Need help

[laura86]

Hi everyone,   

I’m new to sharing here but really needed to reach out for help.   

I have been suffering from depression and anxiety for many years now and am currently in a massive low period. I recently left a horrible workplace for a better job- this is a good thing and I am proud of myself for moving on. However I now work for a very small business and don’t have anyone to really talk to on a day-to-day level and this had effected me more than I thought it would. I feel as though I have lost most of the friends I had despite trying to keep in contact and everyone else seems to be overseas, away with work or just too busy.   

A couple of weeks ago I had a big meltdown while

I was home alone.  For the first time in years those truly dark thoughts came back where I couldn’t control my pain and emptiness and thought seriously about taking my life.  The worst part was having no one to reach out to. I felt totally alone and worthless. Although those really bad suicidalfeelings are not as strong I wake up every day with horrible anxiety and sadness. I often don’t know how I’ll get through the day at work and cry whenever I’m alone.      

Since then my partner has come home from his business trip and has been really supportive even though I’m just

sad all the time. I just wish it was over but I feel like it is just getting worse every day.  I can’t afford to see a psychiatrist and in my local area there isn’t like a community-based service that is cheaper. I suppose I feel lost, alone and desperate.     

Anyway, I thought I should try to reach out here and see what happens. 

Thank you for listening and for your support   

Laura

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[laura86]

Hi LING,

How are you feeling?? I hope you're getting better. Everyone seems to be getting that horrible flu at the moment!

I pray every day, at the moment I feel like it's frustrated prays because I'm in such a low place. Maybe I do need to meet God half way on this though : ) 

I called BB on the weekend and talked to a nice man- it was nice talking to someone but a bit strange telling someone I don't know my problems out loud like that. I tried to go back to the doctor to get a referral to a therapist. But when I walked in the sign said the only doctor on duty was the same guy I saw the other night so I left. I'll go back another time.

Anyway thank you again and I hope you feel better soon.

Lots of love,

Laura

[White_Rose]

Dear Laura

I started to write a reply to you then foolishly looked up something without going to a new page, so I lost the post. I hope I remember everything I wrote before.

Good to know you are managing to eat a little. I lost 22kg in about three months many years ago when I was severely depressed. I forced myself to eat a cheese sandwich every day, but that was all I could manage. Unfortunately, as I got well I put the weight back on. You would have thought I could salvage something out of the crash.

My neighbour was lovely to me, just like a mother. She would give small treats or meals to eat when I came home from work and I ate them because they were given with love. I hope someone is looking after you.

I have never learned the art of crochet but I knit and embroider. Also enjoy scrap-booking and painting. Gives such a sense of achievement to complete a project. I will not talk about my pile of UFOs.

If you are having difficulty talking to a GP why not try the BB list of GPs in the tabs above? They are experienced in mental health issues and will be able to help you more than the GP you have seen. What can you lose? Glad you felt able to talk to a BB counselor.

I think I have mentioned meditation before. Have you tried this? The meditation I practice is called Christian Meditation. Put Australian Christian Meditation Community in your search engine and follow the link State Meditation Groups to find a meditation group near you. It is good to meditate in a group as well as on your own. Can't give you more specifics as I do not know which state you live in.

My 'flu is gradually going away. I have decided not to run around the minute I feel a bit better, but make sure I am really fit first. It has really knocked me for six this time. But I am definitely on the mend.

I hope you find a group of people to talk to. A friend of mine goes to the local retirement home every week. He organizes some music mornings which means playing the old songs the people remember and love. He says he is blessed by talking to these folk who have so much experience of life and are happy to talk about it. Of course there are others who have memory problems but they also respond to chats and music, often unexpectedly. He finds it very rewarding.

If I have said this before please ignore me now. It really is a journey of one step at a time. No looking at the horizon because it is too far away. Look at the here and now. Each step gives you the strength to take another step.

LING

[Bluedaze]

Hi Laura

That guy, he simply does not know how lucky he is to have such a wonderful person as you.

