New here and struggling with depression relapse

[Ginnyh]

Hi there. I am a 41f with a husband and 2 kids. I first sufferered depression due to a stressful job in my late 20s but didn't use medication and got better once i changed jobs. I then suffered from depression after the birth of my second child and have been on meds ever since. I rarely have relapses and when I do then the dr generally tries a new medication which seems to sort me out. I have been on medication now for 2 years and have been very well but just a few weeks ago I started to feel bad again - everyday has got worse and today I find myself curled up on the sofa crying. I don't know what's caused this - I am in a new job which is stressing me and I'm struggling with my weight so I know both those things arnt helping. I hate feeling this way- each day I wake up hoping I will feel brighter but I don't. I have a dr app this afternoon so will talk to dr but I get so embarrassed as I know i will start crying and I hate crying in front of people . I'm also anxious as I don't want to change medication as I have heard that's it's really hard to come off this particular one I'm on.

Thanks for reading - just needed to share and I hate continually burdening my husband with it as he has issues too

[blondguy]

Hello Ginnyh

Welcome to the forums and good on you for posting too!

I understand where you are coming from, depression is an awful illness to have. This is my 20th year including taking the meds too.

Well done to you for having the courage to book in and see your GP. I used to get embarrassed too as we have been trying so hard and for so long it can be hard to really be 100% honest with our doc.

Even though crying front of anyone feels weird and uncomfortable, its one of the keys that unlock the door to recovery. I had to see a community mental health worker (psychiatric nurse) for counseling and he was a legend...He had me crying my eyes out....(venting all the anger and built up issues out of my system)...A couple of days after I had my mega cry It was the best I had felt in years..

You dont have to change medication as it appears the one you are on now works okay. Depression does have its ups and downs even with a med that works.

The meds are rarely a fix all. They provide us with a foundation on which we can use all the coping mechanisms to re-build our lives.

There are many very kind people on the forums that can be here for you Ginny, many of us have some inner turmoil to contend with. I hope you can let me know how your appointment went 🙂

my kindest thoughts

Paul

[Ginnyh]

Thank you Paul. My dr thinks that something possibly medical may be causing the increased depression symptoms- I had some blood tests today but can't see the dr again until the end of next week. In the meantime I'm still feeling dreadful, cried on the phone to my boss today which wasn't great- she is really understanding though which is good.

I have a lot of great friends and family to support he who tell me how great I am etc but of course my inner IUDs just says I'm a rubbish person etc etc!

am hoping tomorrow may be a brighter day

thanks again for your support