Draining feeling of hopelessness

[lostllama]

Hello everybody, I am new here. I have suffered from depression for years, to varying degrees. Sometimes it is anxiety, other times it is just a draining feeling of hopelessness. I feel like that deep inside, I don't really believe anything good can ever come from life. I know that isn't logical, but it's a feeling. I have some great people in my life, but I often feel really alone and lonely. I don't feel like I know how to connect with other people. My emotions are always stormy and I feel like I feel things so much more than others do. Most of all, I feel like nobody really gets me. Does anybody else feel like this? 

Anyway, nice to meet you all.

[geoff]

dear Lostlama, good for you to join us.

It sounds as though your depression has been with you for far too long, and without any help what's so ever.

This has happened to many people who were or are still in denial, believing that because of something that has happened that they will overcome this feeling of being depressed, wrong, that's not right.

Everything you have said is what most of us felt, that it's all negative, this is not your fault, it's depression taking control over you, and boy how right you are when you say ' I feel like I feel things so much more than others do'.

You need to see your doctor straight away, who will refer you to a psychologist or psychiatrist for 10 free appointments.

I was in denial and waited far too long before I went to see a psychologist, and the longer you don't see your doctor the pain will still be there.

I am not saying that once you see them you will be cured, it may take time and it can be a long journey, but with a bit of luck there maybe a solution to your problems.

Please stay with us and keep posting. Geoff.

[Amelia]

Feeling like you feel more deeply than others and that nobody really gets you is something I completely relate to... I just wanted to say that I understand how that feels, because it makes me feel better to feel understood and I hope it makes you feel a little better too.

I agree with Geoff. Ask your doctor about seeing a psychologist. I have seen two psychologists in the last 12 months (I'm still seeing the second one) and they were both excellent. Talking with them helped to gain an "outside" perspective on my depressive/anxious thoughts, and to recognize where these unhelpful and often untrue thoughts were coming from, which helped to make them less overwhelming and take away some of the power they had over me. At times, there were things I felt too sensitive to talk about, but eventually I opened up about everything I was feeling and going through and that was the best decision I made, as it made it possible for us to focus on what was really the cause of how I was feeling/what I was thinking.

To summarize: psychologists can be really helpful, supportive and understanding. Be as honest as you can be with them - it is completely confidential and will be most beneficial to you. And if you don't feel like you "click" with the psychologist, ask your doctor if there is someone else you can try.

What do you feel are your main difficulties with connecting to others? Of those great people you talked about, is there someone you could ask to talk about how you are feeling? Not everyone is good at talking, but I have found that most people I have asked have wanted to listen. I agree it isn't easy - the thoughts in my head tell me that I will be a burden to them, that my problems don't matter, blah blah blah... (but that's just the depression talking!!)

So to convince myself to open up, I ask myself how I would feel if the situation was reversed... I would want the other person to talk to me if they were going through a hard time. So it makes sense that they would want to listen and help me, when I need it. And being open with others can help to build those connections.

I hope this is helpful.

[geoff]

dear Amelia, that's a good reply considering you're having a difficult time. Thanks. L Geoff. x

[Amelia]

Thanks Geoff, that means a lot. 🙂

[lostllama]

Thanks for your replies, Amelia and Geoff. Seeing a psychologist is something I intend to do one day. Just the whole organising of it can seem daunting at times! How does one even go about selecting one? I am used to being the "listener" in conversations so don't know how I'd go about talking about myself. Thanks for your thoughts 🙂

[Amelia]

Hi lostllama, when I went to my GP she suggested a particular psychologist to me - based on the fact that I'm young and female, she thought I would connect with a woman better. Your GP might know a bit about different psychologists in the area, and be able to recommend one that will best suit you.

I know what you mean about the organizing being 'daunting'. That's why it's usually best to break it up into little steps: pick up the phone, call your GP... and so on.

As for talking about yourself... perhaps try writing a couple of things down that you want to talk about. For example "I feel this" or "This is what I want to change". Remind yourself that everyone needs to be a listener and a talker at different times in your life; you may be used to helping others, but now it's your time to be helped. 🙂

[geoff]

dear Lostlama, unfortunately we don't know until we actually start talking to them, but you should give them a couple of appointments and then you will know whether you click with them.

If however you don't get on with them try and find someone else, but keep on seeing the existing psych only because there maybe times that you are desperate to talk to someone.

As my 20 year 'marriage' ended with my psychologist it was suggested that I see her replacement and I had 4 or 5 appointments but I didn't seem to click with her, so I stopped.

I tried to pick up again with previous 20 year psych. but she didn't get back to me.

I am now going to see a male psychologist, which I didn't want, but that won't start until he returns from holidays late september. Geoff.