Need some advice and help

[Titleist]

Hi all, sorry for the long post but just after some advice on what I should do. I haven't been feeling too good, feels like I'm going crazy, an emotional roller coaster in my head everyday. 

Last year my local GP sent me to see someone after I told her I have been drinking a lot recently. The shrink pinned my condition down to anxiety. Which I think is incorrect. I have a history of minor substance abuse (marijuana 1-2 days a week & prescription pills everyday) I stopped the Marijuana 6 years ago when my son was born, but the prescription pills I kept taking up until 1 month ago.  I know what happens when you stop  your body feel like crap for a few weeks then you get better. Well my body has felt better but my mind has not. I'm an absolute wreck.    

I have 2 kids and a wife which I love and I work 5 days a week 9-5.30. My work is terrible. I dread waking up and going there, I often think this is the cause of me feeling terrible. When I take a day off I feel like I'm on top of the world and I feel happy and normal again, but having a family I can not just pack up and leave my job. I need to provide for my kids. I feel trapped and stuck in this daily grind. I have worked since I was 15, I am 33 now.

I have done a bit of research on what depression is and what the symptoms are and I have experienced mainly all of it, bar the suicidal thoughts and not being able to get out of bed. I love going out and doing family things but come Sunday night I become a monster again knowing I have to go back to the daily grind the next day.

 2015 has been the worst year of my life so far, even though I have a loving family and get to do all the activities I love such as playing golf, fishing & go karts I still feel like crap and unhappy. We recently had family over from overseas for 3 months in 2014 I never felt this good in a long time. Going places, doing things every day but now that's over and they have left us I feel empty again.

I am thinking about going back to another GP but I don't want to go talk to a shrink again and I'm afraid I will get hooked on the prescription drugs they give me. Just need some advice and thank you for reading my post.

[Neil_1]

Hi there Lover of Golf (I’m assuming that with a name of titleist this could very well be what you are?)

Welcome to Beyond Blue and thanx for providing your post.

When I read your name and your subject heading, even before I read your post, I was thinking:  Titleist, advice needed, yeah easy, I can do that.   It was going to be something along the lines of keep your head still, eyes on the ball and have a nice even pull back of the club, then on the downward swing of your club and as you connect with the ball, be slightly light on your feet (careful not being too light or you’ll overbalance) and as you follow through, slightly twist you torso as you watch the flight of your ball.   There:  Lesson One is over.  🙂

I’m thinking that your stopping of the pills could be a catalyst for how you’re now feeling – as going off meds, especially if you’ve been on them for any length of time can be tricky and generally should be monitored by your treating professional.  But I believe you’re now off meds and your body would be ‘washed out’ from the previous one’s you were taking.

It could well be a good time to seek out another gp for an update for you.  Just with that, if you’re unsure about gp’s, on this site, Beyond Blue have a list of gp’s available to be searched for.  The thing with these gp’s is that they are all experienced in dealing with mental health issues and therefore would be best placed to advise you of possible future steps to take.  Perhaps even would be a good thing to take along your previous tablets or at least the name of them so show.

Sorry is just a short post today, but I do hope to hear back from you.

Neil

[geoff]

dear Titleist, I'd also like to welcome you to the BB site.

Not all doctors are sympathetic to people who drink alcohol, and often tell you that you drink far too much, I know because when I was depressed and drinking everyday, numerous doctors, psychologists and even psychiatrists kept on focusing on the alcohol and not why I was doing it, and said that they couldn't help me until I stopped drinking, referring to having a cloudy head and that I couldn't think logically, and wouldn't see me any more until I had stopped.

It didn't matter because I didn't want to see them myself, because their concentration was purely on the grog and not why I was having trouble, because the self medicating of drinking was to ease my depression.

You have mentioned about how you feel when you stop taking prescription drugs and you want to stop it does make you feel as though firstly your reliance on a drug is not there, and then your body has to recover, but it is hell when you have nothing to take, so it takes an enormous effect to try and get back on track, even though you still participate doing what you like to do, so this is where you really need some help.

Would it be possible to find a doctor as Neil has suggested, one that deals with relying on drugs as well as the alcohol to get through your daily routine, which brings me to your job, which could one main reason why this has started.

There is a good reason to apply for other jobs, if this is possible in the field you are in, because this is one major problem causing you to rely on self medicating.

It maybe difficult for you to want to reply, but we really hope that you can. Geoff.

[Titleist]

Thanks for the reply & help gents.Good to get some support...

The alcohol wasn't a big problem at all, I would usually have a drink Friday nights only just to get tipsy the main problem was the pills to be honest. The self medication was not something prescribed by a DR but over the counter pain pills.
I took these pills and I felt great numbing my life and the daily grind away..I'm sort of worried to go and tell a new DR about this self medicating, I feel as though they will think I am a junkie wanting antidepressants to get high. And to be honest If I was to get actual prescribed medication I probably would over use them.
 
It's been a few weeks now since I stopped them and the first 2 weeks where horrible. I have never felt do depressed in my life like this. Add to that this job I have and not being able to play golf as much as I would like to, I almost thought about checking myself into somewhere for a break...Felt like a complete meltdown.

I will definitely seek a new DR someone who is recommended on this site and see how I go. 

 The last 2 weeks I've been feeling ok I realize the long weekend is coming up and I have a little break from my hell hole job, I can play golf and relax with my kids.

 Thanks for the golf tips Neil, If only I could get some consistency with my irons I would hit single figures hahah...    

[Neil_1]

Hi there Titleist

Thanx heaps for your latest response.

Yes, going off tablets that you’ve been taking a while can be a very hard task, as you found out and that was also mixed in with this job that doesn’t sound like the best place to be.  But it’s very pleasing to read that you’ve made it through that and are now into an ‘ok’ kind of phase.  When we’re struggling to be able to get to feeling “ok” is honestly a hell of a lot better than how it sounds or what it means.

I’m just wondering what other work opportunities there may be for you where you are?  To be going to a job that we really dislike can have bad effects on us (tell me something I don’t know, I hear you say), so if you’re able to seek out other work elsewhere – yes yes, I know, much easier said than done, but still …

I’m also glad to hear that you’re going to seek out a gp from this site and I have every confidence that this will be a great step forward for you.

A long weekend of golfing and relaxing with the kids – yeah, now THAT sounds awesome.

Kind regards

Neil