my life is going down hill and I can no longer find my way back to the top

[scozzie]

Hi I'm scott

I have been falling back in to the hands of depression now for over a year it has slowly gotten worse now it has got a full hold on me atleast 1 in 3 days I'm so badly depressed I just lay in bed pretty much running over my issues time and time again and hating my self for how I feel and for letting things get like this.

No matter how much time I spend going over my issues I can never find a solution.

So storey as short as I can.

I have been in a relationship about 8 years have 2 children. But started to no longer love my partner about the time the depression began actuelly started to hate being around her.

She changed I changed both our lives were going in different directions we started to not share the same interests. Then I started to have feelings for a good friend who I've known for awhile now like 6 years. Started getting really close she suffers depression I was one of her supports we talk nearly every day some times for 6hrs straight.

I started to talk with her about my issues to about my failing relationship mostly. One day I was stupid and told my friend I liked her this nearly cost me our friendship a few months later things came good again with me and her was like I never said it things were good there. But my feelings remained.

A few weeks after this My partner went in to my fb and txts and read every thing while I was asleep and at work so we broke up. She moved out after 6 weeks we decided to try and make things work well it's not it's making me depressed and angry and well I am still crazy for this friend of mine 9 months on this is were it gets hard.

So this girl and I talk every day still about alot we can talk about nothing and still make each other smile and laugh. A few weeks ago she told me she dreamed about me and her going out some were together and romanticly kissing each other.

Now clearly this made things harder for me as I like her. Since then till now just over a month she has gotten really close and touchy feely with me one day it's like she wants to give us ago next she shuts me out puts up a force field I have not told her I still like her. There is alot more but I think you get the idea I'm lost.

I want to leave my partner im unhappy but scared to lose my kids and I want to tell this girl I still like her but I'm scared to lose her if she still only wants a friendship. Thanks for reading 

[scozzie]

Hi neil my ex has my family's full support they are there for her and I told her straight out I still care for her it's just I'm no longer in love with her I got back with her for 6 months and tried so atleast I made an effort.

As to the other girl well after typing all day I'm to scared to send it to her.

So more pain and suffering yet I thought this bit would be simple but it's not.

[Neil_1]

Hi Scott;

Just a thought – do you really think that sending a typed message with regard to the subject would be the best move?

I thought that you were going to go and see her and to have a quiet chat with her and to discuss things that way.

But hey, what makes you feel more comfortable;  but I guess also to know that you’ve thought about it from her angle;   as in, how would you feel about receiving that kind of message via whatever technology you are going to use;  as opposed to receiving it in person?

Cheers

Neil

[Meegannn]

I am really glad to hear all of this for your sake!

It sounds like your on the right path and your trying to do the right thing by others along the way which shows just how big your heart is.

You seem like a lovely person and your kiddies are all very lucky.

As for the girl you have feelings for- I think honesty is the best policy and I personally give everything a shot once in life, you have to! 🙂 as you said it would feel horrible if you where to find she didn't feel the same although I don't think that could ruin your entire friendship with her, and again as you said eventually you'll move on and meet someone else that makes you as happy as she does.

Everything is so much easier to say though... I wish I could take some of my own advice! Lol!

Good luck and as Neil said you have full support on here

[scozzie]

Hey neil meegann well I did think long and hard about my approach on the matter I do think I made the right choice for the both of us as if we're to feel the same and ill say now that we do.

For us to be together it is going to be a complicated beginning. If we choose to have ago. This is some thing we are now in discussions about. I messaged her last night she txt back like 2hrs later said she had fallen asleep and just seen my messages all 5 thats how long what I wrote her was.

At that point she took a quick glance seen the subject and txt me saying she is not in the write mind now and will read in morning when she can make a clear decision. 

So 6:30am she txt asking if every thing I said was true I said yes of course or I would not of said it she told me she needed time.

So afew hours later she txt saying. You know we can't be together right. I asked her why. She told me. And asked for more time to think things through. So I told her to take her time and to make sure what ever she chooses is what she really wants. So now it's a waiting game to see what she wants to do I'm hoping she chooses to give it ago if it doesn't work out so long as we communicate we can always go back to being friends.

Her biggest worry is I have 2 kids and she is my sisters best friend as I told her though she would not be with me to be the kids mother or carer maybe in time and when me her my sister and my sisters bf hang out we all have a blast hell we were all just on a 1 and a half week holiday together. So mmm more of my crazy life lol thanks for reading

[Meegannn]

Wow Scott!! You have really made progress haha! Good on you mate seriously, for wearing your heart on your sleeve and just putting it all out there like you did- that takes balls!!

It sounds like it's actually going quite well, given the circumstances. 

I hope this all works out exactly how you want it to and I hope it all starts to soon : )

How are you going with your meds etc? And feeling down? Better I hope!

[Neil_1]

Hey Scott

Well, it’s done now.   The balls kind of in her court.   So, as you say, it’s the waiting game.   Maybe she will – maybe she won’t;   but at least you’ve done all you can and you should be able to feel good about how you went about it also.

May I ask how you’re feeling now?   Are you ok?

Neil

[scozzie]

Hey neil and meegann thanks

I am doing better meds are helping I think I'm not depressed like I was but really stressed and anxious as any one in my position would be I recon.

It is really stressful sitting around waiting on her to decide hoping she can come over tonight and we can talk in person I get on my plane shortly to fly home so hope full or maybe tomorrow.

[Meegannn]

Hey Scott

Your 100% right when you say anyone in your situation would be under a lot of stress and anxiety, you did a really really gutsy thing.

I hope tonight/tomorrow goes well as with your flight.

Just quickly wanted to say how much talking on here to different people has really helped me and I have only just signed up.. hearing the success and happiness in other people's lives really lifts my spirit!

[scozzie]

Hi meegann thanks yeah talking on here has really helped me along. Hoping she can decide soon spoke to her today and she still wants time. She is finding it rather hard as things are really complicated there are a lot of people it will affect if we decide to give it a go well if she does. we are staying in good contact always chatting as we always do.

[scozzie]

Well things have taken a turn for the worse I am now admitted in to a mental heath clinic