only going to make you cry.

By having a sponsored visa must have been an excellent way to start your life, and this is something that you don't really want to lose, because if you do then it would be difficult to get another one.

I'm sure that the families you visit really appreciate what you do and would love you being there.

If you have an understanding boss they maybe able to reposition you into a different role.

Nobody needs to know except your boyfriend that you are taking antidepressants, as I will probably be taking this medication for the rest of my life, this doesn't worry me, because I also have to take anti epileptic medication as well, and that will be forever.

By taking this medication shouldn't be seen as a downer, because there are so many other people who also take it, and I have been taking them for about 23 years, and when I don't take them I fall into a black hole, but once I have one in 15 minutes I am OK again.

See how you go and please get back to us. L Geoff. x