Mystery Disease and Depression and miscarriage

[Pregnantandterrified]

It’s been a year since I was on here.... so much has happened to me since. As my name suggests, I was pregnant. I later miscarried at the end of January, which was a horrible traumatic event. I was 4.5 months pregnant. I then began having all sorts of strange neurological symptoms (thought to be brought on by the rapid change in hormone levels)

These “attacks” were debilitating, and terrifying. Pupils dialating unequally, tremors, shortness of breath, chest tightness, heart palpitations, feelings of imminent death, migraines, icepick headaches, weak legs and more recently, uncontrollable finger movements. Sometimes they last 5-7 days.

no doctor can tell me what is happening to me. They are just waiting for something worse to happen that would make a diagnosis more clear. And yet, here I am, in tears almost everyday, completely fearful, and on edge waiting to see what happens next. My son is 3, and I’m scared he might end up growing up without me. I’ve never been so unwell and I feel like even the doctors think I’ve lost the plot. I’m trying to be strong for my family, but I’m so scared I can’t keep it together. Can anyone tell me how to keep your spirits up when you feel you are crashing apart? I feel so hopeless. Not suicidal! Just defeated, and sick.

[Nurse_Jenn]

Hi P&T,

Welcome back to the forum. I am so sorry to hear of the stress you are going through now and the also the stress you experienced back in January. This sounds tough and must be really taking its toll both mentally and physically. I wonder if you have had counselling or support following your miscarriage? If you have not, a resource you might access if called SANDS https://www.sands.org.au

All the symptoms you describe on top of the tremendous worry of not knowing 'why' would be so hard, especially with a 3 year old. I am really glad you have reached out here. I wonder if you have any other people to talk to that have been helpful such as a good friend or family member?

When you are in such a worried state, I would recommend you attend to self care priorities such as keeping well hydrated, eating nutritious food, going to bed early, trying to rest as much as possible and some light exercise. I understand this can be tough with a little one (I have a toddler myself) but focusing on this may help.

Having worry about a health outcome is really common. You are definitely not alone in your worry and I response to many posts of this nature on the forum. Waiting for symptoms to appear and reappear is extremely stressful and the stress even amplify symptoms. You have reached out here on the forum which is an awesome step. Taking this further by calling a friend regularly or even getting some support by a counsellor might be an idea that I wonder if you have explored? You could ask your GP or even try a program like the Developed by Beyond Blue - NewAccess Program which is available in some parts of Australia. You can read about NewAccess by going to this site https://www.beyondblue.org.au/get-support/newaccess

A practice called mindfulness could be helpful. It allows you to refocus your mind on the here and now. This can start off with even a one minute exercise and with more practice, you can do it for a longer periods. There is a thread on this forum called Mindfulness about some suggested activities that give your mind a rest period. Its a bit like having a power nap - even though short, the benefits are great. There is a good app called Smiling Mind that can help you walk through some of these exercises as well. You can visit this site by going to www.smilingmind.com.au

These are just a few suggestions but I am sure the forum will come to you with others. We are here, and listening.

Wishing you best,

Nurse Jenn

[Pregnantandterrified]

HI nurse Jenn,

thankyou so much for you reply, I did read it at the time but I wasn’t in any state to begin to reply. Sometimes it’s just incredibly hard for me to begin to express what I’m feeling. I feel like it’s the proverbial “Pandora’s box”. And I’m worried I can function with all that emotion running loose!

I didn’t have any kind of treatment after my miscarriage, I chose to put all that energy into a course and change of career, feeling that at least something good could come from something so sad.

I have taken your advice and started to practice mindfulness, it has helped me to refocus negative energy.

Im still very much struggling with my health, although through some tests, they’ve found I have erythema that’s mostly fast and includes a few extra beats from time to time. I actually celebrated this a little, because firstly it means I’m not crazy, also it explains the anxiety type feeling that would come on outta no where.

I have a neurologist appointment in February to see if all of this is being caused by some mass, or degenerative disease. I’m trying to hold hope that whatever it is, it’s at least treatable and survivable. I’m just so paralysed with fear. Im so worried something will happen to me before I get too Feb. unfortunately my doctor hasn’t put my mind at ease, rather he’s instilled fear by telling me my heart condition won’t kill me, but he can’t make any promises about whatever is happening in my head.

I just don’t know what to do, should I be planning for the future? Or planning my departure?

I am literally living day by day.

[therising]

Hi Pregnantandterrified

I'm so sorry to hear you're experiencing such an overwhelming challenge regarding your health. I'm also so sorry to hear about your heartbreaking experience with your miscarriage. I know, personally, how painful such an experience can be.

First thing that springs to mind may sound incredibly simplistic yet is proven to have amazing benefits for mind, body and spirit - Tai Chi. Tai Chi is very much energy based and works on the concept of re-calibrating the body's natural energy and keeping it running smoothly. By the way, we have a lot of energy systems running through us which those in the medical field would refer to as the nervous system, the lymphatic system, circulatory system etc.

You mention energy in a few places in your most recent post, which is what led me to think of Tai Chi, a practice in mindfulness:

• And I’m worried I can function with all that emotion (energy in motion) running loose!
  

• ...I chose to put all that energy into a course...

• I have taken your advice and started to practice mindfulness, it has helped me to refocus negative energy.

You also mention your health challenges were thought to be brought on by the rapid change in hormone levels. With us having both mental energy in motion as well as physical energy in motion, a practitioner of Tai Chi may refer to both aspects of self as experiencing a rapid shift. They may suggest pupils dilating unequally may indicate imbalance, shortness of breath - not enough deep calming restorative energy being brought in and exhausted (out), chest tightness - tension, heart palpitations - bursts of erratic energy that can sometimes accompany the repairing of 'a broken heart', migraines/icepick headaches - concentrated energy without calm flow, weak legs - not enough grounding, uncontrollable finger movements - sudden discharges.

You mentioned how you put a lot of your energy into a course and career after the miscarriage. Am wondering if you gave your self enough time to repair after such a significant loss. To re-pair our self with our natural state may often require us to relax for a time and recentre, so that our body and mind can gently re-calibrate. I know this would have been hard to do seeing such a practice can allow way too much time for thinking about loss and pain.

I personally regard miscarriage as an holistic issue, as it impacts body, mind and definitely spirit. Anyhow a bit of internet research on Tai Chi may offer some hope outside the square.

🙂