Depression

[Alir88]

Depression settles low
Like a damp winter fog
Enveloping me
It's cold tendrils reaching out
Wrapping me in their grip
Squeezing
Until I am fighting for every breath
My lungs burn they struggle to expand
The shallow rise and fall of my chest
Disguising the panic
That bubbles up
Threatening to explode

My hands
Clench
Tighter and tighter
As I search for a distraction
From the inner turmoil
And pain
Until another wave
Overwhelms me
Forcing a moan from my lips

I close my eyes
And contemplate the abyss in front of me
The deep black nothingness
Beckons
And taunts
Offering an escape
From the crushing loneliness
That is
Depression

[Aaronsis]

Hello Alir88

What a very emotional and descriptive post of how you are feeling and how depression makes you feel.

You are a very talented writer. This is such a wonderful way to get the pain and the feelings out.

Hope to chat some more

AS

[Doolhof]

Hi Alir88,

I agree with AS, you have a wonderful way with words. Your description of how depression can make us feel is very thought provoking.

Depression at that depth can be very hard to deal with.

Do you have any support people with you, someone you can contact? Would you consider phoning Life Line or Beyond Blue so you have a support person to talk with?

Are you concerned for your safety? Would you phone 000 if you were or go to the Dr or a hospital?

Is there one thing you can do right now to help yourself in any way?

Is it possible to go and sit outside. Listen to the birds. Watch the clouds if there are any.

Do you have any distractions that work for you? Reading, watching a movie, games or anything?

Writing down how we are feeling can be a great release.

Hope you are okay.

All the best from Dools

[Alir88]

Thank you Dools and AS.
The poem is the first one I've written, but it's the only way i can describe how i really feel.
Right now i can't concentrate on anything and i can't handle quiet time or being alone with my thoughts cause they get too dark. I have to keep busy and moving the whole time. Kinda a mess.

[Aaronsis]

Hi Alir88

I am so very pleased for you that you have found that writing really lets you express how you are feeling, it is such a powerful tool, and I think you have found something too that you are really kinda good at. Keep on writing those poems, I know it is a very personal thing but I would love to read more.

I hear you in that time alone and time with your thoughts make it really hard for you to feel anything positive, can I ask a personal question? How does your husband fit into the puzzle? Say on a weekend, can you go and have a coffee together or a walk in the park and a chat, or a drive to see some beautiful scenery? I am just wondering if that is an option also as the time together would be wonderful along with the distraction for you of having something positive to do.

Huge hugs Alir88, we are here for you.

Sarah

[Alir88]

Hello
Me and my husband do spend a lot of time together cause it's only us 2, although he likes to just chill in his downtime, but i can't keep still enough to spend long in the one place so any downtime for me includes moving like going to the gym, for a jog or bike ride.i just want to be back how it used to be and i didn't have to keep moving

[Aaronsis]

Hi Alir88

While it is so great you have got some active things that you enjoy doing, I hear you that you would like to be able to just be still too, have a break and just some quiet time. That would be wonderful if you were able to just sit and be, perhaps that is something you can work towards by doing it for maybe even a minute, start off really small and just see if you are able to sit, perhaps close your eyes and imagine the air going in and then the air going out, just see it enter and then leave your body. If you could do this for just a minute and then try and increase the time this could be very helpful, just an idea.

I bet you are very much looking forward to your husband returning, not long til he gets back now.

Do you like movies, I am watching the Wedding Singer, good for an easy laugh, some no think time.

Hugs to you

Sarah xx

[Alir88]

Hello Sarah, thanks i will try the breathing technique you mentioned above.
I usually love movies and i have seen the wedding ringer - very funny, but I've only managed to watch a few minutes at any one time lately before i have to go find something else to do - my concentration is hopeless. Do you care if i keep talking to you?
Thanks
Allie

[Aaronsis]

Hi Allie

It is nice to sometimes just watch a movie that is easy to digest and you don't have to think too much and not have to concentrate too much either. Wedding Singer is very funny, what movies do you tend to watch, my favorite is Dirty Dancing...love love love it.

To answer you question....ABSOLUTELY not.....I will chat to you all night if it means being a friend and supporting you and giving you some comfort at this time, I am here for you Allie as long as you need me.

The breathing technique is kind of a meditation thing but a little easier and it keeps you focused on your breathing which means you get a break from other thoughts.

Huge hugs to you

Sarah

[Alir88]

Hi Sarah
I like most of the ones with Adam Sandler - 50 first dates is good. I tend to watch most genres of movies - if it's with my husband, then it's usually an action one, with my sisters we watch rom-coms. Although i do have a weakness for medical dramas - love them