Hang in there, we're all here for you.  🙂

[geoff]

dear Laura, I have been reading the posts and you have a lot of support, which is great, so just a couple of questions, sorry.

Have you heard from your friend as I' sure it's this week that you were meant to be going.

I have always like going to an old folks home which Dools has suggested, because there are so many lovely people who want someone to talk to, and they have so many interesting stories to tell over their life span, they may have control over the conversation, but when I go it doesn't worry me, because one day we will be in the same position as them.

It's also fascinating about the meetings with the spiritual healer and are you still going to see the hypnotherapist or are they the same person. LGeoff. x

[Doolhof]

Dear Laura,

Good morning. Thanks for getting back to us. There are some wonderful ideas and great comments on this thread. I will look into the Christian Meditation myself and see if there is something in my region.

It is excellent you are considering volunteering at the old folks home. You may find there are a lot of options there for you. As you like the "Nanna" hobbies, as I do too, you may be able to assist the "Life style" worker (used to be Divisional Therapist not sure what title they go by now) the person who  provides arts and crafts and other activities to the people in the homes.

So what are you crocheting at the moment? I have a blanket I am working on, just a basic pattern, I would like to find more time for my craft projects. I like quilting as well and have plenty of projects I have started and not managed to find the time to complete yet!

I'm pleased to read you are eating something, even if they all small meals, they are something. When I am depressed I tend to binge eat which is not at all good either! Funny thing is I never feel like binge eating fruit and vegetables! Ha. Ha.

Regarding your friend, I do so hope you manage to catch up. I have a dear male friend whom I consider to be like a big brother to me and I sometimes become really upset when I don't hear from him for weeks. Sometimes I think I put too much emphasise on my  being happy when he contacts me, and not looking at the happiness I can receive each and every day from the people I do have around me and by life in general. I'm trying really hard to not let his absence in my life affect me so much.

Being here on BB and having so many wonderful, caring, considerate and friendly people to chat with has certainly helped me with my dependence on this guy to bring me a sense of self worth and happiness. I hope the same will happen for you, and I also hope your friendship with this guy will grow into something very special and healthy.

All the best to you and all your positive ideas and thoughts for your future, it will be lovely to read of your progress, as it encourages me too to know you are doing well.

Cheers for now, From Dools.

[laura86]

Hi Bluedaze,

Thank you for being so nice. I had a big anxiety attack this morning and don't feel like being at work but don't want to sit at home alone all day either. Oh I wish I didn't feel like this anymore : (

I hope you're doing ok today  

[laura86]

Hi Geoff,

Thank you for your post. My friend sent me a really flippant message last night just saying he hoped I had a good weekend- it's not the sort of message he'd normally send so I've tried calling and messaging back to see if something is wrong but get no answer. I think he might be gone and I should just let it go. The ball is next Friday and I doubt he'll come. I just really miss my friend and despite him being this way I feel so devastated because he's my friend and I love him.

The hypnotherapist and spiritual healer are the same person : ) I'm going again next Monday but after that I can't really afford it as it's over $100 per visit. 

My dad gets back from overseas tomorrow which is a good thing. I miss him very much and will talk to him about my problems. He's always been a great source of calm and reason for me. 

Regarding the old folks home would I need to officially volunteer or can I just drop in? How does that work- I feel like if I call to ask I'll get a grumpy nurse who won't help lol.

Thanks again Geoff- you're amazing!

[laura86]

Hi Dools,

As always thank you for thinking of me and writing such great advice!

At the moment I'm crocheting a baby blanket for my cousin who had a little girl last week. Poor thing was 10 weeks early and my cousin was really sick so both are still in hospital. The blanket you're making- I assume you're knitting it. What kind are you doing? I'm trying to get better at knitting. I feel like I know how to crochet so I'm impatient not being good at knitting right away. I bought some beautiful needles though to inspire me!

