Just...bored

[james1]

Hello, me again.

So I find myself at end of the 4th day after effectively being dumped (I invested a lot of emotions into that one, even though it was short lived!) and having been on my own little self-built emotional rollercoaster, I am intensely bored. My unhealthy way of coping with the nightmare of having my idyllic dreams crash is to build up a new idyllic dream with someone else, but while I have to wait to find someone else to perpetuate this silly cycle, I am sitting around on my arse.

Okay, I'm being flippant about how I'm handling the whole dating thing, and am truthfully handling it with little more care than I'm portraying, but the point is when I'm not in a (possible) relationship, I am bored.

It's not like I don't have hobbies - I read, write, draw, photograph, run, cycle, swim, play clarinet, hike, walk, listen to music, ice skate, play tennis, cook, even study - but I feel so overwhelmingly bored that I just can't be bothered. I don't even feel sad. I just have no desire to do these things, even though I know I like doing them and get a sense of achievement. It just doesn't feel like the effort is worth it.

Still, I've learnt to recognise my downward spirals and in an effort to at least keep that at bay, I'm going to drag myself out for a run this afternoon and I'm posting here to make sure I actually do it. I went for a run a couple of days ago and that did nothing to stave off my boredom. It just made me bored and sore, haha.

But more importantly: what do you guys do to fight boredom?

James

[Zeal]

Hey James,

You are certainly smart and self-perceptive. I get in those emotional states too sometimes - when there are plenty of things for me to do, but I can't bring myself to get immersed in anything specific. It's experienced a bit differently for each person. It's interesting how you say you feel bored when you're not in a relationship. That isn't the case with me, mostly because I have been single for most of my teen and adult life. My current boyfriend is the man I want to be with long-term, and he feels the same way about me. This is my second-ever relationship, after I felt uncomfortable with my first boyfriend at 21. I only started dating when I was 18 or 19.

Wow, it's amazing that you have up to 15 genuine hobbies. If you had to pick your top 5 hobbies, what do you think you would choose? If this is too hard, don't worry though. It's cool that you have a wide spectrum of hobbies/interests, including intellectual, musical, artistic, sporty and domestic (with cooking).

A lack of hobbies has been an issue for years, since my mid-teens. I just did the regular things in my life, and I didn't make time for dabbling in special interests. I do enjoy reading in the summer holidays, and often I get quite involved in selecting books. Posting on this forum is something I take interest in, but that's not a 'hobby' as such. I enjoy hiking and walking, even though I don't do it all the time. I loved running from young childhood up until I was about 15. I rowed for several seasons, starting when I was 12. I enjoy listening to music and I have a slight addiction to watching talent show auditions (especially Britain's Got Talent). This is because I don't possess this kind of talent, so I enjoy the vicarious experience! I can't sing, dance, act or read/play music!

When I am bored, I tend to listen to music, eat, talk to my boyfriend on Facebook chat or spend time with him, watch YouTube videos, read a bit, write posts on the forum, talk to my Mum etc.

Thanks for this post James. I have been avoiding exam study for hours this arvo, but I will get to it from early tonight. I focus best at night-time anyway.

All the best,

Zeal

[SourceShield]

Hey James1,

I'm 39yrs now, and I don't get bored anymore.

But, it used to drive me cuckoo!.

Like you I keep myself very active.

I'm hoping to complete a PhD in Creativity, and I'm setting up a Creativity consultancy company in Melbourne, to open next year, so I am actually very grateful for any down time that I do get.

I feel that its not about quantity though, its about the quality of time and energy that we invest into what we do - thats what really matters.

I live with an HFA brain! - High Functioning Autistic, and I could get 'bored' very easily because I have one of those weird brains that can process things very quickly...at school for example, it used to frustrate me that others were so slow at stuff that I could do very quickly!

Then I had to learn how to manage the HFA, and I have.

You're obviously a clever guy, you know that this is just one of those down phases that you experience sometimes, and that this will pass...I reckon you're smart enough to work this one out.

Going for a run is great but also remember to just enjoy some of the chillaxing moments in life too!

MuchLove

[james1]

Hey Zeal,

Thank you for the compliment.

Yeah, maybe it's linked to the fact that since I was...14? I've been in a relationship basically the entire time. The first lasted from 14-18, then after that break up I sank into depression and got a bit lost for a few years, found myself in another relationship when I was 20 until this year, then repeated that again. And whenever out of one, it's just like I'm constantly trying to get back into one, haha. I'm not very good at being alone.

Mhmm...top 5? I don't know. That changes really. I don't find I really identify with any of them and what I want to do will just change depending on who I am with or who I am seeking, particularly in terms of a romantic relationship but also friendships. So if I was alone and definitely not going to ever meet anyone...I'd probably just end up listening to music. Maybe write, but I'd give that up pretty quickly.

Ah it's great that you still have things you do enjoy. I think the difference might be that I don't feel comfortable on my own and never have. So I just have to find all these things to do to make myself feel like I'm more interesting to meet new people. And I really do manage to convince myself that they are my true hobbies until the friendship/relationship falls apart then I realise I don't really like it.

Oh well. I guess that's what the therapy is for right? Making me eventually be able to just be on my own which, funnily enough, is the exact thing I fear most. And the boredom just feels like a symptom of that.

James

[james1]

Hey SourceShield,

I don't think I've ever spoken to you but thanks for commenting on my post 🙂

It sounds like you're going to be super busy with that company and I'm glad you've found a way to channel all your energy. You seem like a really clever guy and I'm sure this will pose a very interesting and new challenge for you.

I think I just have to learn to manage my own BPD symptoms, just as you did with the HFA, so the boredom will hopefully settle or i'll become more accustomed and okay with it. I don't know. I guess I've done this all my life so I don't know what the alternative is like!

Thanks for your encouragement!

James

[SourceShield]

...You're welcome!

You take good care of yourself man.

MuchLove