Life is hard sometimes

[Kaelin]

My mental health is getting worse and my coping mechanisms aren't working much anymore.

I struggle with anxiety, depression, self harm, trauma and some other things. 

I feel really guilty for how it's affecting my mother, especially since my recent incident.

I really just want everything to be okay, but I haven't been okay in almost a decade now, and i dont think i ever will be okay.

Every time i finally get comfortable with my mental health team they have to leave, or they get transferred or i have to leave, so I can't actually get anywhere in therapy.

My trauma reactions started getting worse since my incident about a week ago, im having meltdowns and anxiety attacks basically daily and its really hard to regulate when i dont even know the triggers, especially because the people triggering me care about me so i feel guilty about getting mad at them, which just means i turn my anger onto myself.

I guess i dont really have a point here besides venting that life is hard and coping is even harder.

[Sophie_M]

Dear Kaelin,

Thank you for reaching out to the forums tonight. We want to welcome you here and say how brave you are for posting and sharing - we know it's not easy, but you're right, venting can be very helpful and we're glad you're here.

We want you to know that we've reached out to you privately, and that we're here for you. We know that many here have been through (and are going through) the same things that you've expressed here and that you will get some beautiful support from our online community, and also help someone else who reads your post and hears that they are not alone either.

Please don't hesitate to call us on 1300 22 4636, and you can reach us online here (24/7 - the online chat is often more popular for our young people). There’s also our friends over at Kids Help Line on 1800 55 1800, or Lifeline on 13 11 14. They also have chat options should you need them.

It sounds like you are doing a lot a work already with your mental health team, and we understand that switching teams is very frustrating. Please hang in there Kaelin - you're stronger than you know (you've already done so much and come so far).

Kind regards, 

Sophie M



 

[geoff]

Hello Kaelin, I'm so sorry you have been struggling for a long time and really appreciate that once you are beginning to feel better, some counsellors feel as though you don't need their help any longer, which may not necessarily be the situation because tomorrow is another day and something may happen which you could find difficult to cope with.

Even people who care about you can mistakenly trigger a reaction, it's not that they mean to but they don't appreciate what you have had to try and overcome and even if the first day you feel much better is not the time for them to expect you can accept any slight criticism because of all you have had to cope with.

We are behind you and remember please just take your time.

Geoff.

Life Member.

[therising]

Hi Kaelin

I imagine you to be a truly beautiful sensitive person, who senses so much. I feel for you so deeply as you easily sense so many stressful and depressing triggers.

It's not your fault, feeling the way you do. Feeling is not a fault, it's an ability. Seems more like a curse at times, for sure. There are a lot of upsetting or angering phrases for someone in a depression to feel...

1. 'You'll be okay' can make you want to scream 'How am I going to be okay?!'
2. 'You're too sensitive. You need to toughen up' makes you want to scream 'Why do you feel the need to say this to me?!'
3. 'You just need to smile more' can make you want to scream 'If I could smile more, don't you think I'd be doing it!'

The list goes on. Btw, those 3 can get you right in the heart. You can feel 'em hit. So, you could say they're 'heartbreaking' comments.

Number 2 can be highly triggering. You can feel the insult behind it. While it used to bring me down, it has a whole other effect on me these days. Being a gal who's become proud of being highly sensitive, my response to this comment these days is 'Hell yeah I'm sensitive, sensitive enough to know a triggering comment when I feel one' 😁

If you're a natural born 'feeler' and you haven't become detached from this ability, through certain influences that can lead us to become desensitised, you'll remain feeling everything. You can feel people's words as well as your internal dialogue, your nervous system, chemical imbalances, a depressing lack of energy, mental hyperactivity, what's in your imagination (what you see) etc. It can get seriously exhausting. Gets more intense when you're sensing other people's feelings on top of it all.

What if it became not a matter of 'toughening up' but mastering how you experience, interpret and manipulate emotion (the energy in motion that you feel).

Ever researched 'The traits of an empath'?