I feel the same about my friend Dools! I know I put too much of my happiness in other people- especially him. But we used to talk every day, all day, call each other on the drive home from work etc. Now I feel like I've lost him. He hardly talks to me and won't answer my calls or reply to my messages. I keep asking if everything is ok and if I've done something wrong. He just says he's busy but I'm not sure that's true anymore. I think he's pushing me away and maybe I just need to give up. But how can I stop loving my best friend of almost 13 years? It just breaks my heart. Everyone tells me to work it out with him but it's a bit hard when he won't talk to me. I've tried going to his house but he's rarely home and then his neighbours text him and say I've been there again- makes me sound like a crazy!

I'm really hoping to find my self worth and happiness Dools. I'm not doing a great job right now and wake up each day feeling worse. There is mascara on everything from me crying. 

Sorry again for being a huge downer. Let's hope today gets better.

Thanks for caring and being amazing!

Laura

xx

[Doolhof]

Dear Laura,

It is great to hear from you. I hope the precious little baby is doing okay, and the Mum as well. Must have been a traumatic time for the parents with the baby coming so ewarly. It is amazing how the medical world can look after a life so young. It is wonderful you are crocheting the blanket for the baby, how sweet or you.

The blanket I am making is a crocheted one as well. I can knit, very basic stuff only. I drop stitches and end up with holes all over the place! Ha. Ha. Don't be too hard on yourself regarding taking time to get the hang of knitting, at least you are trying and are willing to learn.

Same with the issues of life. We just need to be patient, be willing to learn new things, and not try to get ahead of ourselves. It is great there are so many people here connected to BB to help us all.

I'm not sure what to suggest about catching up with your friend. Maybe not call around to his house or contact him for a few days and see what happens. I know you are going to probably stress out over the withdrawal of not being in contact with him, or at least you keeping in touch with him.

I hope you are able to find different things to keep you busy, so not having the guy high on your priority list will not seem so daunting for you. I do so hope you can find other people in your life to help fill in the void you now have since this guy is not around you all the time.

Let us know how you are getting on, and if life starts to suck too much, then please contact someone, or write more here until you feel better inside.

Thinking of you, from Dools.

[White_Rose]

Hello Laura

It's been a while I feel since I last wrote. You sound so sad and miserable about your friend. Do you have any other friends to talk to? I know that having a special friend is fantastic and losing touch with that person is very hard. It seems to me that your assumptions about him are probably right. For whatever reason he wants some distance from you. This is unlikely to be because of something you have or have not done as close friends usually are up front about things like this.

More likely he has a problem(s) of his own and does not want to worry you with it. Can you bear to give him some space? You would know from your own experience that the more someone pushes the more you want to back away. Leave him to his own devices for a couple of weeks and then check in. I understand it will be hard because you feel, to some extent, abandoned and that is painful. Consider how he may be feeling and his needs.

Going to visit people in a retirement home is not just a case of rocking up. You should contact the manager of the home first and explain that you want to be a volunteer visitor. You may need to get a blue card first. There are blue cards for those who work with children and for those who work with aged people. Both entail completing a form and sending it to whatever address is on the form. Part of the process is getting a police criminal record check. Volunteers and paid workers need this card before working with elderly people.

I expect others on this thread will say they do not have a blue card, but this is really dodgy for the home and workers. I have a blue card for children. It is easy to obtain, unless there is something in your past, and lasts for several years. The home should sponsor you.

The home manager should also give you an induction of some kind and introduce you to the residents. I expect you can appreciate that just rocking up and wandering around can put you in an awkward position.

I hope I am not putting you off. It's a great job to do but the home and residents need safeguards and you need to be authorized to enter the home. It is different if you are visiting a relative. Good luck.

How is the blanket coming along? Ten weeks premmy baby is a worry so I do hope all is going well. I knitted shawls for my babies, nieces and friends' babies. Lovely soft baby wool, but it takes ages. 3ply wool and small sized needles. One of the best inventions is the circular needle. Makes knitting so much easier.

I hope you feel better soon.

LING