Need some advice

[Redkettle]

I am after some advice.

I have struggled with depression most of my life and have been taking amti depressants for years. 

I have had a rough few months,  and it gets so bad that I can't even make it to work for days sometimes.

I have good intentions and insight into my behaviour,  but the more work I miss the harder it is to go and face my workmates.

I know that a lot of them will be angry and not understand,  and I get it.

It's like I can't bring myself to put on a brave face and make the effort. 

I just feel so lost and alone

[therising]

Hi Redkettle

Time off work that provides greater insight into who you are and how you tick is time well spent in my opinion. Of course, far from an easy time, given the brutal nature of depression.

Workmates who can relate to the nature of depression will completely understand and be deeply compassionate. Those who can't relate, based on a lack of personal experience, knowledge or no desire to understand may judge in their own way. When the latter judge, you'll definitely feel it. If you're a 'feeler', you'll feel their words, tone of voice, facial expressions, opinions, ignorance, arrogance, closed mind and more. You may also feel your own inner demons start chatting away if someone's triggered them. So much to be feeling. The challenge may be to identify what you're feeling and why you're feeling it. For example, if someone was to say 'You taking time off has made life so much harder for us', while you may be feeling them stating a possible fact, you would also be feeling them being thoughtless. Thoughtful people tend to think 'How would what I say lead that person to feel?'. Thoughtful people have filters. You may feel them being ignorant, ignoring good reason for you taking time off. If you start to feel incredibly down, that would be you sensing people as 'downers'. If there are any uplifting people at work, focus on them and how they lead you to feel. Perhaps, don't look at it as being brave enough to face people, look at it more so as being brave enough to begin testing your ability to really get a feel for people.

Being a gal who's a feeler, it can be a brave move, starting to get a sense of people's nature because sometimes what you sense can be brutal. Sometimes it can feel heartbreaking and even depressing, the process of waking up to people. Once you start to really wake up, you'll begin to read the following types of people like and open book - narcissists, gaslighters, downers, closed minded ones (or all that combined) and so on. Each has a very distinct and depressing, frustrating or angering feel to them.

Do the meds feel like downers, uppers or something that leaves you in neutral (not feeling much at all)? Down or neutral is no way to feel. Could it be time to address them?

[geoff]

Hello Redkettle, people who haven't had depression normally don't understand when their famly, friend or workmate is suffering from it, because they believe we are only pretending which is far from the truth.

If you can't go to work then get a doctor's certificate allowing you time off work, then this will give you time to get the help you are after.

Please don't punish yourself.

Geoff.

Life Member.

[yggdrasil]

Hi Redkettle,

I'm really sorry to hear it's been so tough lately. I'm also sorry the pressures of work are making things harder too.

In my own past experience, when major depression/anxiety kicked in, it was usually best to try to make a more major change in my work situation, rather than toughing it out. This could mean going on extended unpaid sick leave for a few weeks/months, or shifting to a part time position (if either of those options were available.)

I found I would routinely over-estimate my current wellness and work capabilities, and push myself way too hard, making the depression/anxiety worse. It's better to be cautious with this stuff I think, and make significant changes as early as possible, to give yourself the headspace, and time/energy you need for recovery.

I also understand how hard it can be to face workmates. Whenever I stepped away from work my brain would feed me endless messages about how everyone at work must be gossiping about how I'd lost the plot or something. In reality people have plenty going on in their own lives and they're not actually thinking about you much. 

Have you ever considered joining a face-to-face depression/anxiety peer support group? I attended one for years and found them very helpful at alleviating that feeling of being lost and alone. The people who attend these groups understand what you're going through on an instinctive, emotional level, rather than a clinical one, and I found something very therapeutic about relating to others in this way. It made me feel much less "alien". 

I hope the coming week goes a bit easier for you. All the best,

yggdrasil 

[Redkettle]

Oh my god,  this is exactly what I needed to hear. I have spoken with my boss and we have reduced my hours to see how I get on. I also have been experiencing huge anxiety about going back, so have another few days off. Days that I hope will be more productive than the past couple of weeks have been.

I know there will be some who don't understand,  my family included, but reading your response and taking the time out is really helping me. 

The kindness of strangers....

Thank you from the bottom of my heart ❤️ 

[Redkettle]

Thank you 

[Redkettle]

I definitely feel as though people will be talking about me, and it does feel as though I've lost the plot

I've changed my meds and love the idea of a face to face group like you mentioned 

Where would I find details about this?

[yggdrasil]

Hi Redkettle,

I'm glad you've spoken to your boss! I've found employers are often aware and understanding of this stuff these days.  

I don't think you need to disclose your treatment etc to people you don't want to - it's your own business between you and the professionals. 

To find a group I would try a google search for something like "mental health peer support group". "Peer support" is the key jargon with this stuff.

I actually found my group through my closest "neighbourhood house" - basically a small community centre. You could also try calling BeyondBlue or Lifeline and asking if they know of any groups in your area. I know lifeline provided training for the people running the group I was part of, so they might have some good leads.

It took me a long time to learn how to step back from work when I needed. There's so much self-esteem and weird status stuff tied up with our jobs. These days I always put basic sanity and work/health sustainability first, rather than chasing the really high-flying positions etc with a "success at all costs" attitude. I have found I have actually had much more success in my work after switching this mindset. 

Hope the coming week is restful for you 🙂 All the best,

yggdrasil