Long term depression left untreated.??? But I have no choice now, its really do or I dont know...

[Tefler]

Hi to anyone listening,

I will ask in the odd chance someone might be able t point me in the right direction.

Forgive me if my sentences are not well written. I re-read them later, and cringe.

What happens if you have left it nearly thirty years to seek advice, as I really have no choice, despite the fact i do not think they can help. My ability to cope with life just happenned 3 months ago, when I could not get answers for the pain in my back. Since then , well things have become so much harder.

I'm lucky, very lucky, I have parents while they might not understand me, love me unconditionally, which has kept me going.

But I started seeing a phycologist, for the second time in my life. THis was last week. And really do not know where to start. Does he need to know my life story, because most of the pain I have experienced has never left me. it almost seems to me, he can not believe I have all this inside me, but I have.

I do not want to take anti depressants and I am taking too much non -recreational drugs for the Young onset Parkinsons deasease I have been battling for the last 10 years.

What will it achieve, an early retirement, because I finally get labelled clinically depressed. I do not want to retire, as I know I'm good at my job, but the is pressure there too.

No one would have the time to solve my issues, and I try and suck it up, and when I get a chance to talk about my pain, I get in a confused state and do not know which problem to start with, so I end up looking crazy, and saying things that will not help me, and only makes me look worse, and that I do not want help.

But truly, know one can. I will not do anything stupid, for the sake of my parents and family , as they do not deserve it. They have tried to help, but do not seem to understand the challanges i face. NO one does. So that must mean the problem is with me. Which is something I do not accept.

There is much more to the story, there is alot of issues at play here. Too much to write here. And this is not the place.

But if something is bothering you, even if it was 25 years ago, or you think it is important to address for you physologist to understand , is it too late to discuss those issues now. Or should i just address the current situation..

Anyone

Tefler

[Croix]

Dear Tefler~

Welcome here, I see absolutely nothing to cringe about, you have a hard row to hoe and it's not surprising it seems overwhelming. Incidentally I read your posts to Anthony too, which helps me understand a bit more.

To answer one question straight away. No it is not too late to address old issues. I've been in the same boat about a year ago when matters from the past started to become known and affected me. Talking with my psychiatrist definitely helped. The incidents happened in the 80's.

As for the current situation, it sounds a mix of physical illnesses, depression and other matters. I'd imagine something that complex is not going to be straightforward for anyone, no matter how skillful, to sort out. Still it needs a start.

You mentioned when you tried to explain you get confused, I'm not surprised, I do and my conditions are comparatively simple. So I'd suggest not trying to talk, but to write it all down logically at your leisure, taking as long as you need and setting everything out logically. Point form would be fine. I've done this. It's helped both me and my doctor.

Going to a psychologist may help, I am no expert, I found I needed the services of a psychiatrist. Using that rec drug can sometimes - as I understand it - lead to mental health problems and also counteract or reverse the effect of some medications. I'd suggest if possible take whatever you do under medical supervision.

Having parents - or anyone close - that loves and will help is gold. My partner never knew what was in my head, but her presence, care and support was a boon. She learned what was needed by trial and error judging from what I said and my reactions. Loved ones not understanding does not mean the problem is with you, just it has not been part of their experience.

With early retirement, I guess you are the best judge considering your physical state. All I can say is that after I was invalided out of my vocation first study and from then on continuous occupation has helped me immeasurably. It has given me structure in my life, a sense of identity, accomplished and distraction as well as keep me in social settings.

I do hope you return and talk more

Croix

[Tefler]

Hi Croix's,

Thank you for taking the time to repsond to my email, and look into my other emails, I sent to Anthony.

Firstly just to clear one thing up , I have not used or self medicated with those other ( rec ) drugs in along time.

