isnt that just being numb

[b_rock]

Hi im new to bb and a bit lost on the website and in life ..... iv have a background of sexual, mental and verbal abuse iv always suffered depression it usually comes every 6months sticks around for a few weeks then takes off again but since January this year its hung over me iv also developed anxiety with it this time..... most of my stuff revolves around a general feeling of worthlessness

I suffered in silence for months then with in a few days broke down in front of everyone im close to but still no one can call or message ...I say I feel disconnected and thay cant ask me over for coffee

my partner said I need new friends but how can I open up to new people when the people who have been here all along dont give a hoot.....

is it me is it the depression is it them.. why dont thay care...why would someone eles.... am I trying to get better so it dosnt hurt that no one cares isnt that just being numb

[Guest_322]

Hi b.rock,

That's a really heartbreaking list of things that you've been through...goodness...I'm so sorry all that happened- and for the lack of support.

I think the dam broke hence your breakdown; things from our past often find ways to creep up on us when we least expect.

It's always hurtful when friends don't reach out when you're obviously hurting. Whatever their reasons, it still sucks and it still hurts. Now is probably when you need them most.

You know, I think it would really benefit you to get some professional help. Of course, personal support is extremely important too but the pros have a role to play.

I hear the struggle and maybe seeing a doctor would be a good start as this is something that would be really, really hard to fight by yourself. She/he can then maybe refer you to specialists if need be.

I personally spent about 4 years having weekly sessions with a psych, and there are things that they can do for you that friends and loved ones can't give.

Posting here is already a great start. I mean, it suggests that you're open to talking. Again, I'm really sorry you're going through this. No one deserves this.

Dottie x

[Cornstarch]

It's really tough when people disclose emotional, physical or sexual abuse on the forums for me, in the sense that there is no way in telling if giving advice or pointing them towards resources will be helpful or too triggering.

It sounds like your attachment wounds are really open and raw right now.

We all go through that. It makes us feel like little kids. I hate those days. I feel so small. Today was one of them. You feel like you walk through life peering and frightened, and certainly not standing up straight.

Unfortunately there is no quick fix, and it will probably be healthy relationships that help you come to grips with the past.

Humans have betrayed you and now you're asking them to be your medicine? Sounds nuts doesn't it.

It's a very gradual process, we all have peaks and troughs. I'd recommend getting a great therapist. Someone to tell all the embarrassing stuff to. It won't be easy when your attachment wounds are firing off like cracker night but you gotta start somewhere.......

Good luck.

[Guest_322]

b.rock,

I think Cornstarch has more wisdom on this and said it much better than I did.

Thinking of you. Hang in there.

Dottie x