I'm falling again

[Hopefullseeking]

I want to vent but if anyone has any suggestions I will accept them too.

My depression has slipped again and I am having difficulty with it.

I was due to go to New Zealand in February to catch up with a childhood best friend, tickets payed for and sooo looking forward to it.

I was having a lot of trouble with one of my knees, more than normal, an MRI (have had arthritis since my 20s) later and NZ trip cancelled, (did get 75% of tickets refunded) now on waiting list for a knee replacement. I am in constant pain during the day and at night, so not sleeping. Due to medical condition I can't take pain killers or anti-inflammatory. I don't have a car anymore, it died, taking public transport but the extra walking I think is what has aggravated my knee.

Consequently my depression has gone down due to pain, and tiredness from not sleeping. When my depression goes down my food consumption goes up and that makes me more depressed.

Saw my psychologist Tuesday and she wants me to take something to help me sleep, I have always been against sleeping tablets. She also wants me to see a dietician.

I am sick of feeling down and having to fight with my depression, I still maintain all my outside activities which I know is vital. My friends don't really get it. I have one friend who tries her hardest but sometimes I just want a hug.

I feel teary and I am having to fight the feelings of wanting to give into to it. I am at my volunteer job using their computer to write this.

I just feel like shit.

[james1]

Hey hopefullseeking,

Sorry I don't really know what to say 😞 I just wanted to post to let you know someone's listening.

With your friends, maybe you can just have a think about what you want and let them know what that is, particularly your one friend who tries. I try that but I don't really know what I want sometimes, but it's nice to have someone to talk to.

Will the knee replacement help with the pain? And will your NZ friend be coming to Aus any time soon? Perhaps you could catch up here instead.

James

[Hopefullseeking]

Thanks James,

Hopefully yes with knee pain, my knees have worn away with age, weight and having arthritis plus I have several cartilage tears which are uncomfortable to say the least.

I have talked to my NZ friend and her and her husband are coming over next year to see me instead which will be really nice. Haven't seen her in over 40 years which is what made the trip for me even more special. We lost contact and have only found each other a few months ago.

I see both a psychiatrist and phycologist and really they are who I talk to as most people don't understand. I have a friend with depression who is really well but at times she forgets what it is like to be really down.

Thank you for your support.

[romantic_thi3f]

Hi Hopefullseeking,

Thank you for your post and I'm sorry that you're having such a hard time. It sounds like you are fighting hard with this depression but I'm glad that you have support from your psychologist to help you through this.

I just wanted to share with you the link to Chronic Pain Australia forums; while I love these forums they specialise in chronic pain and is a great go-to resource in finding people that really understand and helping to find strategies to cope. - http://www.chronicpainaustralia.org.au/index.php/forum-discussions-3

One thing that I am wondering too is about your own self-care strategies; what sorts of things have you tried? For me personally my health issues have shown me that there's so many things I can't control, but trying to remind myself of what I can do and finding little ways to incorporate a little more joy in my life can help.

[Ellu]

Dear Hopefullseeking,

I had knee replacement surgery on both my knees last year. Before then I was using a walking frame to get around and was in serious pain. After the surgeries I had to have rehabilitation, but now my knees are as good as new and I go to the gym twice a week (I am 63). I have had my battles with depression (bi-polar disorder) and the pain must be aggravating the way you feel. It is an awful situation to be in.I hope the surgery is due soon, then you can get back on your feet again quickly. In the meantime, why don't you try outsourcing some of your chores? The large supermarkets will deliver if you order on line. Ask your friends for help in getting around - you would do it for them, and what are friends for?

I am glad you have a psychologist to talk with about your depression. I am sure your knee situation is making it worse, and that you will feel a lot better once that knee gets fixed. I am sorry you are in such a bad state. If it helps at all I feel for you, and wish you a speedy recovery.

Ellu

[Hopefullseeking]

Hi Romantic,

Thanks for commenting.

I will definitely have a look at the pain forums and see what tips l can pick up.

I have lived with pain for a long time, just never this bad.

Strategies l rest when needed l do things in stages. I might put the washing out then rest a bit then do something else. I don't hibernate as that makes my depression worse. I volunteer and have an active social life. Keeping busy really helps.

I am trying to limit my walking so catch the bus more than the train as the bus willoften take me closer to my destination.

I know have a subsidied cleaner which makes a big difference.

Luckily l am pretty good at knowing my limitations. I have had to let go a bit which is hard.

Unfortunately it is going to be a long wait to see the orthopedic dr let alone the operation.

Thanks again.

[Hopefullseeking]

Hi Ellu,

I am 62 and have known l was up for surgery for some time. Unfortunately operating rooms and hospitals freak me out so probably waited to long.

Yes the pain is making my depression worse. I am trying to cope but battling.

It could be up to a year before l see an orthopedic Dr so dont know how long till surgery.

I am saving up to by a 50cc motor scooter. Here in Qld you can ride them on a drivers license, you don't need a motorcycle license. This will make a huge difference as l won't have to walk as much.

Thank you for your kind thoughts.

I am doing my best but struggling.

[romantic_thi3f]

Hi Hopefullseeking,

Thank you for posting again and replying.

I hope that you've had a chance to check out the Chronic Pain forums and that they've been helpful for you.

You mentioned that you've been having trouble with sleeping and I'm wondering if this is because of the pain that you're in? I understand your resistance to not go on (prescribed) sleeping tablets but there are also other options. I personally have used herbal supplements for sleep and found it very helpful. Adapting your sleep routine can also be useful in helping to wind down; or maybe there's certain things that can ease the pain such as knee braces or heat.

I'm wondering if you've considered or tried mindfulness techniques? It can be very helpful for not only depression but also chronic pain; I read a study the other day that said in research trials it's reduced pain by 57% - so if you haven't tried it I recommend giving it a go.

I'm also wondering if you've considered or been told about possible taxi vouchers or subsidies to help with your pain; as it sounds like walking certainly aggravates it. I know for SA (where I live) we have the Red Cross Transport service and taxi subsidy scheme; but I'm not sure what state you are in or if there is something similar that you could use.

[HelenR]

Hi Hopefulseeking,

You know? you're doing really well battling your depression. You're doing all the things psychologists say we should do. You're maintaining all your outside activities and, for the sound of it, you've got friends to talk about your problem (even if they don't get it). You're able to maintain relationships and keep them. You should be proud of yourself. It's understandable that the pain in your knees will affect your life, mood and depression levels. It's, after all, a life changing situation out of your control at the moment. But, it's what we do with the challenges life put in front of us and how we respond to them that makes all the difference. I so wish I had your ability to make and keep friends, to socialise. Interacting with other people is quite a skill! you know?

BTW, my GP diagnosed me with rehumatic lower back disks and the GP said the more weight I carry the worse it is. So, I asked the GP for one of those tablets that help you reduce the appetite and it worked! well, it worked the frirst time. But, you need to be careful because normally after reducing weight you can really put on a lot more weight. You need to use the tablets to help you change your food habits and when the tablets are stopped by the GP and you have a better weight, then your eating habits will help you keep the weight off.

[janojas]

Hi Hopefullseeking, my depression has also taken a turn for the worse recently, and I also have had variable eating habits. Bugger sleeping tablets, they either don't work, or the stronger ones are addictive. I have also seen both a psychiatrist and a psychologist, and to be honest both gave up on me, so maybe in my better times I must have some level of strength as I am still here! This is my first post, so I don't know how this works, but if you want to talk, I am here.