so so lonely :( any advice

[z0z]

i’ve never felt more alone in my life. i feel like i’ve become super distant from all my friends and family. I’m so scared of the idea of completely losing the ability to connect with people. I feel like i’ve spent so long trying to find “my people” but i just haven’t found many yet. I’m a super social person and talking to people and connecting with people is one of my favourite things but now it is so hard to do. does it get better? have you guys found your people? or even some people? 

i know that most people don’t find “their people” in high school but it seems like everyone around me has friends and support and i’m so isolated and alone.

Can anyone tell me it gets better?

thanks to everyone i hope you’re all well 

[quirkywords]

Zoz

It is hard feeling you dont belong sonewhere amd have fo change to fit in. I read that yout need yo change you belong you may need to be yourself. 

[quirkywords]

zOz

Sorry I replied too early I wanted to say 4 of my life absolute trying to belong to a certain group and I change to fishing and that never really work cos I should have felt a bit of a fakel but now I've just know I'm different and I try to be confident.

It usually does get better when you feel more confident.

Thanks for your post.

[ecomama]

Hey zOz, 

I'm sorry you feel isolated and alone. Hugs. 

I get what quirky is saying. She tried joining a fishing group but nah, wasn't her thing. Maybe she loves fishing but not necessarily felt this was "her tribe". 

I still have a few "close" friends from high school, 40+ years after we left. We've woven in and out of each others' lives. BUT I have one on one relationships with each of them. We are not a "tribe" at all. 

I used to feel like you do. Didn't have a stable "group" of friends. I felt like an outsider looking in at others enjoying the company of friends in a group. 
I literally just focused on my higher education. 
Focused on the dancing classes and other activities I LOVED. 
Over time I met ONE person here and ONE person there that I gelled with. 
Even after a Career of 40y in the SAME kind of profession, I've only met ONE person here and sometimes NONE at all.. 

What I'm trying to say is that you CAN have really valuable, worthwhile friendships without the "tribe" scenario. 

Being you is excellent advice from quirky. Not trying to fit in and change yourself to do so is really important. 
There's more to this than just saying it to you. It's a journey. A very wonderful one. 

Love EM

[therising]

Hi zOz

Someone once said to me 'Find your circle based on where you're at in life because your circle will support exactly where you're at and where you need to head'.

You can start with a circle of people including family and expand on that or if family and friends are seriously bringing you down, manage the amount of time you spend with them (how often you allow them in and for how long). If they're seriously destructive, it becomes a matter of 'Should they really be a part of it at all?'. In expanding on our circle, it can become a matter of 'What else do I need most in my life right now and who do I need to connect with to help me achieve that?'

I find 3 basic key areas in life to involve mind, body and spirit. So, the people who are good for mental health and mental development, people who are good for our physical well being and people who are just basically good for the soul (inspiring people who lift each other's spirits). Then there are combination people. An example could involve a hiking circle. Trekking while chatting with open minded people who we can share ideas with and who can perhaps open our mind more while where developing our physical fitness and well being is good for the soul. Of course nature is also good for the soul (reconnecting with our self and others beyond the hustle and bustle of a noisy stressful world).

The person who gave me the circle advice also mentioned how we can outgrow a circle, which can help explain some things. We can sit there beating our self up saying 'What's wrong with me? Why don't I get along with my friends and/or family anymore?' or we can acknowledge the possible need for new people to help us graduate to higher states of self development, raising our consciousness. For example, we may be a wonderful person who's simply humored by the people around us when it comes to our sense of wonder. At some point, being humored or even shut down regularly (when it comes to our love of wondering) can become depressing. Time to look for a seriously wonderful group of people? Absolutely. Personally, I thrive on conversations that involve the nature of reality and am surrounded by like minded people who can't help but wonder.

So, zOz, do you know what you crave in your life right now? Mental development, physical development or soulful development or all 3 combined?

[z0z]

this is such beautiful advice thank you so much, it means more than you know 🙂