It never gets better, only worse

Nickname_65BD5CCF-CA54-46 · ‎21-10-2016

I was looking at my first post here in August, and its still all the same or worse now.

I don't think I've talked to a friend in all that time. I've achieved nothing except more debt.The impact of my life is so close to neglible it really doesn't matter.

How long do I have to do this for? I keep thinking if we have euthanasia for physical pain that doesn't let up for years, why not mental? I figure ten years will most likely see my parents pass away and my child to be able to look after themselves as an adult. So that's my ten year plan that helps me through some nights.

I'm sick of crying. I'm sick of not coping, I'm sick of life being so sh---y. It's not going to get better, month after month gets worse and worse.

Nickname_65BD5CCF-CA54-46 · ‎22-10-2016

and today I break another promise to myself and joined the daytime drinkers club 😞

Guest_322 · ‎23-10-2016

Hi Grok,

It's about 1am as I'm writing this (I've appalling sleep patterns but that's neither here nor there). I don't have any answers but I'm guessing you were asking rhetorically more than anything. I think depression hurts and life can sometimes just s**t bricks on you. It's tough. It's painful. It's messy. I hear your exhaustion; I really do.

Sorry, I don't know your story very well so I don't know if you're currently seeking help from, say, a doctor. But as you're feeling so very low, would it be worth your while to see a GP and maybe get a referral for a counsellor or psych? I mean, I know they're not substitutes for friends and other personal support but maybe they can help hold you together a little.

I appreciate your honest post btw. Sorry for all your pain.

Dottie x

geoff · ‎23-10-2016

hello Grok, I too can hear your pain and understand your need to start drinking, but you forget what could happen within the next 10 years, that's a long time where your life could turn around, but I can hear you saying c****p how can it just look at me now, well you could make plans to do something about it, but the alcohol will stop you from doing this, it may seem as though it is helping you get through the day, sure, but it is holding you where you can't move and have the ability to want to get help.
It's not so much that you haven't talked to any of your friends, but why haven't they come to you to see what's wrong with you, so I wonder whether they are actually friends or just acquaintances, so is there another group of people you can join up with.
It is amazing that one day we might feel as though there is nothing to look forward to, but suddenly something does happen the next day or even week that is going to change your outlook on life. Geoff.

Nickname_65BD5CCF-CA54-46 · ‎23-10-2016

Thanks for the posts.

I do have mental health plan, a good GP, am on medication, and currently on the roundabout looking for a psychologist that bulk bills and is able to actually help. The last two a tried, to be polite, lacked the life experience or skills to understand or offer meaningful advice.

It's not so much that you haven't talked to any of your friends, but why haven't they come to you to see what's wrong with you, so I wonder whether they are actually friends or just acquaintances

It's 100% self inflicted. It's unreasonable to expect friends to try for years. It's my fault not theirs that they aren't a part of my life anymore.

The last five years just keep getting progressively worse and worse. I doubt I can cope with another ten years but at least it's a goal.

Nickname_65BD5CCF-CA54-46 · ‎28-10-2016

Each day, each night, life gets worse.

Doolhof · ‎28-10-2016

Hi Grok,

Hopefully you will soon find a bulk billing psychologist who will be helpful and understanding.

It does sound like you dug yourself a deep rut that is hard to get out of.

Somehow you need to find a different direction to head. You need to come up with something that will jolt your mind into thinking in a different manner.

Okay, so what kind of different things can you do?

It may need to be something that involves action, colour, sunshine, laughter, water (usually relaxing for most people)

Do you live close to a beach? Go and build yourself a sandcastle. Fly a kite. Sit on the branch of a tree. Splash paint onto a canvas. Bake biscuits. Take a picnic lunch to a park. Watch children in a playground.

Try and do something you wouldn't normally do.

Give it a go and see what happens.

Cheers for now from Mrs. Dools

Nickname_65BD5CCF-CA54-46 · ‎28-10-2016

Thanks for the reply.

" Watch children in a playground." - that's a good way for a middle aged man to get arrested 😉

I just don't have any enthusiasm or joy in anything I do.

Doolhof · ‎30-10-2016

Hey Grok Hi,

Yes, watching children in a playground could well have a man of any age arrested! Maybe not a good idea, go to a footy game instead!

Do you have any pets Grok? Does a neighbour have a dog you could take for a walk?

Have you ever tried painting a picture? I try to now and then. The paintings don't usually turn out as I desire, but the process is fun.

Are you able to do some volunteering? I don't know a thing about horses so signed up to help with the Riding for the Disabled. I'm out in the fresh air, learning how not to allow a horse to push me into a fence and all kinds of stuff.

Our local library has a huge selection of volunteer positions posted on a wall. The council may be able to offer advice as well.

If you are a bloke, is there a Men's Shed in your area?

Watch a clip on Laughter therapy and see if that can give you some cheer.

Cheers again, from Mrs. Dools

V17 · ‎30-10-2016

Hi Grok,

I really feel you matey. My life has recently spun outta control, actually Grok it is not my life so much but my emotions. I understand how drinking can numb the pain - I used it to self medicate. I am trying to stop now; it's been 3 days. What is working for me is that I am only thinking "Just for today". I can't afford to think of tomorrow, it does my head in. I even had to bring my mind to focus on every 15 mins. I was a snotty mess so I just got up and went outside. It was then I looked up at the clouds and seen a lion, a polar bear... the point I am trying to make here matey, is not so much what I seen but that I happened to look up. This is what it is like for me most days, I have to really keep it simple. Maybe start there Grok?
I hadn't watched clouds in years and now I will sit and have a cuppa and watch them, just to see what I can find in them.
Thanks for your post, this kinda of thing is what is allowing me to keep my s**t together.
Look - I tell you what, I am gonna go now and look up and see what I can see and come back and write it down here if that is okay? I am due for a cuppa anyways.
Hang in there matey.
V.