Need help

[laura86]

Hi everyone,   

I’m new to sharing here but really needed to reach out for help.   

I have been suffering from depression and anxiety for many years now and am currently in a massive low period. I recently left a horrible workplace for a better job- this is a good thing and I am proud of myself for moving on. However I now work for a very small business and don’t have anyone to really talk to on a day-to-day level and this had effected me more than I thought it would. I feel as though I have lost most of the friends I had despite trying to keep in contact and everyone else seems to be overseas, away with work or just too busy.   

A couple of weeks ago I had a big meltdown while

I was home alone.  For the first time in years those truly dark thoughts came back where I couldn’t control my pain and emptiness and thought seriously about taking my life.  The worst part was having no one to reach out to. I felt totally alone and worthless. Although those really bad suicidalfeelings are not as strong I wake up every day with horrible anxiety and sadness. I often don’t know how I’ll get through the day at work and cry whenever I’m alone.      

Since then my partner has come home from his business trip and has been really supportive even though I’m just

sad all the time. I just wish it was over but I feel like it is just getting worse every day.  I can’t afford to see a psychiatrist and in my local area there isn’t like a community-based service that is cheaper. I suppose I feel lost, alone and desperate.     

Anyway, I thought I should try to reach out here and see what happens. 

Thank you for listening and for your support   

Laura

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[Jacko777]

Thanks for your kind words Laura. I am really glad you are going to a spiritual healer and getting some meditation techniques, this is my passion and i think and hope it will help you a lot. And try not to be put off by your busy mind, it is the practice of meditation that will bring you benefits, not the perfection of it. The more you practice the easier it becomes and you will find a new level of focus that will help you to keep your attention on the positive. I look forward to hearing how you go.

[laura86]

Hi Jacko,

I am seeing the spiritual healer tomorrow night after work so I'll let you know how it goes. 

I am often troubled by my busy mind so hopefully with some practice I will get better at using it as a benefit instead of a curse. I definitely want to find that focus and positivity that I feel like I have lost. 

Thank you again!

[White_Rose]

Dear Laura

So sad to read about your doctor. If this is not your usual doc can you make an appointment specifically to see your regular doc? Going to a BB doc is great but if you have a good rapport with your usual doc it may be worthwhile staying.

Have you found the information sheets about depression at the top of the page?Look under The Facts and Resources. I think you will find them very useful. And others in your circle will find them useful also.

How are you going with your family? As I said it can be tricky sometimes, but families usually care, though we all know families that do not. Families can be over protective and almost want to will you to get well again. So they get frustrated when you do not follow their advice because they 'know' what's best for you. Give them the info sheets.

I hope all goes well with your meditation lessons. I also meditate 2 X daily.  It really helps and when I miss I can tell.

Like you, I have fallen into a hole again, but this time I am managing my life differently and I believe with different results. So lets hold virtual hands and journey together.

Regards

LING

[laura86]

Hi LING,

Thank you again for your reply!

I work 9-5 and my doctor isn't available after hours. But that's ok I'll try to see her another time. The man I saw just clearly had no idea what to do and just gave me medication and that was that. Oh well, better than nothing I suppose.

I have had a look at the information sheets and I will continue to go through them. My family are ok- mum has depression too so she just wants to help me. Dad is overseas at the moment and he would do anything for me. But he gets really upset when something is wrong with me. He's a very sweet man and I'd so lucky to have that love but I don't like to make him sad as well. I will give them the info sheets for sure- thank you!

You've been really wonderful and everyone on here is helping me so much. Just to know I'm not alone and have people to talk to no matter what is amazing! 

I will let you know how my meditation lesson goes tomorrow night- I'm really looking forward to it! 

Thank you again for being so nice and speaking with me. Consider your virtual hand held and please know I'm here to talk if you need to!

Lots of love,

Laura

xx

[AGrace]

Hi Laura,

I was just reading through some of your posts and the wonderful replies you have received. It's lovely to hear that you now feel part of a big community of supportive people.

I know you mentioned that you found one of the BB GP's who practices in your area. I'd really urge you to make an appointment sooner rather than later so that you can get the mental health care plan and get yourself in to see a Psychologist. The Psychologist will be able to go through a range of techniques with you to help with how you're feeling and thinking.

The sad part of the story is that we can never truly switch our thinking off. Meditation will certainly help to relax you and teach you what it feels like to be relaxed rather than tense. It will also help to clear some of the haze from your mind.

I also wanted to suggest you google some of the following techniques in the interim:

Mindfulness, Cognitive Behavioural Therapy, and Distress Tolerance. If you want to do some self paced learning on any of these have a look at the CCI website. They have a range of resources available, including information on the above methods.

You've mentioned a couple of times about having to work autonomously and also not having much contact with your friends anymore. One of the things that depression and anxiety prefer us to do is isolate. It's ideal to try and include a variety of activities in your day in order to create a really balanced lifestyle. You could view work as your activity to create a sense of achievement. You might see joining the forums here as your activity to gain a sense of contribution. Including some pleasurable activities like starting a hobby, joining a club/group, and treating yourself to something nurturing and pampering. If you look at joining a club/group this can also be a great way to form new connections, which may just make some improvements to improve your social circle. Local Community Centres can be a really good place to start.

