New Mum - feeling overwhelmed, stressed and miserable

[clarydawn]

Hi,

I’m seeking some support and advice - I’m a first time mum with a 9 week old baby and have been feeling very overwhelmed, stressed and anxious lately. The sleep deprivation that comes with new parenthood has been a hard adjustment and I find myself feeling anxious every afternoon fearing how unsettled my baby will become that night. I’ve become frustrated and angry at my baby when I’ve been unable to settle her and most nights I lock myself in the toilet crying while my baby cries in the cot. My partner helps out when he can, but he works at 5am everyday so I usually combat the night time periods alone while he sleeps. He also has also just been diagnosed with depression, so I feel guilty for expecting more from him. In addition, we have just moved into a new house which has caused a lot of stress and pressure on the both of us and is taking a lot of adjustment. Most days I feel so tired and overwhelmed that I just sit in lonely silence in the new home holding my crying baby. I feel like I’m struggling to get through each day and don’t know what to do.

[Nurse_Jenn]

Hi clarydawn,

Welcome to the Beyond Blue forum. As a new mum myself with a now one year old it is a very close topic to my heart. It is great to see you reaching out on the forum as there are many others who experience the stress of being a new parent. It is a big adjustment and can be overwhelming. Be kind to yourself and my best advise is to reach out for help. Do you have a friend or family member who can help out?

Another option is to reach out at your local Child Health Clinic. Depending on where you live there is a free service for new mums and babies. The health professionals there will have advise and support for you and be able to recommend a support group such as a new parent group or mother’s group or they may advise your to visit a GP. Talk to them.

Visit your GP- they can also link you in with a perinatal service that supports people who are struggling. There are specific counsellors who work with new mums and bubs. Your GP can refer you to a service quickly. It would be great if your partner went along with you (if you both feel comfortable doing this) as sharing your journey will help to unite your support for each other.

There is a website called Raising Children that has a lot of tips and information about the challenges of becoming a new parent. Search ‘depression’and ‘anxiety’ for information.

https://raisingchildren.net.au

If you aren’t feeling up to seeing anyone, you can call PANDA (Perinatal Anxiety aNd Depression Australia) who have a support line and very informative website for new mums. The number is 1300 726 306 and is available M-F 9am-7:30pm AEST

https://www.panda.org.au/

Another parentling support service is Tressilian https://www.tresillian.org.au/contact-us

You can reach out to is the beyondblue support line on 1300 22 4636 and they are available 24/7

Being a new mum is really challenging. Some of the symptoms you are experiencing are common. I know I felt very isolated (my partner also working) until I started some parent classes and made friends with other first time mums. This really helped. I also visited the clinic weekly. The fact that you are taking some time out in the bathroom (even if your child is crying) is really important. It is also important to get some support.

The reason there are so many support lines is that adjusting to being a mum is hard. You are not alone. Call a support number or visit a clinic soon and let us know how you go on the forum.

Wishing you the best possible outcome,

Nurse Jenn

[TamVale]

Hey there, just know you're not alone. Ever. Being a mum is the hardest job in the world with the least discussion and support.

May I just say that you are doing an amazing job, nights are long but the years are short. The first few years will absolutely test you, but will be over in the blink of an eye. If you can remind yourself that your active responsive parenting overnight Will build a trusting and loving relationship with your baby beyond measure. Knowing that their needs are met, that you will always be there when they need and all of your sacrifices for your baby in these tough times will not go unrewarded.

My son's now 2, I'm battling ppd and he was a terrible sleeper. He woke every 45 mins overnight during leaps and 2 hours like clockwork his whole life. He now sleeps through the night and no sleep training or parent intervention was needed for this to happen. We bedshare which eased our struggles.

My suggestion would be to speak to cahfs, attend mums and bubs groups and seek help if needed via their services. You have got this!!!!

[Angelique03]

Hi clarydawn. I went through a similar time when I had my first child. My daughter is 3 now. When your baby has their daytime nap make sure you go and have a sleep too. Try and get outside with your baby every day. Even if it’s just a short walk outside to the park. It does get easier. Your baby will start sleeping better and will get up less at night as they get older. Hang in there. I know how hard it can be.

[therising]

Hi clarydawn

I wish I was there with you to 1) give you the most supportive reassuring hug and 2) to be able to say 'I'll wake you when the baby needs feeding and, once this is done, you go straight back to sleep whilst I settle the little one. This is something my mum did for me when I was having what felt like a breakdown after both my babies were born. My babies are 13 and 16 years old now. The sleep deprivation aspect is the reason why I only have 2 kids, seriously. Keep in mind that sleep deprivation is actually used as a form of torture in some parts of the world because it messes with the brain. In your world, it's understandable why your experience feels torturous.

I believe there's always a reason as to why a baby can't fall asleep. From environmental reasons (lighting, noise etc) through to reflux, it's tough to know what's causing issues when you're interacting with a non-verbal human being. For me and both my babies, I was unknowingly starving them. To cut a long and torturous story short, once I put them on formula they became entirely different creatures. It was like a miracle! Once you discover the reason/s behind the issue, the stress will lessen. For my sister, what worked involved taking her baby to a sleep clinic, where a sleep routine was established for her baby.

Support is definitely key when it comes to new and challenging experiences. Nurse Jenn mentions the idea of visiting your local Child Health Clinic. Personally, this is one of the things that changed my life, in a number of ways. Not only did the local health centre sister offer me amazing support, she also referred me to a place for further support. I'd suffered depression for many years and the post natal depression group therapy she recommended ended up freeing me from my 15 year battle. Very uncomfortable at first, sitting down with a group of strangers, but the facilitator had us all connected in no time. We could relate to each other as not only struggling mums but also as women who had all suffered from depression for many years. clarydawn, finding people to relate to in our struggles is so important. Relating gives us the opportunity to alter our perception for the better.

Remember, you are amazing: You have grown a life inside of you, you are forming a relationship with a non-verbal stranger (who you're getting to know) and you are reforming your identity on top of it all. Be kind to yourself as you navigate your reformation within this new stage of your life.