Need help

laura86 · ‎02-09-2014

Hi everyone,

I’m new to sharing here but really needed to reach out for help.

I have been suffering from depression and anxiety for many years now and am currently in a massive low period. I recently left a horrible workplace for a better job- this is a good thing and I am proud of myself for moving on. However I now work for a very small business and don’t have anyone to really talk to on a day-to-day level and this had effected me more than I thought it would. I feel as though I have lost most of the friends I had despite trying to keep in contact and everyone else seems to be overseas, away with work or just too busy.

A couple of weeks ago I had a big meltdown while

I was home alone. For the first time in years those truly dark thoughts came back where I couldn’t control my pain and emptiness and thought seriously about taking my life. The worst part was having no one to reach out to. I felt totally alone and worthless. Although those really bad suicidalfeelings are not as strong I wake up every day with horrible anxiety and sadness. I often don’t know how I’ll get through the day at work and cry whenever I’m alone.

Since then my partner has come home from his business trip and has been really supportive even though I’m just

sad all the time. I just wish it was over but I feel like it is just getting worse every day. I can’t afford to see a psychiatrist and in my local area there isn’t like a community-based service that is cheaper. I suppose I feel lost, alone and desperate.

Anyway, I thought I should try to reach out here and see what happens.

Thank you for listening and for your support

Laura

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Jacko777 · ‎04-09-2014

Hi Laura,

No need to be sorry mate. Soon you will have actions that you can take that will help to prevent this sadness and anxiety. As you practice meditation and become more aware of your thinking these emotions will subside and eventually you will subconsciously switch to a more positive mindset. If you feel alone, pause, imagine that all of us here are right there with you, because on a cosmic level, we ARE right with you.

It is my pleasure to try and be a supporter Laura, firstly I dislike seeing people hurting when there might be a solution and secondly, you are a lovely person.

All the best for tonight Laura.

laura86 · ‎04-09-2014

Hi Jacko,

Thank you for being so nice as always : )

It really helps to know that you are all here with me- it means a lot!

You are obviously a very caring and generous person and I am privileged to know you.

I will let you know how I go tonight- I'm a bit nervous but willing to give it a shot. A great friend of mine sees this lady too and says she's amazing.

Have a wonderful day lovely! And thank you again!

Doolhof · ‎04-09-2014

Dear Laura,

Hi. Great to read all the posts and to hear how you are getting on. I'm interested to learn how your evening went with the spiritualist/Hypnotherapist. I try to relate to my spiritual side and find it very beneficial. I have a strong belief that God is real and He is always there for me. Helps me through the day!

Hope you are feeling a little better than you did the morning you last posted. Hey, we all have mornings which don't start off so good, the thing is to use these new skills you are learning to make your day even better than you thought it might be.

You mentioned your boss is going to be away for a week and you are a little concerned about that. Do you have friends numbers on your phone that you can text quickly at work. Just a short "Hello. Thinking of you." and hopefully you will receive a reply.

I enjoyed myself today chatting with people in the supermarket, at the dentist, on the street, and in the car park. I asked one dear little old lady if she would like to continue with her determination and mountain climbing of the supermarket shelving to reach something on the top shelf, or if she would like some assistance. She decided she would like some help. we had a chat and a laugh together, she was literally climbing the shelving!

If you have a time at work this next week with the boss away, and life feels a bit too tough, take some time out to call one of the support numbers like BB or Lifeline for a quick chat and pick me up.

Try and plan something extra nice to do for lunch breaks especially while the boss is away and if you have to stay in the work place during that time, do something creative around your lunch break. Take in your favourite plate and cup, pick yourself a flower on the way to work, take in a book to read if you will be alone, a Sudoku puzzle book or something to help keep your mind busy. Grab a piece of paper and a pen and write down funny little poems.

Remember we are all here wishing you the very best. I am looking forward to learning from you what things are working for you and helping you to grow.

Thinking of you and sending you much loving care and support,

Cheers for now, from Dools

laura86 · ‎05-09-2014

Hi All,

Thought I should send an update on my session last night with the spiritual healer. I was actually really great and I got of good techniques on breathing and finding my centre. I am using those already today to help me with my morning anxiety and negative thinking. She was really helpful and I'm seeing her again in 2 weeks to continue with my progress.

I hope everyone is going well this week. I know for a lot of us the weekends bring mixed feelings- they certainly do for me. It's great not to be at work but it can mean time alone at home that lets thoughts and feelings creep in. I hope I can use the new techniques the healer taught me to move through them.

Dools I loved your advice as always. I will try over the next week to do more creative things in my breaks and in general. I think I will grab myself a new book to read and try to keep my mind busy.

Thank you again everyone for staying connected with me. Today my focus will be working through that anxiety and trying to channel my energy into something positive. I don't know how I'll go but I'll try : )

Much love,

Laura

xx

Jacko777 · ‎05-09-2014

Yaaaaaay!!!

Don't let up Laura, go with spirituality and keep bringing love back into your heart. If you start to feel anxious, focus on your sacred breath.

