Lost and Empty

[DrewP]

I feel like an idiot writing this stuff but i just need to let everything out.

I am empty, i have just separated from a long term relationship with the person i was looking to marry about 2 mths ago.  My little Brother has just been diagnosed with HIV, Im finding myself slowly turning to drugs on weekends to try and fill a void.  I Can be happy and put n a brave face but then everything just come crashing down and i just want it all to end. I Have found myself in my garage numerous times writing letters to my family and friends apologising for everything i  have done and how i want to end it......I have tried twice but failed and i just feel even more depressed because i can not do it.  

I see a picture of my ex and it just destroys me because i know i single handedly destroyed our relationship and took it for granted.  I love her so much.  I know i can make her happy again and i just want that chance.

I ruined my relationship with my sick brother and i wasn't there for him when he got sick. I wish i could turn back time. 

I just want to be happy...I scared and alone.....

Sorry

'beyondblue’s clinically-trained moderators often work offline (invisible to you) on issues relating to suicide or self-harm. At the same time, general supportive comments from the community are encouraged. If you have concerns around suicide or self-harm, please phone our support service on 1300 22 4636.'

[DrewP]

forget it no help here.....im sorry

[Jo3]

Hi Drew

I'm sorry I just saw your post.  We are here to help you.

I am sorry to read that your brother is sick and that you have lost your relationship with your girlfriend.

Is there any support apart from here that you have having eg. GP, psyh, friends? Someone that you can talk to?

From what you're saying I feel you need to speak to a professional even if it's just your doctor.

Pls come back on and chat when you can

Jo

[beyondblue_Online_Communi]

Hi there DrewP,

We are glad that you have put your story up here on the webiste. There are many people here that would like to help you, just give it some time.
You sound very low and down currently, if you want to chat anything through with someone please feel free to call the beyondblue helpline on 1300 22 4636. They can talk things through and let you know about the most appropriate supports in your area. 

Please call to chat things through. We are all here to support you.
Depression is such a difficult thing to deal with on your own and often we need some help. With the right treatment and support you will find that the symptoms will go away with time. 

please look after yourself,
If you need more immediate support please contact your local mental health service, again the beyondblue hlepline can give you this number.

take care and let us know when you havel linked in with some supports

[geoff]

dear Drew, I am so sorry that nobody has responded to your comment earlier, as every comment is addressed by numerous lovely and wonderful people, sorry.

You have two major issues here that have been an enormous concern for not only yourself but also your brother, plus now your girlfriend has left.

I can see that you have started taking drugs to try and compensate for what's been going on, and I do wonder if this is the reason why your girlfriend has left you.

We try and self-medicate during these times of hardship, or whether we are in depression, and I did it with alcohol, which made my 25 year marriage end, but now it's too late, but it's a trap that many of us fall into.

When someone in our family becomes very sick, there can't be enough hours to comfort them, and we even feel guilty when it's time we have to go home, or if a situation develops to finally say goodbye, then the pain hits us so hard and the guilt that swallows us up, is something we never forget about.

Drew you love your girlfriend so much, but maybe she didn't like the direction you were heading, and please I am not having a go at you, just saying.

I believe that you should be seeing your GP, to firstly organise professional help, but also to give you a script for the medication that will stop the urge for wanting to take drugs, as this also works for people wanting to stop drinking alcohol.

I can't tell you the name of this medication but your GP will know of it, or maybe google 'medication to stop taking drugs', and once this happens your girlfriend may return to you on the proviso of-----------------.

I'm not sure on the condition of your younger brother, but I wish so much that he is coping. Geoff.

[Neil_1]

Hi Drew

How did your relationship end?  Was it something that seemed to be absolutely final and that there’d be no chance of reconciliation down the track??  I ask this as you mentioned that you just want a chance to try again.  Are there possible steps you could take to show that you really want this relationship back? 

I have no idea how it all ended (and we don’t need to know either), but just saying that this, as you said you destroyed your relationship – so if you are aware of the things that happened that caused the breakdown,  are you possibly able to takes steps to fix up what happened – and then she might be able to see that you’ve done “this and this” to help yourself and to change or improve?  Drew, these are just thoughts.

Again with your sick brother, is he the same one as your little brother or is that a different brother?  Because with one you’ve said he’s just been diagnosed with HIV, but with the other one, you’ve said you wish you could turn back time?

Drew do you have any other family members close by?  What about friends/mates?  Is there no-one that you could possibly go to, so you could confide in them how you’re feeling?

This really is a terribly serious situation when you’re creating notes for family and friends and the fact that you’ve attempted twice is extremely troubling.  Please please if you feel in that awful low place again, can you call either the phone number at Beyond Blue (1300 22 4636) or Lifeline (131114)??  This is incredibly important that you do this.  There are ways out of this.  I know you don’t believe that at the moment cause of the terrible place that you’re currently in, but with the appropriate help, guidance, support and care, you can get out of this terrible hole.

I will send this now and hope that from what I (and others) have written may have provided you with something useful. 

Please I hope that you are able to get back to us if you feel able. I’m so pleased that you were able to take this initial step to coming here … I don’t know why it took a little while for anyone to respond, but we’ve got you now.

Kind regards

Neil