As for writing thngs down, there is so many different things wrong,I do nto have time to discuss in a 20 minute refferal that cost $200. ( Neurolgist )

Yes I have tried bulk billing GP's numerous, not being negative, but they do not have the time, to look into complex matters. And my original GP with all my prior records had a stroke about 10 years ago. And when I asked for my records to be transfered over, all he sent to my new GP, was (nice guy, sad case ). He had vital records to help people understand where Im at. I do not know why he did not send all my records. BUt that is the past.

I have now changed GPs. He is very good. But very costly, especially since I have not worked since Nov. Every option available to the people that have real problems , is all to complicated, and I'm sick of trying to read, its too hard at the moment.

I tried to go back to work yesterday, actually today, mm, short term emmory going as well. Doctor had given me until end of feb off, but i thoguht about it, and the more i stay away, the less chance I will have of going back. My employer has been patient for the time been.

Im happy you see life in a positive light, and I only seem to frustrate those people that do, so I'm better off dealing with this myself. I'm living currently with my parents so no need for you or anyone to worry.

Just wanted to thank you for taking the timeto respond.

Wishing you all the happiness in the future

Tom ( sorry if any spelling erros )

[Croix]

Dear Tom~

First off sorry about the misunderstanding on the rec drugs. I'm pretty pleased you have managed to steer clear. I was lucky and managed to sidestep all that.

Your situation is maddening, no doubt about it and the health system is always set up for a quick fix. As for my being frustrated because you do not see things in a positive light, no. I've been there for a long time too and thought there would be no end ever. That was something I wanted to get across. I'd thought nothing was going to change, except for the worse. I was wrong. It worked out. I'm not cured but out of sight better and pretty pleased, all things considered, as a result

So don't let what I might think stop you talking. Please also try not to dismiss it if I sound positive, it's not based on trivializing what you are going though.

Transferring records can be a mess, I'm not even sure if there is an obligation on doctors to send their personal notes, just formal reports. Keeping your own record, which I eventually started to do, seems the only safe way.

I'd guess having a good GP is a start, even if expensive. Have you specifically asked about bulk billing? I asked one and surprise, was told OK.

You said you were sick of trying to read. I'm not sure in what context you meant. When I was trying to recover from PTSD at the start my concentration was lost. I'd been an avid reader beforehand and all that went away. I did get it back in the end, starting with kid's fantasy books and eventually getting more advanced. Re-reading the same paragraph again and again is not fun. It was the escape I missed.

So how did you go at work yesterday? Going early might be a mixed blessing. I hope it worked out.

I hope you come back and talk more

Croix

[Tefler]

Hi Croix's,

Is Croix's your first? I guess it does not matter. Just really do not know how to pronounce it.

No I do not think you would be getting frustrated , no offence, but your probably not getting paid per email you respond to.( That is a dig at the ealth profession not u ) Your just trying your best, to I'm not sure exactly, but I know your trying your best to prove to me, yes , there is a light at the end of the tunell. Your living proof, I get that. And your very kind to spend your time to even listen.

with no job, a partner to love , and the thrill of having a health system that I do not entrely trust.

Truth is I think I'm pretty wise, and I have helped alot of people through hard times before. But I honeslty believed I did, because I thought I knew them enough to be giving them that advice, and i could see happines for them.

Even if I opened up about my downfall since Nov 1, which really is the problem. The damage is done.

I know this gets moderated, do not be sending any ambulances here, I'm fine. And no need to call, there is too much to deal with. Its just something at the end of the day, its up to me.

Thanks Cooix

[Croix]

Dear Tom~

If you Google:

how to pronounce croix

You will get to a YouTube video which shows how to pronounce croix (most people don't know either, it is a French word). As for pay, with a couple of bb staff exceptions everyone here is a volunteer, it's one of the great things about this place.

Saying it's up to you at the end of the day; in a way that is true, however it does not mean you have to do it all alone. Getting advice and perspective from those who have faced similar problems can make things a bit easier at times.

I've found I'm not the only one and it is not all just me has made me feel better, as have the various techniques described here and also what to expect.

Croix