My girlfriend is depressed and stuck - might leave the country

[Kapteinen]

Hi all, I’m posting here as I’m all out of ideas or good conversation to have with my girlfriend.

Me and my girlfriend are both from Norway, living in Australia. I moved here initially for uni, and as she is studying online she decided to move down with me. We are both due to move back home either July or November 2024 depending on my enrolment.

Before leaving for Australia she did start a downwards curve as the uni she applied to and is now studying online at wasn’t what she expected. We were both living in Oslo (not together) and her uni wasn’t very social and it only had like 1 lecture a week, additionally most of her friends were living in different cities so already here she was feeling slightly alone from time to time. In the end she decided she might as well be uneasy in beautiful Australia with me than being alone in Norway. Long story short - her situation is rooted in her life in general, but moving here has worsened it at an alarming rate.

Fast forward to now - we are both living here, but she has no friends, no physical uni to attend or go to, and she struggled a lot getting a job with no luck. For the past month or so she has gotten gradually worse waking up and going to bed depressed, we have a lot of nice moments together and laugh a lot but ultimately she is growing more and more frustrated with her situation. She feels a lack of purpose, which might be due to her having no passion or hobbies (still figuring her life out, fair enough) and that combined with little to no social life and no job or routines to keep her afloat she seems like she is drowning. Both me and her are trying to include her more in my social life, and to add some structure otherwise - like going to study at the library while I’m at uni, or to come study with me at my campus and such, along with social stuff with my friends from uni. However nothing feels quite "real", permanent or her own she says, and though it helps a little, it doesn’t to much in the grand scheme of her situation.

Now she is unsure of whether or not she should stay and keep pushing through, leave me and travel the country, or go back home to Norway - and in that case whether or not we should do long distance for over a year before I get home or if she should break up with me. We did long distance for 6 months and it was excruciating, however we both love each other and both feel like once we land back in Norway we are good to go and start our lives together for real. I suggested we should pull through as a couple no matter what she does, but she feels desperate and anxious and feels she is choosing between different "evils" and that breaking up - making a serious change - is at least a change.

I agree that SOMETHING needs to happen, be that getting a job and routines to give her purpose on a day to day basis, or move back home. However with her emotional and mental state fluctuating a lot, I suggested maybe getting professional help to sort out her head and help justify or solidify whatever decision she lands on.

I am at a loss and I can tell I am getting more and more frustrated myself as her state just gets worse and I am running out of smart things to say about it. There is nothing I can currently do and I feel like I am watching the love of my life slowly crumble to bits.

[randomxx]

Hi there op and l'm sorry about the situation.

l'm afraid l can't help much on the depression from what you say bc she just needs something to happen and come together for her. Can't believe she can't get a job although there's a few others here saying same but yet we're hearing all the time companies can't get workers. At any rate l'd imagine she'd just have to nail some work or one of those other things soon then , surely but then l also know just how hard it is too in another country until you find your feet l think your right though it could prob really help her to unload with a professional atm.

But just on the breaking up , l don't see why if love is real then 12mths LD isn't too much. We did 3yrs know people that did 5 and 10 but gone on to happy lives together later .

Although depression does really distort the thinking , l know. lf it was me though bc it sounds like you won't even be here for much longer anyway, really it's hardly worth her going through all this more just for 12mths, l'd let her go home if that's what she wants. lf her love is real she'll be there when you get back and if it wasn't well , it's better you know then right.

Good luck anyway.