My Anxiety has turned into Depression. I don't know what to do.

[Moonstruck]

My anxiety seems to have turned into depression that I am not so familiar with.

The past few weeks have had added major traumas/stressors -instead of panic, which I had to control to deal with them then and there I have profound sadness which is not like me. Not the "me" others know anyway. I awake each morning with tears not far away and then they come almost straight after getting up.

I desperately want to ring a friend and say "I am so depressed, I am so sad". The first thing they say is "Why?" and then try and cheer me out of it and begin telling me how THEY are! I put on too good a front you see. This is not the "Moonstruck" they have known for years , they just don't SEE me.

On "R U OK" day no-one asked me! Perhaps a good thing, because I would have told them and they'd have laughed and invited me over to the Club to cheer me up!

When someone takes the ultimate "way out", harms themselves, I won't use the "S" word in case my post won't appear or something , someone always says "Why didn't he/she say something? Why didn't they ask us for help? Why didn't they tell me, Why didn't I see the signs?" I feel like yelling "They DID ask for help, they DID give signs, they DID tell you, there were HEAPS of signs they were in serious trouble...and you Laughed, or brushed it off, or didn't take them seriously.".

"You just couldn't believe such a lovely, capable, "together" person who was coping so well with the ups and downs of life, was TRYING to let you know, you just didn't hear them".

Moderators I am not in danger of doing anything desperate today. I would never leave such a legacy to my kids or grand-kids...just wanted to make a point...because I want to ring a friend and can already anticipate that they will simply not hear what I am saying. I have an appt with psych tomorrow and have a similar worry that I appear so socially OK she won't "get it" either! (my job and whole life journey has required me to be skilled socially and verbally eloquent with excellent communication skills..not always evident on here I realise.....but it does sabotage me a bit when I desperately need comforting)

[Moonstruck]

Yes the appointment actually went OK CMF and Wantalife. I was feeling a little bit of the load lifted...she was good. She didn't mind that I had to bring up several topics and relate separate happenings that bombarded me recently...she didn't think I was making it up or anything, being an attention seeker etc..which I had feared.

After feeling somewhat lifted, I got home to a phone call alerting me to fact d.i.l. had taken turn for the worse with her severe depression causing me to "take on" her load again (and that of my son and grand kids).

It led me to ponder the following question: does it happen that a caring loving person like myself, "take on" another's depression? Sort of let them "project" their stuff onto you? I am feeling much better within myself with my own "problems" but seem to have "taken on others' load". This is family and people I love so much, so finding it impossible to "step back" and let them "own" the depression and and desperation.

Does this happen when someone you care so much about sort of "passes it on"? As I said, I am feeling OK with "me" but desperate to help my loved ones..........

[CMF]

Hi Moon,

so glad to hear it went well.

In answer to your question 'do we take on other people's depression' I believe yes! You may be an empath, were you absorb other people's feelings. When my little ones dad had his anxiety I used to feel anxious around him. I could feel the anxiety coming off his body, like I could feel him trembling. So yes, I believe it is possible and I do believe in orojection.

i have wondered if you were an empath as I've picked up from your other posts that others people's feelings affect you.

perhaps read up on being an empath, there may be ways to deal with it.

i do hope you are feeling better, even though you have more to deal with again.

talk soon

cmf xxx

[Moonstruck]

Gee CMF is there such a thing as an empath? Actually I have always known I am able to "empathise" with others. I don't make a big deal of it, because most people do feel sympathy for someone who is suffering - of course they do.

I've always thought of empathy as just one step more...where I really do "Know how they FEEL"..I can only explain it as slightly deeper and more personal than feeling sympathy for them.

I wish I didn't have it actually....sometimes it's a curse rather than a blessing. I will try and look up on the subject. I believe it is common among the acting profession (not so much lawn bowls though ha ha, ask Carol)

Actors who can also empathise are usually excellent, because as well as expressing the emotion of the character, saying his words, doing his movements etc......you also know how the character "FEELS"...It does come in handy then. But in real life, I wish I did not have it!

[CMF]

Hey gorgeous,

yep, there is such a thing. It is a bit of a pain but I'm sure there must be ways to manage it so it doesn't bring you down. I think accepting that it may be the case may help you cope ie your depression is actually someone else's. if you can come to grasps with this it may lessen the burden.

i hope you're having a good day today. It is beautiful In Melbourne for a change.

cmf x

[MsPurple]

Moon I'm glad your session went well today 🙂 I need to find a new therapist. I had 10 free sessions this year. I need to also find a new psychiatris. With headspace I didn't pay for it (just the expensive prescriptions my first psych gave me). I went to headspace in Sydney and Transfered to one in Melbourne (did 2 years uni in Sydney, so yes in 12 months I have lived in 2 states). I just turned 25. Now I can go back to headspace but I am at the last year I can use this service. Arrrg I hate having to find a psych and councellor. Pain in the but. I'm glad she seemed to click well with you. I always struggle when I first meet someone. My mental health nurse was awesome in SYdney. Wish I could find someone as awesome as him

[Moonstruck]

Ms Purple...I wish you well during your "new life" in Brisbane and in finding a suitable psych there...you shouldn't have much trouble.

I am still down and can't seem to find anything to bring me "upwards" or "out" of the sadness..I have never experienced this before (or maybe I have but used to have a couple of drinks to feel better..now I don't drink). I am beginning to sound like others on here who genuinely do suffer from Depression. I have never thought of myself that way at all, although have had Anxiety for ages...that was enough to deal with!

I still cry a lot of the time....I also obsess about certain things..reading ulterior motives into what others are doing or saying....neighbours who seem to be watching me all the time and laughing at me for.....for what? In other words my imagination is running rampant!

they say crying is good for the soul and cleansing...but how much crying? Is crying every day too much?

[CMF]

Dear Moon,

I say cry as much as you need to. Just get it all out, no one an tell you how much or for how long. Gee I was the same the last week or so, just crying at the drop of a hat, not caring. I've picked up quite a bit now. You really need to try and eat something nutritious. I'm told red meat has antidepressants and broad beans are good for anxiety.

I'm sending you a big hug Moon. I do hope you are feeling better soon as we are all worried about you.

Catch you soon.

cmf x

[CMF]

Moon, google this: Coping Tips for Empaths to Help You Embrace Your Gift

It was a bit too long for me to copy and paste. Also as I'm sure you know a good dip in the ocean will cleanse you or negativity, alternatively soak in a bath of sea salt which you can buy at a health food store or supermarket.

cmf x

[MsPurple]

Hey moon

I need to sort out a GP before I get a psych. So fingers crossed I'll find someone good. Sorry you feel like you can't get out of this. I remember I was at that point in my life. I couldn't imagine feeling better and I couldn't imagine this horrible feeling of dread going away. The only thing that got me through it was me remembering my fur babies and my family. I just put my faith in my psych team and trusted them when they said it would get better and it did. You just need to stick with it. I know you will soon.

[Moonstruck]

CMF

I just read about Coping Tips. THANK YOU again for pointing me in this direction - strangely enough I already tend to use/do some of those things suggested....and had no idea there was so much info out there about this. Yes I will be annoyed with myself if I don't get into the ocean much more often this year - it's so close, I should be in there all the time! I will do it for you! (of course school holidays and weekends will be avoided if possible..LOL) And I will have a bath rather than shower more often....this all makes sense, it really does.. xx