New here and need help

[TWJ]

hi, where do I start ? I a happily married guy with a great family that will be 56 next week. Sorry this may get a bit confusing but here goes.

Things started to go wrong in October 2014 when I got sick on a cruise for our 30th wedding anniversary. In January 2015 I finally admitted to my family I needed help as I was in a black hole off depression, felt worthless was not interested in anything or anyone.

I have been told that I contracted a virus that has managed to infiltrate the nervous system in the brain - but have no proof. We will touch on that shortly

I went to our local GP and was confirmed as being depressed, given an anti depressant tablets to take everyday and sent on my way.

After about a week I was hit with bad headaches and buzzing / zinging noises in my ears, back to the doctors and he changed the tabs to another brand. Not long after this I developed a tic / twitch in the left arm and now in the neck.

They did seem to help the mood a bit but there would always seem to be highs and lows over the following months.

We were sent to psychologists and later to neuro specialists for brain scans , blood test MRI etc etc and they could find nothing wrong.

I was put on medication by the last psychologist and that was so bad I was having suicide thoughts. So we quickly stopped them.

Out of frustration my wife suggested acupuncture and no meds - this is where the virus was mentioned and was told to see a Chinese herbalist.

This seemed to really work and the headaches decreased , the tic / twitch slowed dramatically and the mood improved. But it has never totally gone away and has gradually returned.

Some days I want to sit in the corner and cry, and have had days when I wish the floor would just swallow me up - I suffer bad memory and confidence issues.

Has anyone heard of this or suffering similar issues?

Just wish life would get back to where it was.

TWJ

[blondguy]

Hello TWJ

Welcome to the forums and thankyou for posting too!

Depression is an awful insidious illness, I do feel your pain as I have had same since 1996. I havent had a tic to contend with, please forgive my ignorance except that it can be similar to a relative of mine that 'blinks' a lot...as in when he gets stressed he blinks all the time without knowing it.

Ive been taking a small dose of an AD for 20 years which actually worked well (after about 8 weeks) The meds provided me with a foundation on which I could heal as they arent a fix all. They do take the super lows we have away and do provide some peace.

I was probably luckier than you because I had acute anxiety first...I tried all the natural remedies and was still a mess. I couldnt afford a counsellor so I called my council and they sent out a gem of a mental health worker. he gave me my life back but insisted I see him weekly, which I did for six months. I was in corporate as a senior manager. He poked and prodded and had me crying (venting) like a baby after the second visit. It felt awkward and weird but within 2 days I was back on track.

I was always fiercely anti-meds until I realised I just wasted many years using alternative therapies. The anxiety and depression remained constant.

I still take my small dosage of one of the best selling AD's everyday without a problem. There was a small 'cloudy' sensation when I started but the mega lows went away and then I used frequent counselling more effectively to really get stuck into how teary and sad I used to be.....a lot

I have an old quote that is a wake call for me just in case I dont see depression as an illness anymore;

"Depression is a Serious Illness, just like diabetes or heart disease...

Expecting positive thinking to cure depression is like expecting a person with diabetes to lower their blood sugar level by thinking happy thoughts"

Happy Birthday for next week TWJ. I am 56

There are many kind people that be here for you, I hope you can stick around...even if you just want a chat you are more than welcome. I hope that something here has been of help.

my kind thoughts and respect for you

Paul

[SubduedBlues]

Hi TWJ

Welcome, I tend to wonder if your tics are symptomatic of the depression, or if the depression is symptomatic of the tics. I have Tourette Syndrome, which is a neurological disorder that manifests itself via tics -- it can also play havoc on our short term memory.

Sometimes the tics would be so bad that I'd get the blues because of them. Having a native background I am familiar with herbal remedies from the Mide'wiwin which do seem to help, but I am never really free of them.

If the tics have been persistent for many months, then perhaps next time you visit your neurologist you may want to consider asking him about adult onset of Tourette's.

Keep posting, and let us know how you are getting on.
SB

[Doolhof]

Hi TWJ,

Happy Birthday for next week and welcome to the community here at Beyond Blue.

Most of the symptoms you have mentioned I can relate to apart from the tics.

The thing with depression is that it can affect each individual differently. As you have probably already recognised yourself, some days are better than others. Depression can hit when you have no idea why it is so severe.

Medication can affect people differently as well. Unfortunately there is no precise and exact science for a Dr. to follow. A person with thyroid problems needs thyroxine, the Dr. just needs to work out the correct dose. With depression it is not that simple.

Trying natural remedies may work well for some people. It is important to tell the medical professionals in your life what you are taking as some natural and prescription medications don't mix.

If you were to read through some of the posts here about depression, you might be a little surprised to realise just how many people have a variety of issues with their depression.

One thing I like to remember is that yes, I have been diagnosed with depression, some days I suffer badly, other days I can still find ways to laugh and enjoy life.

Depression is an illness, it does not have to define who I am.

My life's journey keeps changing and evolving. I can never go back to how or who I was before, but I can decide who I want to be now.

I can accept my depression and try to make the most of each day no matter how tough it is.

Depression can be darn tough, I don't deny that. The battle to hang in there is worth it!

Cheers for now from Mrs. Dools

[TWJ]

Thanks for all the replies and advice and thanks for letting me have a place to discuss my issues , fears and get advice and support. I will definitely read through a lot of the contributions and will update progress as we go along.

One thing I think I need to do is admit to myself that "Depression is a Serious Illness, just like diabetes or heart disease..." and work to making my life as best possible with what I have got and been given.

Thanks again

TWJ

[Doolhof]

Hi TWJ,

Thankfully these days a lot more people are admitting to having depression or from having had it.

For some people depression is still a condition they do not accept as being a legitimate illness. Guess some people think it is a sign of weakness and that people suffering from it should just pull their socks up.

When we hear comments like that, it may make us feel like no one cares or understands. Thankfully that is not the case! Many people do care.

You might like to Google "Famous People suffering from depression and their achievements."

Recently a girlfriend of mine has started to experience depression. She told me that in the past she had never understood when I tried to explain my depression to her. Now she does.

Same as I have never had diabetes, so don't understand how a diabetic feels.

The forum is always here and you are always welcome.

Cheers for now from Mrs. Dools