New Here - Struggling and Losing Hope

[RnrDad]

Hi Team,

I've heard plenty of awesome things about these forums, and I know how great BeyondBlue as an organisation is to help with Depression and Anxiety, so I decided to join and tell my story.

I've been battling some serious depression and anxiety for 2 years now, and I'm really at a low point. A few points to provide some context, I am a 32 year old male who is an Exercise Physiologist, as well as a Dad to a beautiful infant boy.

Not sure how or why the anxiety or depression started, but each day now is a constant battle. My job requires a lot of positive energy, as well as being a good dad and husband. Energy which, unfortunatley, I just don't have. Of course like everyone I had good and bad days, but the bad days are really bad.

As a Health Professional, embarrasing to say my health is probably the worst it's ever been. I am putting on weight/bodyfat due to the almost non stop flow of stress hormones that are absoloutley tearing my nervous system apart. My CNS is drained, depleted, and broken. I'm broken. Apart from the anxiety and depression, I also suffer from OCD, Misophonia (hatred of select sound), ADHD-PI.

I know each of these can be related to an overactive nervous system, and gut health, however I'm at a total loss of how I will fix this. I eat plenty of vegetables, keep refined sugars to an absoloute minimum, and limit alcohol. My one vice is caffeine, but working in the job I do, I feel it's the only way I can get through each day.

Part of me wants to live in a cave. Part of me wants to stop my job (which I've given up a good government job for and studied for 5 years to get) and focus on my own health while I work a job more suited to depression.

I want to get better, and for the sake of my family, will never lose hope. However, I'm completley at a loss as to how to direct my rehabilitation. I've been on AD's which unfortunatley did nothing for me, and feel the one way I can solve my issue is by fixing my poor, toxic inflamed gut and broken body. I should have the answers being an Exercise Professional, but I don't.

This is my cry for help.

[pipsy]

Hi RnrDad. You seem to be on a downward spiral, between fighting depression, weight, work, child etc. You have lost you in the battle. It's no surprise that you are experiencing health issues. Nurses frequently battle fatigue, depression etc. I would suggest you visit your Dr and perhaps ask for a referral to a dietician regarding your food intake, then ask for help with the depression. You mentioned you were prescribed AD's which did nothing, so you quit. AD's can cause side effects and monitoring by the prescribing Dr/psych will guide you as to adjusting/altering the doses. It can take up to about 3 weeks for the AD's to enter the system and during this time, adjusting can be difficult. The down side to taking AD's can mean slight weight gain, wanting to eat more etc. The up side, however means stable moods, better co-ordination in work. Trying to manage your depression alone means you are also fighting you and it's impossible to do that. Asking for help is the best thing anyone can do when it comes to depression as trying to 'battle' alone is where the depression becomes stronger. Depression is a strong emotion and help is required to conquer it.

Lynda

[Janey123]

Hi RnRDad,

Sorry you are in a not so great place. I can sure understand the desire to live in a cave at times. Visiting my psychologist regularly makes me feel better, because I'm actively doing something to make me healthier. Something I can pat myself on the back for. I agree with Pipsy, perhaps visit your doctor and start finding people to help you heal, even if it takes time, progress is progress.

I too have thought of leaving my job for something simpler, to focus on getting my head right, but have never had the courage to do so, and wondered if it might actually make things worse.. My job causes a lot of added stress to my anxiety and depression, but I am passionate about it, and I would hate for someone else to be doing it. If it is possible, maybe you can cut back one day to see if it gives you more time to rest, or work shorter days?

Good luck. I hope the forums help.

Janey

[RnrDad]

Hi Janey and Pipsy,

Thankyou very much for your kind replies. It is extremely difficult at the moment trying to juggle being a good dad, a good husband, have me time, put in long hours at work, and try and relax. Its a delicate balance and its tough to find the energy somedays. I appreciate your advice regarding AD's - I sincerley believe that for some people they work wonders, however I am still very averse to them. I have been on SNRI's to help with ADHD and they made me suicidal. I realise that there are other AD's out there however I feel going forward I would like to use good exercise and nutrition as a starting point. My mistake was I was trying to smash myself in the gym when in reality I need to take a step back and focus on more gentle forms of exercise, at least for the time being. Nutrition wise, I'm going to start eating a lot of anti inflammatory foods and see if that makes a difference.

In regards to the job, unfortunatley I can't do anything about it at this stage. I was very lucky to get this job but of course I have kept anxiety and depression from my employer, so they want me to work hard and really push myself especially since I am new, again not something I really have the energy for at this point, but we will take it one step at a time.

Again, many thanks for your replies, I'll keep you posted on how I'm travelling.