I am so happy for you.

Love Always, Jacko

Doolhof · ‎06-09-2014

HI Laura,

Hope your weekend is going okay. You have some new skills now to help you through the day and the nights if need be.

Hopefully the weather is pleasant where you are and you can get out for a walk, take a look around your area with different eyes, and spot little things to be appreciative of, a flower, the birds, ornaments in a garden, a cat asleep on a window sill.

Smile and say good morning to people along the way. Who knows who you might bump into. Do something a little different, take your lunch outside if you can, light a candle a dinner time, put on some music, have a dance by yourself, I like to do that when my husband is not around, then I can just move to the sound and not worry what I look like! It is very soothing for me.

Thinking of you, have a great weekend. I am planning to bake biscuits for my Dad for Father's Day and do some gardening. Both will be an achievement for me!

Cheerio for now,

From Dools.

laura86 · ‎06-09-2014

Hi Dools,

Thank you for your post. I'm home alone today and am not feeling the best to be honest. My best friend seems to be ignoring me and I don't know why or what I've done wrong. It's really effecting me and I just wish I had someone to talk to. I feel really anxious and I'm finding it hard to calm down. I haven't eaten since lunch yesterday and I'm not hungry. Just another bad day I guess.

Let's hope it gets better. Sorry for the sad post. I wish things would improve : (

White_Rose · ‎06-09-2014

Dear Laura

Sorry you are feeling a bit down and very sorry not to write to you. I had the 'flu, basically got rid of it and then it came back to bite me. So I am feeling sorry for myself and trying to concentrate on whatever. Not very very successfully! Amazing how your brain turns to mush when you are ill.

Glad you enjoyed being with the spiritual healer. I meditate every day and find that the most helpful and restful thing to do. Although today I just fell asleep. Ah well, must have needed it.

You have been given so many suggestions and I hope that some of them resonate with you. It's by trying different things that we find what works for us. Overall though, it's being with others for a significant part of the day, however casual the interactions. So talking with people in the park or at the bus stop can be very uplifting and most of all does not impose any obligations other than being pleasant. And that's the good part because we so often do not want the burden of constant relationships.

Like Doolhof, I have a absolute belief in God and His healing. Sometimes though I expect Him to do it all for me. So though it's not Wednesday, and I hope I did not read this on BB, here is a joke.

A man prayed every night to God that he would win the lottery. Nothing happened and one night the man got so frustrated he yelled at God and said "I've prayed every night to win the lottery and you haven't done anything." He heard a voice saying "Come on, give me a break. At least meet me half way and buy a ticket".

If you feel really bad why not talk to to the BB phone people? I hope your weekend gets better. Thinking of you.

LING

Doolhof · ‎07-09-2014

Dear Laura,

Hi. I am so sorry to read that you are having a down time. I think I have sent you a message already last night, but it has not shown up yet. I have a bit of trouble with my memory at times, so please excuse me if I am sending a similar message twice! At least you know that I am thinking of you!

I do hope you are able to try to eat something, as our bodies need the nourishment to keep going. You may not feel hungry, but you still need some energy to keep everything functioning properly. Even just a morsel of something is better than nothing.

Have you tried using the phone help lines. There are always people there you can have a chat with, especially when you are feeling really lousy.

I'm sorry to read your best friend is not approachable at present. Could you send her a text message letting her know you are thinking of her and hope she is okay. Hopefully she/he will get back to you.

Is there a park close to you? If it is a nice day go off for a walk and see if there is anyone along the way to say a hello to. Old dears are usually great for a chat. If you see an older couple somewhere have a chat with them.

Just a thought, is there an old folks home close to you? You could volunteer some time on a weekend, even once a month, to visit an old dear who has no one close by. Some times the elderly just like to know someone has the time of day for them, to read them the news paper, have a chat, go for a walk in the garden, and it is very much a win- win situation.

Thinking of you and hoping you find someone to have a chat with, either on the phone help lines or out in public somewhere. You also have the ability to "Chat" with us all here 24 hours a day.

Cheers for now,

Love from Dools

laura86 · ‎08-09-2014

Hi Dools,

You are so kind and lovely- thank you so much!!

I have been eating just small amounts- I'm not trying to starve myself or anything I just don't feel like eating. I am trying a little though.

I have messaged my friend so many times and sometimes I'll get a single message back but then nothing so I've stopped messaging him for now. It's too depressing just waiting for someone to respond. I don't send anything negative so I don't know what the problem is. I feel really sad because I feel like I've lost him and things are really broken at the moment. Let's hope things sort themselves out there. He's meant to be coming to an event with me next week- I'm almost sure he'll cancel on me. Sigh!

I've brought my crocheting with me to work today so I have something to do at lunch time in the sun. Despite only being 28 I have my Nanna hobbies lol.

I really like your idea of volunteering at a old folks home. I'm going to look into that today. Thanks!!!

Thank you again for talking to me, it means more than you know

Love always

Laura

xx