LHave lost years to depression but hide this with lies.

[meat]

Hi, I'm sorry for how ugly this post is going to be. I've made my account minutes ago and know you're meant to follow some guidelines but I honestly need some help as soon as possible and just want to ensure I actually do this post.

I'm male, 21 and have had mental health issues for a while now. Recently, I met a girl who's now my girlfriend.

I want to do this for her, I want to have my shit together and be strong so I can support her.

so I've recently come to accept I'm suffering from depression. I haven't made any progress in uni for 2 years despite lying to family and friends about it. My parents have been giving me a generous allowance for about 4 years now despite us not being the most wealthy and I've done nothing to get a job in that time. I'm not even justifying the allowance because I'm not getting anywhere with uni. I also don't have my drivers license yet either.

These things aren't due to lack of ability or intellect, I just don't do anything all the time. I only seem to move when I'm going to socialise and even then I don't always feel up to it.

apart from that I spend a lot of time doing nothing, sleeping a lot, pacing a lot, daydreaming. I do nothing all the time.

my work ethic is non existent at this point despite me doing so well in high school I've completely stuffed everything with uni.

so now I'm in a position where I'm always making excuses about not having my license, always lying about not making money and being behind on uni. I even don't tell people about my allowance. I lie about so much.

now I just feel like shit for everybody I've lied to, i love my fam it and friends but none of them would forgive me for this kindness of thing.

I just feel like my life has already gone down as a stuff up

i just want some idea of where to start j

[quirkywords]

Meat

Welcome to this forum.

This is a caring kind and supportive community.

You have already answered you last line- I just want some idea of where to start.

ell you have made that first step by writing this post. So well done. You have told people who don't know you but I am guessing before you wrote this post you had told no one.

I am thinking you have not seen a doctor about your depression.

You have realised that you are not being honest with the people you love and you are sick of lying.

Maybe you could see your doctor first and this may help you in how you tell your parents and friends.

This is only a suggestion and it may not suit you.

You may want to talk to you parents first.

Lying to hide one's depression is something I have done and I assume so have many others.

You want to make a change you have made the first step.

What do you think your next step maybe?

uirky

[Croix]

Dear Meat~

Welcome here, as Quirky says this is a kind and supportive case.

I guess there have been an awful lot of people who have only really started to try when they met somebody, it's a good reason to start. Frankly all the things you have said, no work, no driver's license, goofing off at uni and so on are pretty human, you are not the first by a long stretch. I did not try at uni the first time, and only when I met my future wife did I get serious.

Telling fibs to cover up is par for the course. It has several down-sides as you'd know, not feeling good about yourself is one, not being spurred on to take action is another.

Like Quirky I'd suggest the first step is to see your GP in a long consultation and say what your life is like. It may well be you have a case of depression, in which case it can be treated. See what happens.

Trying to change your life around by yourself is very hard and it helps a lot to have people to support you. It is easy to get discouraged and allow old ways to slip back in, so having someone else to talk to and lend perspective is a pretty good thing. You also don't feel so alone.

Who do you think might be a good person in your life to try to talk to? If it just a doctor for now that's OK, but someone outside is better.

You did say "I just feel like my life has already gone down as a stuff up". Well I don't agree. A couple of years to find out a bit more about yourself is no big price to pay. You did OK as school, you have brains, a conscience and are capable of giving and receiving love and you see what is wrong and have taken the first step!

I'm sure you will get there, and in the meantime you are welcome here

Croix

[meat]

Sorry for replying so late, I've been avoiding coming back to this post.

Your last paragraph meant a lot to me, thank you so much for your reply. I'm seeing a counselor for the first time on Tuesday. I'm still yet to bring this up with any family or friends and have only touched on it lightly with my girlfriend.

I've been telling myself I will sort this out without telling my family and friends, maybe admit it to them down the line in a more stable position (uni/job wise) and pay my parents back for the allowance they gave me. I don't know how great an idea this is because every now and then I come close to telling my parents cause it really puts me down sometimes (like now). I just can't stand to think what they'd think of me, especially my Dad who's always been strict on education.

By this point I'm rambling but I really wanted to thank you for the response.

[Croix]

Dear Meat~

You are human and it is indeed difficult to come back here and see what people have said - and know how to respond. A painful and embarrassing subject. Still you are here now, which is a very hopeful sign.

I'm please my last paragraph was encouraging, though frankly I only told the truth. Maybe it is because someone on the outside sees your real worth and has a sense of proportion over what has happened.

Going to see the councilor is an excellent first move and I hope the two of you 'click' together. It's most important to be comfortable and have confidence.

If you don't mind saying what was your GF's reaction to what you said? Although hard to predict do you think she may become an understanding ally?

I'm not really going to say anything either way about telling your parents, you will be the best judge. I will point out that how and when you say something is important and should probably be planned in advance. When the times comes if speech is too difficult you could write a letter or even show your posts here.

Please let us know how you are going

Croix