What sort of things do you do in your lunch break? Perhaps trying to catch up with someone during the day, or immediately after work could help you feel a bit more connected to people.

I'm interested to know how you find the Spiritual Healer, and to hear back from you:)

AGrace

[laura86]

Having a day of some mixed emotions I guess. I went for a walk after lunch today which was really good- just to get outside in the sunshine. 

I tried to organise to meet up with friends tonight but as usual no one is available. Everyone always says "next week" but then pulls out. I know I shouldn't be such a sook and respect that people are busy but I feel a bit let down and rejected. I hardly even get texts from my close friends anymore- how hard is it to message someone?! Again, sorry for sounding like a needy child. I just get to this point in the day and feel like I have no one again. All these people I've helped and been there for- where are they now? I don't need them to "save me" or solve my problems but it would be nice just to catch up.

Thank you AGrace for your post. I will try and see one of BB GP's within the next week because I really do need to start a plan and speak to a Psychologist. Thank you for those suggestions- I will definitely Google them and see how I go : ) I like your idea as viewing work and joining forums as an activity. I do have some hobbies but not surprisingly when I'm feeling depressed I don't feel like doing them. But yes I do need to start making improvements and meeting people although this has always been a bit difficult for me.  I can be a bit shy around new people. This might be a chance to overcome that? Maybe : )

Anyway, thank you to everyone again for listening and talking to me.

Speak soon,

Laura

xx

[Neil_1]

Hey Laura

This thread is going along like wildfire - which is absolutely brilliant.  Great posts being given by all people and thank you for continuing to respond.

I don't think it's been mentioned and though I'm definitely no doctor, I would be kind of hesitant to start taking those anti-depressants as advised by that "other" doctor you saw.  I'm sure there's nothing wrong with them - BUT it just concerns me big time that if he didn't seem comfortable in dealing with you and just prescribed some medication for you (possibly to get you out of the room quicker) - I can't help but feel that he "might" issue that same kind of medication for anyone who comes to him with these kinds of symptoms.

I'm just saying.

If you can, I'd be making an appointment with your own GP or one from this website and take along the prescription that he gave you.  And ask a professional who's skilled in prescribing medications.  There are so many out there and just by taking a certain type doesn't necessarily mean that it can help you.

Again, that's a very long winded message for me to say:  "I'm just saying".  🙂

Neil

[Jacko777]

xx

[Doolhof]

Dear Laura and Everyone else reading,

Hi, this is a great thread. It is wonderful to read all the encouragement, support and caring that is going on here. Sometimes the greatest gift in life that another person can give us, is their time and attention! Just like a smile, it doesn't take much to form one on your face and share it with another person, and we have no idea how the person seeing it may have needed your smile at just that moment.

My husband and I moved away from our last home about 2 years ago, and through the move, we stopped having contact with a lot of friends as they said we now lived too far away...we are only an hour's drive up the road! I keep in touch with some of my old friends and visit them, but the journey never seems to happen the other way around. Sometimes I think that sucks, and other times I just think that is how it is and I really like the people so I will keep in touch regardless if I am the one doing all the driving around.

I do find on my low depression days it is really hard to contemplate catching up with friends and family, as I am sure most of you out there do as well! With my job, I have no option though as I am an independent contractor looking after the elderly in their homes, so my work forces me to see people if I am in the mood to do so or not.

Thankfully most of the old dears are great conversationalists, so if I am having a bit of an off day, they can do all of the chatting and I just listen. One couple today showed me their holiday photos from Perth. They were thrilled I showed so much interest in their photos. It doesn't take much to make some people happy.

When I am at the shops, I like to smile at and say hello to the old dears especially, who knows when they last had someone have a chat with them? Try it a few times Laura in your lunch break or when ever, and soon you will be feeling good about being nice to others.

I wish you well with finding an understanding Dr and gaining the skills of a psychiatrist or psychologist to help you. Well done you for wanting to find all the information and help you can to make your life better. You go girl!

Here's sending everyone some encouragement and motivation to make positive changes in their lives. Even one small step forward helps.

Cheerio for now, kind thoughts to you all, from Dools

[laura86]

Hi All,

How is everyone this morning? Thank you for your replies as always : )

I woke up not feeling the best this morning- very anxious and teary. Hopefully the day gets better. My boss is is going away for a week tomorrow so I guess I'm a bit worried about that- she's the only other person permanently in the office with me and I'm worried about being on my own. So let me start by say a big sorry if I seem low and negative today.

Neil I'll see how these ADs go- maybe they'll be fine. As my boss is on leave for a week I won't be able to take any time off to see my doctor or another one during work hours. I m planning to see someone though when I can to get a referral to a therapist and see how the medication is going etc. I do agree with you though!

Hi Dools. I find myself in a similar situation where I make an effort to visit friends but as you said the journey never happens the other way. And right now I think it does suck! Right now people are so busy or are away that I can't even go see them which is difficult too. I will take your advice and start trying to smile and say hello to people more- I think that's a great idea and with time may help. 

Jacko thank you for your kind post and show of support- that's really kind of you.

Anyway I'm seeing that spiritual healer/hypnotherapist tonight so I hope that goes well. Again sorry if I'm a bit down in the dumps today. Just not feeling the greatest.

Love always,

Laura

xx